Nearly 3 year old DS - how able should he be to play alone?

[Bearcrumble]

I don't know if I have unrealistic expectations but I was hoping that around now my DS would be able to entertain himself a little bit more than he does.

He's great company, very verbal, funny and bright.

He's fine if I join in (duplo, painting, games, just talking) but I would like occasionally when we are together for him to just do something by himself. He will sit and watch a favourite TV show for half an hour (we limit tv to less than an hour a day).

If I want to do something alone and he's around I have to resort to telly.

I also have a very demanding/velcro 9 month old baby girl. It's so hard to try and play with DS whilst also keeping her from grabbing at whatever we are doing which really infurates him. He tolerates her quite well as long as she isn't crawling up to him and interfering in what he's doing.

He does three half days at preschool and one whole day with my mum.

If we go out for walks or to the park it is a lot easier and he is lovely on the whole but this morning was rainy so we had to stay home. I worry that he won't ever be able to entertain himself. I got the paints out and he was bored with that in about 5 mins. He built a duplo tower but kept screaming because it would fall down. He helped me bake some muffins but the baby was screaming the whole time... and all this before midday when he started nursery. I do let him help me around the house wherever possible - eg hanging washing and he loves cooking.

How can I assist him to play by himself? If I ignore him or say I think he would enjoy playing by himself he shouts for me to play with him and I feel so horrible and guilty and like a crap mum so I do or I get annoyed and then feel even more guilty. I worry that he'll never be able to enjoy his own company. I am an only child and have always valued time by myself (am very social as well but I need the balance).

My DD is 4 but similar. The ONLY thing I find that she'll do alone is messy stuff....so I give her little containers and spoons, lots of them....a jug of water and a supply of hard pasta, rice, flour etc. The I put an old coat on her and let her mix it all up on the patio.

SHe's there for ages often!

Well you've got a baby. He wants your attention. Give him some attention then you can pop off and do bits. But if you're wanting him to play alone while you're with DD, then I think you're being unrealistic and unfair on him.

My ds is 3.4, dd is 13 months. Me and DH make sure we get the two ofthem playing in the same room and try and manage competing demands so they both learn how to deal with each other etc.

If I want to do something, ds can come too - and I let him help. Dd will potter about or sit in the high chair.

Over time, ds has eased off on wanting me all the time since dd was born because he's got plenty of attention from me. So maybe that's what you need to do. He's still young and has a baby sister to get used to. She's gone from a passive baby to a grabbbing interfering one.

I think the only time I'd really like for him to play alone while I was with DD would be if I was trying to settle her for a nap, but I gave up on that months ago and just let her sleep in the pram when we're out walking.

If they are in the same room and both 'loose' she will invariably crawl up to him and grab what he's playing with which makes him scream and he will lash out if I don't remove her asap.

I try my hardest to get as much one-to-one time with DS as possible. DH gets home at 5 and we have dinner then from 6 til 7 he has the baby and I spend an hour reading to/chatting with DS upstairs. It's often the nicest part of the day.

MrsMushroom Thanks for tip. He does love messy stuff - we built a vinegar/bicarbonate of soda volcano last week and he's still talking about it.