How do you discipline a defiant child?

[CheerfulSoul]

We're waiting for our 4 year old DS to be assessed for behavioural problems. We're strongly of the opinion that he has Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I've read a book about coping with defiant children and am very clear on the message that standard parenting techniques (eg. timeout) don't work for defiant children. However, I'm just not clear what does! Does anyone have any experience / advice to offer on coping with hitting / spitting / biting etc. which really are beyond the level of calm negotiation and compromise. Frankly, I can?t stand the physical abuse any longer.

I would go on a course to learn safe restraining techniques as a starting point.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this kind of behaviour it must be so wearing.

The Explosive Child may be a helpful read.
I find that sympathy rather than firm boundaries generally works best with DS, too.

DS2 has Aspergers and ADHD and the parenting techniques that worked on our other three just didn't work with him. We have had the most success with 1-2-3 Magic. I also went on a course called 'Managing behaviour in children with additional needs' which was very helpful.

With DS2 we know that shouting or losing our temper make things worse, it just confuses him and makes him distressed.

What does work is a very calm, consistent implementation of warning/consequence. Plus an understanding of his triggers (change in routine, overexcitement).

Yeah, any type of emotional response just makes DS2 react badly. I have to pretend to be a robot when dealing with him. He's like a sponge where emotional energy is concerned.