6.11 yo choosing not to be dry at night - help please!

[spg1983]

Hi all,

DSS is very nearly 7 and has always struggled with night-time dryness. He's had maybe 10 dry nights ever. He lives with his mum and her fiancé for 4 nights per week and with us for 3 and we've all made sure that the set-up and bedtime routine is as identical as it can be in both houses.

DSS's mum took him to the doctors a couple of times about overnight dryness, firstly because she was worried about how old he was with no sign of becoming dry. Doctor told her to wait until he's 7. She also took him again a month ago because he was overflowing pull up pants every night and was again told no can do - wait until 7.

We have both tried absolutely everything to help DSS, more drink in the daytime, no drinks after evening meal, double voiding at night, all whilst not making any fuss in front of him or being negative at all about being dry at night. However he has made no improvement and we are all privately tearing our hair out!

The latest development is that DSS has told all of us that he wakes up when he needs a wee but doesn't want to get out of bed. I do hear him when he wakes up as i sleep really lightly. In both houses, the toilet is next to his room and there is a nightlight in his room and in the corridor so it's well-lit.

When we asked him, he said he didn't want to get out of bed at night because he "just wants to get back to sleeping" when his body wakes him up for a wee and didn't want to make himself get up and go to the loo. He has though, on occasion, gone to the bathroom to get a drink in the middle of the night! We asked why he didn't wee during the same trip but he said he "didn't want to be out of bed for too long and needed a drink".

We have tried reward charts and treats (for getting out of bed to wee even if it didn't result in a 100% dry night, i.e. he did 1 wee in the loo and 1 in his pants). We've made sure there are no negative repercussions throughout the process. We have asked what would help him to want to go to the loo and he said nothing. He just does not want to. However he does hate the fact he wakes up with wet pants in the morning and says he wants that to stop. We tell him that we always have to wake up in the night to wee, it's what everyone does but he just says he doesn't want to get out of bed.

To be honest, this latest revelation is driving us all mad - I think we'd rather he was wetting every night and it was unexplained. To know that he is actively choosing to stay wet is so frustrating. Some people have suggested taking away the pull ups - what do you think and has anyone had this before?

Thanks, good to know there is help out there!

DSS's mum wants to avoid medication at all costs and I do kind of agree with her because surely the medication is aimed at artificially producing the hormone which wakes them up when their bladder is full - I think DSS is producing that hormone but chooses to wee in bed anyway... Aaargh this is so annoying!

I would take the pull ups away

babies don't potty train while in nappies, you put them in pants and the wetness helps them learn

please don't think I'm saying your DSS is a baby but I can't think of another way to explain my logic

No offence taken - I totally understand what you're saying! Thanks for advice.

I've heard of an undersheet/sensor to go under bed sheet that emits an alarm if it becomes wet - supposed to be a deterrent to bedwetting. Normally used for those that sleep through the urge to wee, and also sleep through the beginnings of wetting the bed, so only come to when it's too late to avoid a wet through bed. Amazon has several, here's a link to one for £33.45

Really hope you don't find this suggestion cruel. An alarm and a vibration when the bed becomes wet, every time the bed becomes wet, should make it clear that it's better for your child to lose out on sleep time for those brief seconds/min it takes to have a quick wee, than it ever is to wee in the bed itself.