Ridiculously long and complex bedtime routine for 2.9 year old

[TheCountessOlenska]

This is entirely my own fault - to avoid meltdowns at bedtime we seem to have added in various time consuming stages to the bedtime routine. DD dropped her daytime nap a while ago and since then any upset after 5pm can produce full on tantrums, I have been tired and pregnant and basically have gone along with anything to keep the peace

The whole thing takes 2 hours - I don't know how normal this is but by the time she's asleep (around 8pm) I'm shattered. I went out the other night and DH had her bathed and in bed asleep in around 30 minutes (didn't brush her teeth though ) . DH works away in the week so it has to be me nearly every night.

I won't bore you with the details but at the moment it goes roughly: bath, a go with the shower attachment, dress up as a princess and run around for a bit, pull up chosen from selection of pull ups, pjs put on herself, jump on bed for a bit, 4 stories (same every night for last 2 months) must be flicked through by her first, then read by me, a soft toy selected, various toys selected for the bed, toothbrush chosen from selection, toothpaste from 2 different tubes added (by her), teeth half heatedly brushed by her, looong discussion as to whether I can do her back ones, more flicking through books, I have to get in the bed with her and finally she drops off and I sneak out.

How can I stop this!? Any ideas? Thank you!

This does sound excessive and very stressful! Is she very fussy over other routines during the day? Or is she more flexible about other things....routes taken, little things she does on the way to places etc.?

I guess because you've always done it her way, she knows what to expect...why dont you try to introduce some changes in a positive way....I would start with binning the dressing up for a start....bedtime is bedtime and should be calm and quiet..

Could you get her a new book about prncesses and say after her bath....I've got a new princess book here and it means we've got to get straight into bed after bathtime. Flash the book at her when she's in the bath.

Then lay it on her bed with the pull up chosen by YOU so when she gets out of the bath it's a done deal.... and let her get her own PJs on as usual.

have the soft toys already IN the bed....then do teeth.

It's a mare I know but you'll have to be brisk and definite. "No....no dressing up...new book is waiting...quick! Into bed now!"

You sound like I used to be. Ds was always asked questions, "do you want your story now?", "which jammies do you want?". It got pretty close to what you describe and still can if dh takes him to bed.

I just stopped asking. I say "storytime!" now. His pjs are laid out in the bathroom. It might cause a few tears initially but, it took time to get to the stage you're at so aim to drop something every few days and you'll streamline soon.

Either that or change it completely and tell her all day that instead of abc you'll be doing xyz tonight. For eg can you play dress up earlier in the day and pick out teddies, pjs before dinner. If she asks q's when you bypass these things just tell her that she's done it already and there isn't time to do it again unless she wants to miss out on a story.

Remove all but 2 choices of toothbrush, hide a toothpaste.

After her stories let her look at her books if she wants but tell her you need to go and do something elsewhere in the house (wee or put oven on?) and you'll be back in 5 mins. Go back. Then have something else which will be 10 mins etc.

Good luck x

Thanks for brilliant advice both of you - just typing it out has made me realise i need to sort it asap!

Bedtime routine for 2 DCs takes 15 minutes. Upstairs straight after supper, teeth (no choice of toothbrush or toothpaste), pyjamas (no choice) and two stories (if DH is reading them they may get a choice of story but if it's me then I say - I will read you X and Y now). If they muck about they don't get stories at all - basically they have that 15 minute window. Then DH and I go downstairs, have supper, they play for about half an hour then it's into bed and lights out at about 6.30. If they're having a bath then it's earlier in the day, before supper usually. It's a fun activity for them and it makes more sense to me to have it as its own activity rather than as part of bedtime (though they do get into PJs afterwards).

I think you do need to be a bit firmer with your DD - going to sleep at 8pm is pretty late for an under-3. I would cut it down radically to the essentials of teeth, pyjamas and a story - and by that time of the day no 2yo should be faced with that many choices, tbh - they can't cope.

Oh, mine are 3 and 2, by the way.

Zuleika I disagree that 8pm is too late - you may be blessed with children that sleep 13 hours but mine will only sleep 10 hour and if I put her to bed at 6.30 she'd be up by 5am raring to go! If you have one of these kids you take the hit at one end of the night or the other!

Anyway, not much help to OP. for what it's worth my DD still gets choices, but if she starts taking the Michael we just get firm and stop the fun. Sometimes we get a short tantrum but only if things have got a bit late and she's very tired and then you just whizz through everything and the shouting doesn't last long. Usually only

Ours wake up early whatever time they go to bed, so early bedtimes are the only way to go!

Hi,

My advice would be to tackle one element at a time. Perhaps start with the dressing up and say in the morning, "tonight you aren't going to get dressed up before bed because that's a daytime activity" make sure you hide all the dressing up things. Remind her a few times throughout the day so she has time to get used to it (not that this means she'll be happy about it!) and suggest she dresses up in the day if she wants to. When it comes to it, you just need to be firm. It is so difficult I know, but this is the only way to get her out of each thing gradually. If you give in it will set a pattern so make sure you start this regime on a day you feel up to it! After a week of not dressing up, add in something else - just two stories per night etc.
So much easier said than done, but definitely possible. Stand firm!!
x

Thanks so much all - I'm going to have a little sort out of her room tomorrow, move the dressing up things downstairs, and maybe move the regular 4 books to granny's house (they do seem to have become an obsession!) - Then hopefully go back to just 2 books!

I am from tonight going to move the tooth brushing time to before the bath rather than last thing (I only did it last because she used to have a milky drink in the bath but I have knocked that on the head now!)

She does tend to get into these quirky little routines, there are a fair few daytime ones too! I am not sure if this is a phase or her personality . I think she is just desperate to control everything all the time . .

Zuleika I agree 8pm is too late! It's certainly too late for me . . we go up at 6pm so if I could just shorten the routine it would a lot better.

My DD is a little older but is a master of delaying bedtime. I stopped making books a given, and when I say 'upstairs time' (which gets counted down from 10 minutes) then the challenge is 'how many books can you earn, 1, or 2?' A really good swift routine gets 2, procrastination over silly details gets 1 and so on and so forth. She really does rise to the challenge and it also allows me to reward with an extra story for super behaviour. She is currently in love with a massive Pippi Longstocking book so I do a few pages after the 'earned' books.

It works for us and she has only missed out on books once since we started, now she knows I really mean it we have a lot less nagging and bedtime can actually be fun .... sometimes :)

Zuleika,, bummer! late bedtime was the last thing we tried to stop the 5am and it worked for us! Now have 5.40-6.10

Countess it sounds like you have a good plan. I think the golden rule is whether you decide to do it bit by bit or just go for the routine you want, stick to your guns and don't give in as it will prob be very hard for a few days.