How do I discipline my 22m old?? He thinks its a joke!

[AbbyCat]

He thinks its a joke when I say no or try to stop him from doing something naughty! And he seems to do it more when he gets the negative response.

For example- he likes to hit a wall hanging that we have over the sofa. He does it to get my attention if I'm not giving him enough. But sometimes he does it even when I'm with him and reading to him or playing with him. He'll then laugh and look at me because he knows he'll get told off or be removed from the sofa. It seems like any reaction is counter productive as he wants me to react to it!

I've tried saying no, putting on a stern voice/ face, trying to explain why he shouldn't do it, counting to three and confiscating toys, (am contemplating naughty step but will do it as a last resort).... Any ideas???

Well he's young. So discipline is the wrong word really.

Distraction is your friend here. Because he wants your attention - he doesn't care what kind!

Other option is to move it - why tempt him? When theyre this age, they are very impulsive and curious - for good reason - so its hard to teach restraint.

Third option is to ignore. And really praise good behaviour.

So three more options to try

you can't discipline him at this age

He LOVES your reaction, because he is beginning to realise that he can control what happens - he is beginning to feel that he can make things happen (like you getting angry!)

various strategies:

ignore the behaviour

praise him when he DOESN'T touch the wall hanging

distract him

maybe even remove the wall hanging for a while

but also, you have to repeat, repeat, repeat what you want them/don't want them to do

its just a phase, hang in there

I must say that I started my version of the naughty step around that age. I would only make them stay there for literally a few seconds though. It was really just to demonstrate that I did not like what they were doing.

I've found with my toddler (now 2.3) that negative attention, including the naughty step and 'telling off' has a tendency to escalate. We had a phase where I was trying to be 'strict' and basically all that happened was that everyone was unhappy. Lots of tantrums, and yes, sometimes she would wind me up because she found it funny. So I try not to use 'discipline' very often. Like others have said, distract, praise good stuff where you can, ignore. This change in approach from me has meant a massive change for the better in our house.

Discipline = "to teach". It doesn't necessarily mean punish, although it's often used in that sense.

So for this situation, distract him from the wall. Don't reward him with attention when he hits it. Take him down but without comment - remove to another room if necessary? Show him that it's for looking at - look at it with him, I don't know what kind of pattern it is but you could talk about the things if it's a picture, or the colours and shapes if it's abstract or geometric. While you're looking at it with him encourage pointing but not touching, just gently remove his hands if he tries to touch it etc and remind him "We look, not touch."

Thanks all. I've been going with the ignoring it or removing him without saying anything and it seems to be working- at least it jut isn't as fun when I don't react! I'm not sure the ignore approach will work when he hits the cat or dd (3m) but certainly removing him is what I'll be doing instead of telling off.
I am really finding this stage so difficult! He was such a miserable baby for the first 3 months, and then an absolute joy to be with (but always very high needs and not comfortable in any situation without me around) and now he is just awful some days! He's just starting to talk and half the time I have no idea what his tantrums are about. I just want my happy baby back!

You have a 3 month old? There's your answer!