My 5 year old DS2 is unable to play alone. At all.

[PMTIsMe]

I am starting to struggle with this. He really doesn't play with any toys at all. He has no interests I can think of beyond telly or his Leapster (a hand held device with games.) I don't let him have much of either because that's all he asks for and they aren't a substitute for play IMO. He will play with his older brother but when DS1 is busy/out then DS2 just hangs around like a teenager on a corner saying he doesn't know what to do. And DS1 has discovered Lego lately and just doesn't want to play with his younger brother.

I have tried many things over the years...buying toys he seemed to express an interest in; sitting with him to 'show' him how to play; playing with him, tho even then he just sits and watches me play and doesn't participate. Is this a problem? Are there other things I could be doing ? Does it in fact really not matter ie its just the way he is? (But surely play is important developmentally?) I think I had an idea at the back of my mind that he would grow into playing, yet he isn't and I just don't know what he needs to keep him engaged.

Any thoughts or ideas much appreciated.

can he have his own lego?

platy is very important - gosh there are libraries full on the subject!

"monkey sees monkey does" they do learn by watching too!

can he read?

mine at that age still liked duplo, puzzles, hama beads, trains, sticking things together with blutack .....

can he help you with the cooking or housework?

in fact whenever my boys are lurking around bored/don't know what to do I tell them to get a cloth and start dusting the shelves - strangely enough they always remember something they could just be doing instead....

how is he in school?

there must be other things he's interested in - ask him to tell you a list of things he'd take with him for a long holiday - bingo, that's what he wants

give him a camera to take photos of anything, that will give you a clue also what he's interested in

He has lego but won't touch it. Well actually he picked up some bigger lego the other day (duplo?) and made a 5 cube tower ie the sort of thing a 1 year old does and then that was it He seems to have no imagination, he just can't see what to do with stuff. But then he never has played so he probably is hugely under developed in his play.

If you ask him what he would like to have to play with he never knows. Ever. He just wants to play with me or his brother eg hide and seek or chase. Or telly/Leapster.

Its really quite peculiar and I'm starting to worry its a problem to be honest. As you say amazingmum, play is important. At school he either plays with others (he enjoys dressing up bizarrely!) or is drawn to the computer ie something with a screen. He is starting to read, and is generally fairly bright. But just can't play

I don't mean to be horrible, but I don't know any kids who won't play with whatever is around them(if healthy).
I mean really anything from strings to sticks to just drawing all over the wall with a felt tip pen or puzzles or pouring water, or just banging on the radiator with a shoe and singing or really the simplest things - nothing? never?

It would worry me too and I'd seek some advice from a professional and have a proper check up.

He does enjoy being outside eg cycling, trampolining etc and can run around at the park for a bit quite happily. I think (hope!) he may turn into a reader since he likes to be engrossed (eg telly/leapster) and he will sometimes sit and look through a book.

Yes, he will use a stick/wooden spoon to bang radiators and in fact does love to make noise in one shape or form. And can play in the bath with water. So perhaps I'm too narrow in my view of play. I guess I am thinking toys.

I don't feel you have said anything horrible amazingmum, your comments are helping me think about it actually. Thanks

Interestingly I have been googling 'my child can't play' and one theory I have come across is that it can be to do with seperation anxiety, odd as it may sound. And DS has always been super clingy.

I may well look into getting some kind of advice, I really feel he is missing out developmentally and socially. Going to pre-school and now school hasn't helped him in the way I had hoped they would, so it seems a good time to look into it.

My DS1 is a bit like this. He is very very articulate and sociable. He's 5 and doing very well at school and reading above average etc. When he's at school he seems to be 'monitoring' other kid's playing, I can't explain what I mean but it's like he sees himself as an adult and he sort of 'looks after' other children and takes the role of an adult in his playing. He will mimic how adults behave but he does it naturally. I have tried to encourage him to relax and be silly, play with lego, play with other kids but he just doesn't seem to know how. He role plays a lot at school but he's always the role of the teacher or the role of the policeman etc.... maybe he's just obsessed with having authority! Not sure.

I have tried to get him playing at home with Moon Sand but basically it ends with him telling me what to make and me doing it while he sits and gives orders (politely... usually!). He just seems unalbe to be a child and is very adult engaged. I don't know why he is like this. He has endless toys but nothing holds his attention and certainly nothing without an adult playing with it for him iyswim? I just don't know how to get him to 'fit in' with the other kids more, he always seems to distance himself from children and gravitate towards adults. He has no imagination when it comes to actually constructing things, lego just ends with him asking Daddy to build a rocket or whatever but he seems to have no inclination to do it himself! He doesn't seem to have any vision of how to make toys fun or what to do with them. As a consequence he just hangs around with us and talks to his little brother, sort of bods around the house doing things like us, he's great company and a lovely boy but it's like he's a teenager in many ways, very calm and lovely really. I do sometimes worry that he'll be missing something developmentally.

to both of you - of course not all children are creative or have good spatial awareness to build wonderful creations of lego, jut as some are not musically talented or artistic or sporty etc.

and some are "old souls" so being a child perhaps feels "weird "to them - they don't want to muck about, they want to have a conversation!

and as you say OP some just don't want to be left alone (for whatever reason)

I think the tricky bit is that the more they are being told to play alone (which is of course the obvious reaction from the parent) the worse it could get - they could take it as rejection (like you try to get rid of them) and get very shaken in their self-confidence...

if it is separation anxiety I'd suggest to do something about it now - they need to learn to be independent eventually, a bit of expert help can possibly unearth the reason why they are anxious to be alone and get them going

Will he do puzzles or sticker books on his own?
my dgs is Yr1 and loves lego and playing with knights/castle or he does drawing and is making a scrap book-cutting out pictures of various things and writing about them,, not sophisticated but his own eg: "A lion is a predittor it eats other animals.A boy lion has a mane but not like a horse it raws a lot."
maybe your ds would enjoy that sort of activity on his own.

I, if he likes more active, outdoor play, could you try to bring that sort of thing indoors? E.g: pile the cushions from your sofa on the floor and jump around in them (I actually just write a post about doing this with my DD as she loves that kind of thing), or if he really is interested in the tv/leapster perhaps you could play some of the Cbeebies games with him or help him put photos and words on a blog for his family to read.
Hope this helps x

My DS is 12 and never played. Loves computers, can write programmes. It did worry me but there are no problems. Bit of a geek, loves to read. I think just slightly on the autistic spectrum.

Ds is a bit like this, although he can entertain himself for hours doing things like making up imaginary football tournament scores and putting things in alphabetical order. When he's in the playground he runs around with other kids like normal but he never plays with toys in the way othe children seem to.

We had a friend of his round to play recently and he spent most of his time playing a wonderful involved playmobil game with 3yo dd while ds put his football cards in alphabetical order in the other room.

He finds change quite hard to deal with and I have wondered if he is very slightly on the autistic spectrum, am glad to hear there are other dc like him!