Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Is a reward chart for eating a bad idea?

18 replies

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 17/01/2013 19:26

DD2 doesn't eat very much, she never has. If she doesn't want to eat something she will literally go without. She isn't scared of food and will lick it quite happily but says she doesn't like it.

At the moment she has packed lunches on the 2 days that I don't work and school dinners on the other 3 days. I have had a note home from her teacher today saying they are concerned about the amount she is eating, not having any main but eating pudding. She has told them it doesn't matter if she eats or not as I will be making her a sandwich when she gets home. They have offered to do her a sandwich in school but I don't really want her eating different from the other 2 as it just makes things awkward.

The school have asked what my thought on it are but I am stuck. I have tried encouraging, bribing, ignoring, shouting but nothing works. She just wants to eat crap!

I am on my own and finding it very hard. DH is very fussy himself and really doesn't help, in fact at times seems to be quite proud that she won't eat any vegetables at all and very little fruit.

I have had a look on the food refusers (I think that what it is called) thread but as she isn't phobic I don't think it is relevant.

Sorry it is long and thank you for reading.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

amazingmumof6 · 17/01/2013 19:34

I think doing a reward chart for eating is not a good idea as their appetite and likes/dislikes are not only personal, but will vary with age (growth spurts), health/illness, activity levels and so many other things that are outside of the child's control - it simply wouldn't be fair and it would not be successful.

plus it would increase the stress around mealtimes, which you'd want to avoid, not add to

Branleuse · 17/01/2013 19:36

bad idea sorry.

seeker · 17/01/2013 19:39

Is she well? Loads of energy? Meeting milestones? Hqppy and bouncy?

If so, she's getting enough food from somewhere. I would just back off completely.

Givingnher the occasional mug of milk will make you feel better!

ElleDee · 17/01/2013 19:47

Hi, I would tend to agree with seeker - if she seems healthy and happy, at least for now, back off. Why don't you (alone) speak to someone at your local surgery just to get some advice and see how normal this is, if only to put your mind at rest?
Have you thought about getting her more involved in the cooking/making lunches ?

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 17/01/2013 20:06

To be honest it isn't so much the quantity that bothers me as she has never eaten a lot. Even as a baby she very rarely finished a bottle and some times didn't even have half. I just want her to eat some!

I am just fed up of making a meal and her barely touch it (she refused to even sit at the table last week when I made cottage pie) but then ask for cake!

seeker I took her to the health visitor a while ago as I was worried and she is on the 25th centile for height and weight as she has been since birth. She is doing well at school but I wouldn't always describe her as happy and bouncy.

She has quite a lot of tantrum, though this is improving now I have started not putting up with them. She isn't great at sleeping and ends up in my bed most nights plus the not eating does seem to make her quite grumpy at times. I love her to bits but she can be hard work.

OP posts:

amazingmumof6 · 17/01/2013 20:22

do you give her the cake? of course she won't eat her food if a treat is an available option!

I would put my foot down and either gave her no cake/treats at all or only give her a small amount if she's eaten some of her food first!

no food, no cake!
she can go to bed hungry once in a while, it won't harm her (even though she is inclined to eat less already and is smaller than average)

she will get hungry eventually and will eat whatever amount is right for her!

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 17/01/2013 20:40

amazingmumof6 she is allowed a little bit of cake or a biscuit at bedtime if she has eaten some proper food during the day. She doesn't have it to replace meals but she does try.

She will just say she isn't hungry rather than eat something she doesn't want. Obv I am not cruel and do meals I know she will eat a few times a week but don't want to live on pasta and fishfingers for the next god knows how many years!

OP posts:

AndiMac · 17/01/2013 20:46

The way I tried to get around this with the regular occasional food refusing, was to say, "Well if you are too full to eat your dinner, I can't give you any dessert. If your stomach is full from dinner then it might give you a stomach ache to have dessert on top of that."

