Feel like such a failure :-(

[AndFanjoWasHisNameO]

DS1 is 3.5 yrs and although can be a little high spirited, is generally a fair, loving, amusing little dude.
Also have DD-20 months and 30 weeks pregnant
DS has always attended day nursery when we've worked but I have been a SAHM for the last 6 months and he has recently begun 'big boys nursery' 5 afternoons a week (sorry about all the boring background-didn't know if relevant)
Anyway his behaviour is usually ok with the odd meltdown thrown in. He especially hates having to get dressed in the morning/ready for bed and will lie on the floor tantrumming for 10 mins or so. Thought we were passed this with reward charts etc. This lunchtime he decided he wasn't getting ready for nursery and wasn't going. We talked about it and I explained that he was going, he then proceeded to level 10 meltdown and was hitting, punching, kicking me I physically could not get hold of him to dress him as he kept kicking me near the stomach (understands there is another baby in there and seems thrilled)
I was going to take him in his other clothes but he would have just kept opening the carseat buckle and it was too dangerous to have driven him. I put him in his room and have spent literally all afternoon since crying (so I'm sorry if this is jumbled!) I am too much of a failure to get a fucking toddler dressed. I shouldn't be having another one. I really felt like smacking him so much which is why else I'm so upset.
Sorry again for my ramble-really needed to get it down.

I'm not sure I can offer any practical help but if its any comfort my usually angelic 3year old does meltdown from time to time, usually when we need to be somewhere by a certain time, and has just started the kicking and hitting. You are not a failure And not alone.
Maybe ask Pre school or health visitor for tips?
I walk aware calmy when it happens and the. Put him in his room until it has stopped but not sure it's 'correct'

I really feel for you. you are not a failure

I don't know what else to say but wanted you to know I was thinking of you

You are not a failure! I have some really difficult times with my ds who is 4, especially when we are getting dressed and organised to go out to nursery. I can't imagine what it must be like having to do it while pregnant and with a 20 month old too!

I think what Augusta said about asking HV for advice is a good idea. I did this when my ds was 2.5 and she came out to my house and we discussed the best ways of dealing with difficult behaviour. It gave me alot more confidence when dealing with the behaviour.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow x

It is for this very reason morning nursery is preferred by a lot of people! In the morning getting ready for nursery can be part of the getting up and getting ready for the day routine. Going to nursery in the afternoon means you have to get them to STOP doing whatever it is they're doing, take them away from where they've been and leave you. It is much, much harder to do that. I lost count of the number of playgroup sessions I didn't go to because they were in the afternoon and it was just too hard to get DS1 there on particular days.

Just to repeat - you are not a failure. It's really hard trying to get children out of the house on time, never mind when you're pg & have another little one!

I second speaking to the HV. One thing a friend told me, and it has helped with mine, was to give them warnings of how long they have left. So I would do a 10 minute warning - "In 10 minutes we need to do this", "you have 5 minutes left, then we need to get dressed" etc. It worked much better than the "right, stop now, we're doing this" approach I had before! Plus, they have no idea of time so you can cheat a little too and shave a couple of minutes off!

Apologies if you are already doing that, as I said it was something I struggled with and it really helped.

Thank you so so much for all your kind words and advice. Tomorrow is a new day eh!

Just to repeat, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!! I lost the plot and yelled at my 3 month old a couple of nights ago. Cried afterwards and felt terrible but she just wouldn't stop crying and my sanity had packed a suitcase and departed the building. I have shouted at ds (4yo) when it hasn't been his fault and I have just been stressed out and witchy. Again, I felt like the worst parent in the world afterwards. And who hasn't been at the receiving end of a full-on toddler tantrum? I once had to carry ds home from the shops and leave the car in the carpark as I couldn't get him into the car seat (he'd done that stiff-as-a-plank thing that toddlers do). Incidentally, a buggy is better as you can kind of 'knee' them into it and get their straps on while pinned down. I realise I am sounding like I require a call from social services. But seriously, we've all been there! I don't blame you one bit for the teary meltdown though - again, those are an inevitable consequence of being a mum. It shows that you want to do a good job and create nice well-behaved offspring - unfortunately children all morph into red-eyed monsters from time to time and make us wonder where on earth we went wrong. Despite the above, my ds is a lovely 4yo and I don't seem to have damaged / mentally scarred him for life from any of my poor handling of his tantrums. You are doing just fine! Chin up :) x

You aren't a failure at all. A lot of publicity is given to the terrible twos but everyone seems to conveniently forget it can stretch out till they are 4 or so. I actually found 3 the hardest age with my DD1. Reward charts never seemed to be a great success tbh

The clear warnings is a great idea and I find closed choices work well too, "are you going to put your top on or am I?"

I hope you get lots of cuddles tonight. It's dead hard being pregnant and having toddlers as well, remember they know know better and we are just trying to make them the best person they can be.