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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my 3 year old ds to behave for 1/2 hour during a swimming lesson?

22 replies

pipsqueaky · 02/02/2013 18:36

My DS aged 3 had his first swimming lesson today, he was in a class of 7, 5 kids sat beautifully on the side of the pool listening and obeying the instructor, 1 child cried through half of the lesson while my DS moved around, talked to the other children, wandered off, shoved floats etc in the instructor's face. I was in a viewing gallery so he couldn't see me and I couldn't glare at him/tell him to sit still (not that it would have made any difference). I was utterly mortified by his behaviour, the instructor mostly ignored him and I do wonder if my DS was bored and that is why he played up. He goes to nursery and we constantly hear reports of how he hasn't listened during the day. If he is interested in something he can play beautifully but is rarely that interested in anything.

I am worried and don't really know how to tackle this - we have tried bribes, punishments, ignoring bad behaviour and don't know where to go next, please tell me it is just a phase and how to get him to listen

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OrangePetals · 02/02/2013 18:54

The swim lessons my 3 yo went to had a max 4 to an instructor, if it was 7 to one instructor I can understand him getting restless, he wouldn't be in the pool for much of the 30mins.

Does he have favourite things he will concentrate on at home? I would keep it to things he is into at the mo to build the concentrating side before expecting him to do other things iyswim

Original poster

pipsqueaky · 02/02/2013 19:05

They were assessing them today and he has been scared of water until recently so i expected him to be in awe of the situation rather than disrupt everyone. I spent most of the lesson cringing because the others sat so nicely!! He will concentrate on activities he enjoys for ages but does have issues obeying instructions and listening in general. Am just hoping this is normal 3 year old boy behaviour and there isn't an actual problem

OP posts:

OrangePetals · 02/02/2013 19:08

I think it's pretty normal, that's why learning is all play based at pre schools and they choose what to play with so it follows their focus. That way they can build an attention span to apply to other things when they are older.

Catsdontcare · 02/02/2013 19:10

He's 3 he's doing 3 year old stuff.

brainonastick · 02/02/2013 19:12

He is 3.

That is all.

duchesse · 02/02/2013 19:29

YABU yes, he is 3 and unless he has any real interest in swimming he is most likely to play up.

There is a reason school used to start at 5- that's because 5 years olds are altogether more compliant than 3/4 year olds. DD3 will be 4 yo +3 days when she starts reception and I'm worried already.

If I were you I'd shelve the swimming lessons for a few months and try again when he's more amenable, unless you have a compelling reason for him to be swimming in which case I'd advise trying again with smaller classes (maybe 2-3 maximum).

Fianccetto · 02/02/2013 19:50

It's normal for a 3 year old. I did swim classes with my children when they were babies up to 2 (with me) and then left it for 2 or 3 years until they were ready to take instructions without me. I would have been wasting my money at that age. (I took them swimming to a variety of pools each week.)

Original poster

pipsqueaky · 02/02/2013 19:50

Hhhhmmm glad it is normal. It is just upsetting to see 5 kids the same age behaving so well (4 were boys btw) and mine being a pain. He was keen to start swimmimg lessons so maybe was excited and can see why he was bored. Will see how he gets on over the next few weeks and try and be more patient. Hope something just clicks and listening skills kick in soon. Luckily he will start school a few days before he turns 5 so we do have a little more time

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 02/02/2013 23:13

I'd stop the lessons. That's quite a high ratio of kids to one instructor, especially for a group of 3yo. My 5yo had a lesson today and there were 7 of them but with 2 teachers, both were in the pool with the children. Sounds like he might enjoy just going swimming with you instead.

MegBusset · 02/02/2013 23:21

I wouldn't bother with swimming lessons at 3 personally. I know my nearly-4yo might struggle to concentrate. My DS1 started lessons at 5.5.

IrnBruTheNoo · 03/02/2013 08:35

Not sure why a 3yo needs swimming lessons, tbh. DS1 was 5.5y when he started swimming lessons (same month he started primary school). There's no way he would have been able to follow instruction at the age of 3 though!!

