Anyone know about headstrong little girls?

[anna26anna]

Hi there,
Our DD is 2.10, our third child, coming after two boys (7 and 5). In the last few months she's showing the signs of being a fairly determined little character, and there have been a few issues. We're not new to parenting and it's a big priority for us to have really well-mannered children, but we're not managing to nail this on the head very efficiently, so far at least.

DD goes part-time to playgroup, and she's getting fairly regular time-outs for unacceptable behaviour. She apparently scratched a teacher on the face who scolded her for something. She was physical with another child twice (pulled hair, pushed in face). She told her teacher to shut up on another occasion. I hardly need to add that none of this is acceptable behaviour at home. The standard response at home is, we remove her from the situation and tell her that she doesn't get to play until she's ready to be friendly. She has to apologise, and although it costs her dearly sometimes, she always does. Playgroup is taking the same approach. I work in the mornings and our childminder follows our lead with this too. Because she has a good understanding in general, there are consequences to her actions, like she loses a treat for example. My DH suggested yesterday that really she may not understand just how out of order this is, since she sees and hears her brothers being rough with each other - but she's a clever little thing and I'm not so sure.

The other disturbing thing is that she's turning into a regular little potty-mouth. Toilet words which her brother of 5 introduced to her vocabulary ('poo-poo-head', anyone?) are regularly rained down on whichever brother annoys her excessively, and although I haven't heard her use them with another child, she's definitely done it in the hearing of others.

Who has experienced something similiar? Any different approach you'd recommend for determined little girls, or light at the end of the tunnel to share?

Anna

Nothing you've said sounds massively out of the ordinary for a 2yo who is testing boundaries.

Why are you putting so much emphasis on her gender? If you allow her brothers to be rough/physical/potty-mouthed, it's not surprising if she copies their behaviour. You shouldn't hold her to different standards just because she's a girl.

I agree with holla. She is always going to copy her older brothers so it might be wise to have a word with them? Can they not use that kind of language? She's at the age she is going to test all the boundaries and perseverance is probably going to help.

Another one in agreement - determined little boys are no different to determined little girls. You can't raise her by different standards because she's a girl .

Anna just wanted to let you know that my lovely well adjusted kind and caring dd (15) has morphed from a headstrong little miss to a headstrong young lady after years of being a contrary tantruming nightmare. I've got no advice but to carry on with being consistent about the discipline, it may take her years to get the cause and effect concept but bottom line is if she behaves badly she is going to have to endure time out, loss of privilege etc.
We regularly have a good laugh about how awful dd could be when she was little, she's practically famous among our friends for being a bratty toddler, she really was hard work. This will probably bite me on the bum but she has got much easier to deal with over the years and although we were always close its just so much more enjoyable spending quality time together now. I never thought that we'd have the relationship that we do all those years ago when life was so difficult, hang in there being a mum is hard work and exhausting but keep going the years really do fly by

I am really at the fact that you think she should be different because she's a girl. She's turning out exactly the same as you describe your boys. You can't treat her diffierently to your boys!!

Didn't intend to over-emphasise her being a girl, although I see that my title reads a bit like 'The Naughtiest Girl in the School' for sheer discrimination. I could have referred to a neutral DC3 all the way through my post and it would have been equally true. We're certainly not holding her to a different standard (although it's our first experience of a child being excessively rude or having to be disciplined outside of home for unfriendly behaviour to other children - so we will be more firm in return). Don't think either that her brothers are allowed to blissfully continue passing on bad habits without reprimand - it only takes once or twice before she picks it up, and they accept the correction, but it's already too late.

Hoped to get some help and advice in general about determined/headstrong behaviour at around 2.5 - 3 years, as this is more than we've had to manage with DC 1 and 2. Don't feel like discussing this with family. Thanks for your reply, bootsy, always a big help to hear from someone who's gone further ahead and can call back some reassurance.

Hang in there Anna, it's a bloody long haul but things will get better. I used to absolutely dread the teenage years with dd, I used to fantasise about living on a kibbutz for 3 months of the year or working on an oil rig, I feared for my sanity sometimes I really did, I thought she might break me but she didn't . Be positive, be determined, be strong, be consistent you can do this. One day your determined little girl will be a confident, strong young lady. I know this all sounds really cheesy but it's true