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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD cries for me to hold her... poor daddy!

17 replies

MammyShirl · 15/01/2004 14:18

I know its inevitable that the main child carer will be the main person in the childs life. I gre up with my mum at home and wanted her when i was upset moe than my father who i saw for two hours every evening and weeekends. I love them both but im sure it was the same for most of you?
My dh and I discussed that this would probably happen withour dd as i look after and work two days, therefore I am the main carer. When we both collect her on the days we work, she stretches out for me and if he picks her up, she cries the leans towards me... i can tell this upsets him. this has only happended recently, she is almost 10 months. anyone else have similar experience.

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fio2 · 15/01/2004 15:24

Yes my ds (who is noe 2y3m) still does it. He is turning into a mommys boy. He still likes rough and tumble with Daddy though. DD is the opposite she has always been all her dad even though I am the main carer. She is 4 now but still chooses dad over me!

Kayleigh · 15/01/2004 15:36

My ds1 was the same when he was little. Since ds2 he is more of a daddy's boy, although if ill or upset he will always come to me first.
And ds2 will only ever let dh do anything for him if I'm not around. He is 2.5 now and the constant refrain in our house at the weekends is "No! Mummy do it"

Bozza · 15/01/2004 15:37

My DS was like this until very recently. Would cry if it was Daddy to give him a bath (prob because tired at this time of day therefore wanting me more). He will be 3 in Feb and since Christmas he has become a real Daddy's boy. We are assuming that this is because DH was around a lot over the Christmas hols. It is quite good timing for us because I am pregnant. I was a bit peeved when he woke up and shouted "mummy" and I got up and went to him and he said "i want my daddy". "Well shout for him then...". And he does now! It used to be difficult for DH so I can sympathise with how yours feels but things might change eventually if he just hangs in there.

Bozza · 15/01/2004 15:38

We used to have "mummy do it" but it has changed to "daddy do it" quite often now.

StressyHead · 15/01/2004 15:39

message withdrawn

Kayleigh · 15/01/2004 15:41

ooh I look forward to that Bozza

CookieMonster · 15/01/2004 15:41

Yes, MammyShirl, my dd is exactly the same. She is 2y11m and has been like this for more than 2 years. This is despite the fact that I work full time and so dh sees her the same amount as I do.

If I'm not around then she is perfectly happy with dh but as soon as I appear she will have nothing to do with him. I do feel sorry for dh because he does really make an effort to give me a break from her constant clinging but it's to no avail ... I think after all this time he's learnt not to let it upset him but it must be very hard ... I just tell him to make the most of his 'freedom' because if she does an about turn and becomes a Daddy's girl then he won't be able to sit and play a computer game, go to the toilet alone, have a lie-in at the weekend etc etc etc

motherinferior · 15/01/2004 15:41

My dd1 is besotted with her daddy; mind you he does tend to get up more when she bellows.

It does hurt my feelings sometimes when she shouts GOWAY MUMMY I WANT DADDY...

katierocket · 15/01/2004 15:42

I think this is really common around this age. It will pass.

secur · 15/01/2004 16:15

Message withdrawn

Blu · 15/01/2004 17:09

My DP used to take this a bit personally until he heard that other dads got exactly the same treatment. For us the 'Mummy' thing has persisted until about now, and, in fact, since he was 3 months, I have never been the 'main carer', we both do exactly the same number of days at home with him etc We have established certain 'special' times so that DP can have an area of closness that is his: I have never given DS a bath, for e.g DP always takes him in with him. I think there is a pattern that little girls become 'Daddy's girl' before little boys defect, so perhaps your DH won't have too long to wait.

steppemum · 16/01/2004 06:50

my ds became like this at about 10 months too, and often would demand mummy. My dh and I share childcare, and dh does bathtime, and get up and breakfast, so it isn't even a main childcarer thing, he just went through an extreme mummy phase. he is now 13 months and we have noticed that he is suddenly less clingy to me and is happy for it to be either of us, although when some visitors arrived that he hadn't met before, and it he woke up to find them there, he was a bit overwhelmed and wanted mummy again.

I have heard that they go through "same gender" parent phases and "opposite gender" parent phases. I know that one of the same gender phases is around 4 yrs, because my dad lost his dad when he was four, and my mum always said that it was one the worst possible time for a boy to loose their father, because they are very attacthed to daddy at four. I don't know if this is true???

dot1 · 16/01/2004 09:06

I'm so glad this thread is here - was going to start an exact same one today I'm so fed up! Our 2 year old ds is just like this - only wants dp when she's around - this morning dp and I were in the room with him and refused to let me feed him, even though he was hungry and dp was trying to eat her own breakfast - he would rather have sat crying and not eating than have me feed him...! Very depressing and really gets me down (but then I am quite down at the moment anyway). If dp isn't around then he's fine with me, and would definitely rather be with me than anyone else, but he'll always choose dp over me, and always shouts out for her in the night, etc. I really hope it does pass, because I'm now expecting baby no. 2, and don't want a divide and rule house with me looking after baby all the time and dp looking after ds...

rainbow · 17/01/2004 13:22

MammyShirl, at around 8 months, children devleop what's known as stranger fear. Usually this is with unfamilar people whether that be complete strangers or people that they hardly see, for example grandparents' who live away and they see once or twice a month or less. Sometimes it's with familiar people ie the non main caring parent.

'James' started nursery at 71/2 months, his mum was very clingy toward him shut Dad out as much as poss. 'James' spent a lot of time in nursery and at 10 months settled in well. Unfortunately he attached himself to me much to his mother's disgust. He would scream and want to come back to me when I handed him back at the end of the day.

Also it could be that she is 'punishing' her Dad for leaving her. That is also very common.
She may also just have bonded better with you. My DS3 is very much a Mummy's boy,wants no-one but me. At the moment DH is off on long term sick leave so is around nearly all the time but DS3 still prefers his Mum.!!
Things should calm down at around 12-18 months when she becomes more independant.

rainbow · 17/01/2004 13:29

Dot1, I found that that can work. Ds2 is 3yo and DS3 15mo. Because I breast fed, DH dealt with DS2 more often than not while I dealt with DS3. as long as you don't solely look after 1 child each and the children have time with both of you then it shouldn't divide you. Also the fact that you are pg could have something to do with it. Some children become more clingy to mum when she is pg again and other's it'drives them away. Once DB2 arrives things may calm down a bit, especially if he is involved with caring for baby with your help.

DGD · 20/01/2004 13:09

I have this situation with both DDs 3yrs and 1yr. They both like to rough and tumble with their Dad, but want me for virtually everything else, especially the 1yr old, who will bawl if it's not me attending to her We spoke about it and Dp says it does hurt him a bit, but that it's to be expected as I'm the main carer (although I work 4 days a week). He's more concerned about the fact that I'm too knackered to give him any attention! It is knackering, but I'd find it more difficult if it was the other way round.

Enid · 20/01/2004 14:02

Both mine are like this. Our 4 year old is MUCH better now and occasionally prefers dh to do some things with her (I started reading very short boring stories in the evening, he got the exciting ones so she now thinks he's a much better reader than me!).

Unfortunately our 14 month old is totally obsessed with me and cries if daddy even picks her up. Because we've been through it with dd1 we know that it will improve but it must be hurtful to dh - not to mention being knackering for me!

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