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Behaviour/development

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Daughter favouring 1 set of Grandparents over another....awkward!

2 replies

ladypop · 04/02/2013 11:00

Our DD, who is 3, see's both sets of grandparents equal amounts of time each week and I know she loves them all. However, for the past year or so she has always leaned more towards wanting to spend time with the one set. She gets excited about seeing them but is very neutral about the others.

Recently, it has become more obvious (with the one set recognising that she is more into the other set). The last few weeks she has become more clingy when I drop her off at the one house, saying she doesn't want to stay and even said this morning to me (whilst no one was there) that she didn't want to go there and wanted to see the other set.

I can understand why she is like this as the ones she favours pander to her every need, buy loads of cool toys all the time and basically spoil her. The others are great with her but they are a little more the other way, ie a bit firmer, she has to fit in with their plans a bit more and don't drop everything just to make sure she doesn't get upset (which to me is part of life!).

I know there is little I can do about this. We all have preferences in life and of course from a childs point of view, the one set of behaviour is favourable to the others, as children are essentially quite selfish and want to get their own way all the time.

I just feel awful for the one set as it is sometimes pretty bloody obvious where she would rather be! I think they take it on the chin quite well tbh, so I know it is probably just me being over sensitive.

I should add that she is generally more clingy at the moment with me, when I drop her off at nursery too, where has she has never really been like before. It could be coincidental, but I am expecting another baby in a few months time, so I think there are deffinately insecurities rising up I think!

OP posts:
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ladypop · 04/02/2013 11:17

PS I also should add that I know she enjoys her time with the set she says she doesn't always want to see and that she is fine when I am not there.

OP posts:
mummy2benji · 04/02/2013 20:05

Ah yes definitely awkward! If she enjoys herself when she is actually with the less-favoured set, hopefully they will see any reluctance to stay there initially as just contrary toddler behaviour and not take it personally. It would be different if she cowered in the corner of their living room the whole time she was there, crying for mummy to come and take her away and flinching when they come near. You could always drop a casual "they spoil her a bit" into the conversation, like you think it is a bit too much, so they understand it is more about getting toys and doing what she wants than about them as such. Hard to mention without sounding like you're criticising someone but maybe it can be said tactfully.

Goodness knows what I am going to do in a similar situation in the future - my brother and SIL haven't met my baby and have only met ds (now 4yo once). They have had problems conceiving and she took my pregnancies very badly. I feel awful for them but ds has two other sets of aunts and uncles on dh's side, who he sees regularly and loves. One day he will meet my bro and SIL and ask "who are you?" Awkward. Families, hey! Who'd have 'em......

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