A little more difficult if she doesn't eat most meals. But the other thing I would make her do is sit at the table, even if she doesn't eat it. Not with the threat that it's time to eat, more with the idea that this is the family gathering time and now is when she will be with the family. She might eat something simply out of boredom if she's stuck there.

AndiMac · 17/01/2013 20:47

How old is she as well?

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 17/01/2013 21:03

AndiMac the table thing is a good idea. She is 4.5 but has been like this, some times better or worse, since she was little. She just doesn't seem that bothered about eating.

I have explained that she can't just have cake as too much can be unhealthy and she needs to eat other things as well. Normally I just ignore it now and don't let her have anything else but the note from school really bothered me.

OP posts:

amazingmumof6 · 17/01/2013 21:03

op - that sound ok, course you are not cruel!

maybe you should be - mwahahaha!

I'm then a bit cruel, I make mine eat their food whether they like it or not, or if they don't eat it they can have a piece of fruit. that's it

they eat more the next day,

I just can't please everyone all the time, sometimes they get their favourites, sometimes they have to suck it up, tough cookies

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 17/01/2013 21:10

Yes I offer fruit, she will eat banana and some times raisins, if she won't take that she goes without. There are times will will accept but quite often doesn't.

Todays dinner at school was roast gammon with roast potatoes both of which I know she will eat at home! Tomorrow is fish fingers so she should be happy with that.

OP posts:

amazingmumof6 · 17/01/2013 21:16

would she be happier with packed lunches all the time? does she eat them??

the other 2 can carry on with hot dinners/packed lunches as before , they don't all have to be the same!

gallivantsaregood · 17/01/2013 21:29

Can the school also adopt the no gois no cake way of working? Is that possible?

if nothing else, it would allow her to experience the partnership between school and you and know that you communicate and that where good is concerned, the rules are the rules.....

I do also agree however that the other option, particularly if she is growing, would be to back off for now, independently seek advice from gp/ health visitor and see what happens.

It may help you to know that for underweight chikdrrb who attend feeding clinics, they are often advised to use lits of cream, eat mars bars etc.......

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 17/01/2013 21:37

She would live on sandwiches if she had her way so does eat most of her packed lunch. I don't like giving her bread for lunch and dinner so if she had that at lunchtime I would do a cooked tea in the evening.

Build wise I think she is about right so not underweight, just doesn't seem to need much food. Her Dad is the same, he normally only has one meal a day and them eat crap!

OP posts:

amazingmumof6 · 18/01/2013 09:57

three I do the same - my boys get sandwiches in their packed lunches, then hot meal for supper - although I was feeling rubbish yesterday, so they had cereal for dinner as well.......just couldn't deal with cooking.

it's really the decision between keep trying and hoping, but getting frustrated or giving up and be easy for now, but worrying if she gets enough nutrition and if she'll get used to eating that way....really difficult

I'm sure you have been and will be going back and forth between the two, and that's ok, there's really not a third option - unless she starts eating well on her own.

good luck either way

Original poster

ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches · 18/01/2013 10:07

Amazing thank you. DD2 is the type of child who if they even get a whiff that they can get away with something they will try every time, plus she will remember if I change the rules even once and then never let me forget.

I had to take her into work once as I couldn't find my car key after picking her up and she went on and on about it the whole time she was at nursery saying she wanted to come with me as she has before!

I am going to make an appointment with the school PSA and ask her opinion. She is the middle DD and does not fit the stereotype at all!

OP posts:

seeker · 18/01/2013 10:13

I would let her have what she wanted within reason- no reason why she can't have two sandwich meals if that's what she fancies, so long as the fillings are planned properly. Just think of the evening's bread as cold, squashed pasta!

The one thing I do know is that attaching any emotional or moral value to food and eating is always a bad idea. Far better she has a pretty restricted diet for a while than it becomes an issue. Try to go round the edges, if you see what I mean. Pure fruit juice sometimes. Make smoothies together. A dish of carrot sticks and cucumber with something to dip them in as a snack while watching TV. Try making cookies with nuts and raisins in as an activity.
And remember, this too will pass.

Flip