IrnBruTheNoo · 03/02/2013 08:36

"mine being a pain"

He wasn't being a pain, OP. He was being like any other typical 3yo. Normal to be like that at that age.

ilovepowerhoop · 03/02/2013 15:58

both mine were around 4 when they started swimming lessons. They do take children from the age of 3 but the instructor is in the water with them at that age.

Sommink · 28/02/2013 19:46

I teach swimming lessons to classes of 8 3-5 yr olds, we get in the water with them, we are used to them playing up a little and most teachers start off ignoring (unless the behaviour could put him or others at risk) you wouldn't believe how quickly the children will start to listen and behave. A lot of mine have 'super glue' on their hands so they dont let go of the wall etc (children are out of depth) and quickly learn to follow instruction.

If the teachers aren't coming to you saying there is a problem then there isn't. Hopefully in the coming weeks the classes will start focusing on the FUNdamentals of swimming, I have 3 y/o's who can swim on their back unaided (without armbands or support) and balance ducks on their foreheads so it is worth it.

lljkk · 01/03/2013 07:55

Mine weren't up to that level of focus until 5yo. Not always consistent, either, until 9yo.

Meglet · 01/03/2013 08:02

Yabu. He's 3. The teacher will be used to it.

DD is 4.5 and still fannys about during swimming lessons, as do the other children. They still learn and have fun. The teacher has the patience of a saint.

Iggly · 01/03/2013 08:56

Maybe the others were older 3 year olds. I took ds to a football class for 3-5 year olds. He was 3 and too young. No way would he sit and listen - i wouldn't dare leave him to it! We'll be taking him and dd swimming until he's 4/5 then do lessons.

willyoulistentome · 01/03/2013 09:08

He's 3 and he can't listen or concentrate for long yet. ..and that's totally OK.

However, I would def stop lessons for a while. A friend of mine had her child 'expelled' from swimming lessons, as he was disrupting the lessons so much. The mums attitude was ' I don;t mind if he's mucking about so long as he is enjoying himself'. Well yes - he should be enjoying himself - but that's not really the point - The other families have paid for the lesson and should expect the teacher to be able to teach rather than having to retrieve the disruptive one from where he has run off to or getting in everyones way. If he can't behave and join in properly you should take him swimming yourself and not put him in an organised lesson. The Mum I know was furious about her son being thrown out, but I agreed with the teacher. She was not able to teach and letting the others in the class down.

Beatrixpotty · 01/03/2013 15:00

My DS was the same.During the first lesson he messed around,got up and ran off and spat water in the instructors face.I just thought he was the most disruptive boy ever!He was similar in the second & 3rd lessons.He was 3.3 when he started.The instructors reassured me and said,he is by no means the worst we have had,just keep bringing him,which I did.I said he could have a special treat if he was a good boy in his lessons,which worked.I knew he was capable of following instructions as he goes to pre-school and co-operates in a class of 20.Now 2 months later he follows the instructions and has settled down,so don't give up!I bought him some fab goggles too which he loves and have boosted his confidence.Disagree that 3 is too young to learn.He has so much fun in the water and is confident.Also,if you have younger DCs you aren't allowed to take them to the pool together so lessons are one way he gets to go in the water at all partly why I did it as expecting baby no.3.I found taking him on his own when I do the get the chance has also been great for him so if at all possible ,do that alongside the lessons.

ZuleikaD · 01/03/2013 15:02

YABU. I'd say he's not ready for swimming lessons (and they're pretty pointless at 3 anyway!)

kelda · 01/03/2013 15:05

Has he been to any structured activities before? My ds has been going to swimming since the age of three, in a group of 8 with two instructors. Nearly all children here go to full time nursery school from the age of 2.5 or 3, so are used to the structure.

Hulababy · 01/03/2013 15:06

Normal behaviour for a 3y.

One of the reasons why swimming lessons in our LA pools don't start until 5y too, even if it is one with an adult in the pool.

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