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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

a very naughty 2year old!!

14 replies

Kayleigha · 01/02/2013 22:24

please help... how do you punish a very clever 2year old.

i have tried shouting and she just shouts back!
the naughty step she thinks is great!!

any advice...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FunnysInLaJardin · 01/02/2013 22:28

withdraw, no eye contact and go silent on them. DS2 is the same, a very switched on 2yo - although 3 in 2 weeks- he has been like this for most of his 2's. Impossible to tell off. He doesn't get upset just thinks everything is funny. So when I need him to go to bed/generally behave I go all stony faced. He hates it and thrives on attention. Obv give them a cuddle and a kiss once it is all over and tell them that they have been naughty but you still love them loads

Pancakeflipper · 01/02/2013 22:30

I wouldn't bother with shouting. You'll just end up with a shouty household.

Naughty step didn't work with my children.

Removal of their current fav. toy for a day ( add a day if they argue vs k) did work. Also having a 'merit' chart worked with my DS2 who is a very 'spirited child' , where if they did something great like behaving at the shops etc then they'd get a sticker on the chart and when X amount of stickers they'd get a treat ( going to their fav park etc).

It's trial and error to find what works. Have fun!!!

Original poster

Kayleigha · 01/02/2013 22:32

i will try the stoney face thank you. she very good going to bed, just the rest of time she hard work. she smacks a lot at the moment and telling her off for it is hard but will try the silent straight face.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kayleigha · 01/02/2013 22:35

naughty step worked wonders on my son but not working with this one. think she too young for reward chart but think she would understand if i took fav toy off her, that very good idea thank you.

OP posts:

FunnysInLaJardin · 01/02/2013 22:39

we tried taking toys off DS2 and by the end he had no toys in his room and was just not bothered. Also he is too young still to understand a sticker chart and rewards. I agree with not being shouty. We did this with DS2 for a bit and all we got was a shouty household, a DS1 who wouldn't settle and a DS2 who thrived on the shouting! We have now stopped shouting!

SirBoobAlot · 01/02/2013 22:40

Find out why she is playing up. Children have reasons for their actions just like we do. Ask her why she is doing something, keeping very calm and reasonable. Explain to her why you don't like it.

Also, the more you tell a child they are naughty, the more they will be 'naughty', as they feel you have already cast a judgement on them. Rather, tell them that it made you feel angry / sad / frustrated / etc, and explain to them why you would like them to do something else to express it.

Original poster

Kayleigha · 01/02/2013 22:42

yeah my ds2 is very shouty i think from me shouting mainly. need to quieten myself down first then maybe ds2 will too. then she might listen more if not so loud.

OP posts:

paranoid2android · 02/02/2013 00:39

What helped me is understanding why children are 'naughty' . Basically the need to connect is a fundamental human need and kids seem to need an almost infinite amount of attention! The view I like to take is that naughty behavior is actually a cry for help.
Do being Stoney faced or doing the naughty step work in the short term but in the long run they actually make behavior worse because your child will feel more disconnected from you because you have withdrawn from them or in effect separated them from you.
Sometimes this methods work cos a child is desperate to reconnect with you they will be good for a while but not in the long run.

Hand in Hand parenting has ideas about discipline that are all based on improving your connection with your child. There is no need for the kind of punishments that make you feel bad like taking away toys , they just breed anger and resentment in your child. Positive parenting when done with firm but gently set limits like hand on hand suggests is the way to help your kids be better behaved in the long run.
Unfortuaetly many of us were shouted at as children, and this sometimes seems like the natural thing to do, but it just hurts children and leads to more bad behavior in the long run. Hand in hand is amazing and actually explains that are children are naturally good loving , and want to cooperate with us. However sonetimes their behavior goes off track when they feel disconnected . Offering warmth and connection helps them feel secure again to be their natural cooperative selves. This sounds counterintuitive but our kids love us - they don't really want to battle us, it's just sometimes they have strong emotions that send them off track.

CatchTheFox · 02/02/2013 21:37

paranoid2android, what a great post. i am totally with you on this one.

peachypips · 02/02/2013 21:41

Interested in above - have read 'Playful Parenting' which is based on the same kinds of ideas.
However, my 2 yr old gets strapped in the buggy in the hall for 2 mins if he's naughty!

CatchTheFox · 02/02/2013 22:35

peachypips - i hope you don't mind me asking, but what sort of naughtiness do you mean? hitting and stuff?

SirBoobAlot · 02/02/2013 22:38

Peachy, that is just going to create bad associations with the buggy, surely?

And the idea of physically restraining a child for doing something you don't like is horrible. What are you going to do when he outgrows the buggy? Tie him down?!

Eskino · 02/02/2013 22:41

I agree with stony face and no negative attention.

When he gives you the cheeky grin, tell him its not ok to smile, he should be sad, this will help develop his empathy. Let him know its not fun for you to get cross or for him to be got cross at.. Things are nice when you are nice to each other.

Then of course lots of praise and hugs when he is helpful and kind.

peachypips · 03/02/2013 14:04

Ha ha ha ha!! I'm not physically restraining him- I just use it like a naughty step!! I'm not horrible at all- soft as a baby's arse!
He is really great on the whole- just cheeky. The main thing he gets 'physically restrained(!)' for is throwing food or hitting his brother. I just say to him 'We don't hit sausage. If you do that again then I am going to pop you in ur buggy so you can't hurt DS1'. He just sits in there quietly- doesn't try and get out or scream or anything.

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