How can I convince my daughter it's good to be tall?? She's very unhappy. :-(

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter is nearly 8 but has learning difficulties, giving her a mental age of about 4-5. She is extreamly tall for her age at 4 foot 7. and she hates it. I was also very tall as a child but stopped growing at about 12, then everyone else caught up. I think she'll be the same.

Everyone comments on her height all the time, from people we've just met, or people who haven't seen her in a while. She was very upset the other night. She woke up crying, because a boy at school had said she was too big to be in her year group. She said she doesn't want to grow up or turn 8.
She loves babies and all things small and cute, she wants to think of herself in this catagory. She is cute, just not small.

I hated being the tallest in the class too, so I know exactly how she feels. Is there anything I can do or tell her to make her happier about herself?
We've tried the everyone is different story, but she's still not happy. Are there any books we could buy, that tackle the issue of girls being tall? We've found loads for children who are small, but none for tall.

Thanks.

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I don't know if this will help, I was the same as you - tall until 11, when I stopped growing and everyone overtook me. I liked being tall though, I think because I was a tomboy and did quite a lot of sports and was partly good at them because I was taller and longer-legged (obviously I just thought I was good, the people growing past me was a bit of a wake up call)!

Could you maybe take her to football/running/basketball (maybe even ballet?) or something where other people might think she is lucky for being tall. Maybe ask some of the other mums about it and encourage their daughters to say she is lucky. Sorry I can't really help, or suggest books, just didn't want it to go unanswered, hopefully someone else will be along shortly.

THank you. Good idea to ask the mums to prompt their daughters to say she's lucky. She has extreamly poor co-ordination, so doesn't like any form of sport. We tried ballet but it was far too difficult and they were too strict.

Is the mr Tall mr man book a positive reflection on being tall? DD is asleep and the books are in her room so i can't route around and wake her.

If you go to the fun fair places like Gulivers World, Alton towers, Diggerland if you're tall you can go on the rides, if your short you can't. Doesshe enjoy those sort of things or could you make a milestone event out of oh when you're this height you can do ....

I have twins nephew and niece. My nephew has been short for age my niece incredibly tall. She has been able to go on all the rides with 2 of my own slightly older DC whilst my nephew we had to distract and take on the baby slot rides.

Your poor dd. dsd2 is also very tall and has very large feet, which she's embarassed about. Now she's older (14) she's a lot happier with herself. I've been telling her she could be a supermodel (she is actually stunning) and talk about how clothes fit and look better when you're taller.
Your dd's probably too young for that now though but as she gets older it will get easier.
Sorry, probably not much help.

Too Tall Alice. Just come across this review on Amazon.

Good point about the rides. I'll point that out to her, as I don't think she realises that shorter children can't go on them.

She also has big feet, one is a 2 and the other a 3, which is unusual. She isn't bothered by this though as she looks in prepaution. I was really skinny as well as being tall and having big feet. The boys used to say I looked like a walking L shape. Luckily, she's not skinny, she's an ideal weight for her height.

I feel for your DD. I was always tall for my age and wanted to be teeny and petite like my friends. But like you, I was glad when I grew up a bit. I wonder, could you show her some really positive tall role models, to alter her assumptions about beauty and cuteness? There are loads of stunning Olympic athletes, or tennis players, or if she wants a more pink-and-sparkly route maybe some of the tall dancers on Strictly? And K-Mid is about 5'10'' isn't she?

I appreciate these are not all traditionally feminist role models, but they might get her appreciating that cuteness isnt everything, and also cuteness comes in all shapes and sizes. What about reading Pipi Longstocking with her, Pipi is so strong she could lift a horse, but nobody would say she isn't cute! I used to find the Pipi books so empowering because they weren't about a pink princessy heroine..

Your DD might not be sporty or co-ordinated, but her height will give her some other advantages. For example Could you try horse riding? If you explain her learning difficulties, you might find that a riding school would give her private beginner lessons so she could learn at her own pace. They will often spend a first lesson just letting her get to know the pony, stroking, 'helping' grooming, and so on, and you'll be able to watch. I suggest it because her height will help her - my tiny 8 year old DSD started a year ago and is struggling because she just does not have the power in her legs!

Riding is pricey but a lesson every 2-3 weeks might give her something else to talk to her friends about, and give her a feeling that she is doing something that some of her other friends aren't doing. And riding is amazing for building confidence and stress reduction.

thank you Misformumnotmaid! I'll order that. It looks good.

I was always very proud of being the tallest in my year (I'm 5'11" now), and doing sports / martial arts probably helped a lot. I don't remember ever being made to feel awkward about it by the other kids - fortunately being strongest / fastest got you lots of popularity points at my school, even as a girl. They did tease me about my big feet though, fair enough - they look like flippers!

Being tall is considered very beautiful of course ( you may not want her to have models as role models but you could point out some examples of tall people (basket ball players, actors, models).

www.amazon.co.uk/Tall-Jez-Alborough/dp/1406301736/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1359578342&sr=1-2

This is a picture book called tall which is about convincing the monkey that it's ok to be small but all the way through he is desperately trying to be bigger than everyone else he meets so it might be useful for your DD too.

Also found this book online.

www.goodreads.com/book/show/6192429-too-tall-alice

Mr Tall is quite a good Mr Men book (He bemoans being tall until he discovers it makes him a very fast walker).

Also found this one. Don't know if it's any good.

www.amazon.co.uk/Too-Tall-Paul-Too-Small-Real-Readers/dp/0761320466/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359578265&sr=8-1

Oh this breaks my heart. It can be soooo tough being 'different' as a child. I really struggled. Now 5'11 i had a very tough time always feeling awkward and tall. I remember my own aunt asking me (age 12) to 'babysit' my cousin (age 11) because she forgot i was only 1 yer older than her and by no means old enough to be responsible to take care of another child. Always mistaken for someone older i felt robbed of a childhood and therefore took a lot longer to let go of my 'little girl' ways. (I played with Barbie until i was 14). I also had difficulties with learning. Fortunately my mum encouraged me to do a 'modelling course' to build my confidence. I danced classical ballet for years which improved my posture and made me hold my head high. I played goal shooter in netball and when i was 16 i signed with a reputable modelling agency. Although my career only lasted a few years it built my confidence tremendously. I now have a 21 month old who wears a size 3-4 with size 7 feet!! Lordy lord!!!

Having size three feet has its advantages, but you might not want to tell her. Its the cross over size to having the choice of all ladies shoes as well as all girls ones. She has far more choice available to her than those who can only have girls shoes.

Thank you Thewombat, I'll look into the riding. She is a huge animal lover, so she might like that.

I think a good thing to discuss would be that being tall means that she can be helpful. She can reach things on high shelves that her friends might have trouble reaching. She will be able to see over heads in movie theaters.

I like being tall why on earth are we getting ???? Yes I remember feeling a bit oversized next to some friends but in the grand scheme of things. Everyone's different and beautiful in their own way. Also life's tough and little challenges in childhood prepare balanced adults. I think you need to stop projecting your negative height issues into your daughter and start concentrating on boosting her confidence.

I agree with BrettGirl I'm 6ft and I love being tall.

Wow I know that supermodels might not be the best role models but still, it would be good to point out she is tall enough to be one and that is very cool & probably very desirable to the average young girl...and isnt there an initiative at the moment to attract tall girls to certain sports eg rowing?