Wild/crazy behaviour in my 4 year old

[Ellewood]

Hi - I have a 4.5 year old and a 2.5 year old. Ever since I can remember my 4.5 year old girl has been very energetic, lively and very very excitable. But right now her behaviour is the cause of all our problems and shouting at home. My husband and I are at a loss at to how to deal with it or why it is occurring.

When she was younger - from 2 onwards - and we had visitors to our home she would just go crazy with excitement and run around screaming like a mad person. It made me feel very uncomfortable as it really looked like she was a bit crazy when just minutes before she had been fine and playing normally. This behaviour went on for a while and I thought she would outgrow it. It did seem to go away a bit but it's come back or it never really went away and we are just fed up with it now - I don't know which it is. She can be sitting watching TV quietly then someone will knock and come in and she gets up and runs around screaming and whips up our (much quieter) younger son into this crazy frenzy where they are just running and screaming. My son laughs because he thinks its a game but my daughter just screams and makes all these bizarre noises. She ignores me or anyone else that tries to calm her down - when she is in this state there is no calming her down at all. She runs away and carries on and ignores everyone. It has started to make me really mad with her and a lot of shouting ensues. Sometimes I even say things to her that I regret later. My husband is equally struggling with it. Has anyone got any ideas why she might be doing this or how on earth we deal with it?

When she is tired this behaviour seems to occur as well - where she runs around screaming and looking for trouble.

She also always needs or wants someone to do everything with her. She will sit for a long time and do an activity but always and only if one of us is there to do it with her. So when I am making dinner and my husband is at work this crazy behaviour seems to rear its head too - my son might be happily lining up his cars in his room but my daughter - bored or tired - will seek him out and start the screaming/chasing/looking for trouble routine.

I am feeling pretty desperate right now and would so like to know if anyone has had this with their child or can shed some light onto it for me?

Just a final note - she does seem to play really well with other children most of the time and is very popular at her nursery.

Thanks for any help anyone can offer!

I would stage some interaction,

I would always make sure that she knows when someone is coming,

I suggest when she is calm talk to her, ask her how she thinks she should behave when visitors arrive, let her articulate the acceptable behaviour, help her come up with a plan, ask her if she has any ideas how to keep her brother calm, even if her ideas are wack -a- doodle, talk them through, let her spot the flaws, take your time, spread the conversation out,

ask her what does she think the guest might like, what will they need,

ask her if she could help you entertain some guests,ask her if she would like to help host, tell her if she gets really good at it she will be able to invite a special guest and choose a menu,

get her to help make some food, cheese straws and cake, and make a special table,

when the pre warned guests arrive, ask her if she wants you to help answer the door, if she manages it, great, ignore anything else,

the more she rehearses in her mind before the actual situation, the less it will make her fizz pop, repeat until it becomes a calm thing,

During each encounter praise any positives, and afterwards ask her which she bits she thought were best and which she thought were worst,

Secretly pre warn guests if they could only when she is calm ask her about the food, and ask her to show them the loo, and ask her if she could show them the garden, and ask if she could show them a picture, and totally ignore her when she is wild.

but only give her attention when she is being calm.

lots of pre chats when someone is coming, ask her what she would like to do for the guests to make them feel comfortable,

if she has something to focus on and has had lots of rehearsal time, she will be able to feel more prepared for interaction,

help her find positive way to channel the energy.

Is she really intelligent?

Quoteunquote - oh wow that all makes so much sense. Thank you so much for your ideas. I don't always tell her when people are coming and I definitely could prep her more and get her involved. I think - from knowing my daughter and how she ticks - your suggestions would work. She would enjoy co-hosting and I think you're right - it would help to channel her energy. I am going to try all those things you said.

Re. Intelligent - I think she is pretty sharp and seems to be a deep thinker. Why do you ask? Have you seen this before in other children? What do you think it's linked to?

Thank you again. You have given me a way forward and some concrete steps when I was really floundering before. It feels better just having an action plan!

It's a symtom of a type of processing (often belonging to a type of high intelligence), the equal and opposite is getting gripped (freezing) usually on boys.

pre processing possible situations will give her tools to turn to, get her to generate the ideas of possible scenarios and solutions, then she will "own" the concept, just prompt her into the right direction, but let he work out potential events and answers,

I would before you go into a supermarket or any interaction, do the same give lots of warning casual conversation, ask her what she thinks should be the behaviour, just prompt ,"can you think of anything else ?,

ask for her to find the next item on the list, point to each item, explain how you choose, and ask her to carefully pass each item,

If you ask her to produce the ideas then they belong to her, and she gets to rehearse any possibilities,

she is thinking deeply, (chess and maths) she is thinking out a huge amount of possible interactions , and hasn't yet developed the processing tools, so is entirely overwhelmed.

eventually she will compress it down to a hand waggle,

make sure she is stimulated and encourage her to articulate and explore solutions, she will then start to have an idea how to focus her energies.