At the end of my tether over sleep

[bonzo77]

DS2 is 8 weeks. I actually cannot cope with the lack of sleep. He won't settle in his cot. He won't settle on me. In our bed. In the bouncy chair. Night or day. I'm in tears now and have left him bawling in his cot. I can't deal with it.

Hi sweetie, is he sleeping at all? If so, where is he sleeping?
Have you got anyone to help you? It sounds as though you need a bit of a break and now to recoup and gather your thoughts. If anyone can give you that break, take it asap x

Have you tried the carseat or your pram as alternative places for sleep? or tilt the head of your basket / cot so he isn't completely flat, maybe he has a bit of discomfort and would prefer this? Tight swaddling, dummy?

My HV said to me when my DD was tiny that if you are at the end of your tether, as long as your baby is fed and dry, leaving him to cry for a few minutes while you take a deep breath and make a cuppa is okay. By the time you come back from your tea he'll either be asleep, or if not you'll feel fractionally better and able to cope.

If nothing works, express some milk if you are bfeeding, or fill up a couple of bottles of formula and let someone else take over for a few hours while you get some shuteye. It all feels worse when you are sleep deprived.

Oh you poor thing. I remember the feeling if desperation well!! Firstly, this will pass and fairly quickly- he may still wake at night for the first year but after about 12-15 weeks he won't be doing this all day and night and he will settle back to sleep more easily.
I agree with the above- you need someone to help you for a bit until he has settled down and you feel more human. Almost everyone needs help at the first stage. Can your OH or family help? Letting him feed then you go back to sleep while someone else settles him?
Keep going and don't lose heart- you are getting there.

You poor thing, lack of sleep is hard and you're clearly having an extra tough time of it. Some babies are just harder work than others, but sometimes there is a reason for it if they are grumpy and grizzly all the time. Are you breastfeeding? He might be hungry - you could talk to your HV about options but a formula top-up at nighttime can do wonders for hungry babies. He might be colicky and windy, in which case maybe some Infacol might help, or he could have reflux. My ds1 had severe silent reflux and was never sick but howled and screamed after feeds and wouldn't settle flat. See your GP if you think that might be a possibility. If he gets diarrhoea he could have lactose intolerance, or if he gets eczema / dry skin then a cow's milk protein allergy might be a possibility. (I'm a GP :) ) Equally he might just be a baby who is unsettled for no apparent reason, but it's worth ruling out treatable causes. Will he take a dummy? I know not everyone wants to use a dummy, but I found them a godsend for both ds and dd. I just used them to help soothe them to sleep, not to constantly ram into their mouths every time they opened them. Have you tried a sling / baby carrier? A lot of mums find that grizzly babies settle nicely in them and you can carry them about the house while you do other things. Being upright helps reflux and colic and sometimes just being close to mum's chest and reassuring heartbeat does the trick. I got my BabyBjorn off eBay. Really hope things start to improve for you soon - the first few months are the hardest by far, it gets better I promise!

Thanks all for your kind words and advice. I don't usually get that worked up!

He is FF. has silent reflux which is being treated but he really needs ranitidine which we should have later this week. He usually sleeps on his tummy, in his cot with the top tilted. Which is where he was, fed, warm and changed when I last posted. In the end he bawled for 10 mins max then fell asleep. Toddler and I then got a nice snuggle and felt much better.

DH is out of the house 8-8 and is ok with the children. He's home too late to help much, but he gets toddler up in the morning and puts him to bed at night. I'm pretty organised and usually cope but have had a really bad few weeks. Now that I know that baby will settle after a few minutes I'm going to leave him to sort himself out more often. With DS1 we did CC at 6 months, but might not have had to if we'd left him to it more as a small baby. Obviously I won't leave him for ages, but a few minutes can't hurt, can it?

Sorry to hear you were feeling so desperate and glad you got it sorted. DD2 has got a proper, loud, angry cry. I found out after a while that this cry was an 'I am tired, I am going to sleep' cry. I only found out because my older DD needed me for something - toilet training probably - and by the time I dashed to DD2 she was sparko. Prior to discovering this, her cry would leave me so stressed, but after this, I always let her cry for a bit in similar scenarios, it was never more than a few minutes, and she always settled afterwards and slept soundly. Sounds like your dc is similar, and therefore I would probably let him cry for a bit.

Oh that's great - so glad he went down. Both my DSs needed to have a bit of a cry before sleep. It hasn't done them any harm and they are great sleepers now (5 and 2.4). They are not psychologically damaged!

A few minutes won't do any harm if it saves your sanity!

Have you tried swaddling? My friend bought me a swaddle pod yesterday & it worked a dream, can be used till around 12 weeks to combat Morro reflex - Google swaddle pod by summer, LO slept so much better for it. Good luck x