Controlled Crying - best method - Help :O

[MrsLTH]

Hi there

Looking for some advice on controlled crying. My 20 mo DS has always been a good sleeper (with the exception of some early morning waking in the summer).

Following me bringing him into bed with me last weekend in the morning(mistake I know) due to be being worried he was cold he now refuses to go back to sleep when he wakes in the night and cries hysterically to get up and for milk andf to watch the gruffalo :/!! I am sure he isnt ill as when we do get him up and in the morning he is right as rain!

I have been leaving him to cry with mixed success. As it has now been going on for three nights I want to try controlled crying proper but am confused about the differing approaches:

Jo Frost - first time he cries, go in, hand on tummy and say 'shush' and leave. Wait 5 mins and if still crying repeat routine, if still crying extend to 10 mins then if needed 20. Dont pick him up

Dr Christopher Green (Toddler Taming) - Decide on a length of crying time (10 5 or 2 mins depending on how tough you are) once crying starts leave for this length of time. Dont let them get hysterical or afraid (if they are then reduce time to as little as 30 secs). After time has passed lift cuddle and comfort (just pat if you can get way with it). when loud crying turns to sobs, return to cot and leave room. if cries again leave for 2 mins longer than last time and repeat, untl asleep. If wakes again later start form beginning. Do the same the next night (from start)

Gina - allow min of 5-10 mins of crying before going in, reassure to a minimum, dont pick up, leave afte max 2 mins even if still crying. Repeat for half an hour, after which increase visits by 5-10 min gaps then 15-20 mins. If wakes again later start again . For following nights start with the longer gap you finished on the night before

So confusing, which is best, any advice greatly apprecaited!

Blasphemy though it is on mn, I think the GF method Is best - at least it was for ds.

Let him cry for maybe 5 mins or longer if I couldn't drag my arse out of bed before going in. Shush for a little bit, 30 secs maybe, then leave whether crying or not. Go back after 2, 5, 8, 10, 12, 15 mins ad infinitum.

We had improvment within a few days (stopped screaming for hours. Mostly whimpered for 10 mins - so 2 returns and asleep before the 3rd) though were mostly using it for putting to bed. It took a couple of weeks for him to not 'cry' to sleep and he started babbling to sleep.

If he woke in the night, he often settled himself after initially waking up screaming, quickly winding down to a whimper then quiet, before either myself or dh could get up to check.

Now, if someone can tell me what to do with dd (19m), who is waking 3x a night while sharing with ds, I'd be eternally grateful. We obv can't do CC in case she wakes ds. She's in with one of us before midnight some nights. Dh and I haven't had a full night together since before xmas :-(

Hi, I've done a bit of controlled crying though ultimately had more success with gradual withdrawal and now have 2 year old who sleeps 12 hours at night normally, and can be easily settled if wakes (lets hope it stays that way!).
I think with controlled crying you end up finding your own best method. We found that going in an out so regularly didn't work as he would just get more upset, so we would leave him for half an hour and then go in and sit for 10 mins and then come out again. Getting him out of his cot also made things worse.
Out of the ones you've mentioned I'd personally give Ginas a try, and then modify to your own needs. Consistency is more important than what you actually do I think.
Good luck, hope you get it sorted. It's amazing how easily their sleeping can get disrupted isn't it.

acrabadabra maybe google gradual withdrawal if you are not already aware of it.

I bought the book 'teach your child to sleep' this not only talks through controlled crying but gives you lots if other methods to suit your family. we also did gradual withdrawal and after talking to other mums still think this was the best method for us.

What I would say is that I'd bear in mind that your son has no idea whether you have been out four and a half minutes or five. Personally I'm not a great fan of CC in a very regimented way. Most books seem obsessed with the idea that you must be very precise in your intervals, but I think I would have difficulty telling how long someone had been absent from a room, let alone my toddler managing.

If you are keen to go this route, I'd do a Gina, but with the idea that, if he is too hysterical, you just go in more quickly. I wouldn't leave them as long as 20 minutes either I don't think.

Thanks all, i'll see how I get on later! Just had a little lunchtime nap in preparation

Quick question. I have googled gradual withdrawal and want to make sure I am doing it right!
He usually goes to sleep in the first place on his own ok. When he wakes up crying I assume I wait for it to be a proper cry then go in and say something neutral and consistant about going back to bed then sit by the bed (until he goes to sleep or move the chair further away until he goes to sleep) I'm confused!

Thanks!

Gradual withdrawal is basically just comforting them until they are calm, but reducing what you do each time IYSWIM. What you do depends on your child.

So if they need to be hugged to sleep, you start off hugging. Then you maybe try sitting by the bed with a hand on them (hugging again if they get upset). Then maybe sitting next to them, etc, until you are just outside the door, before finally leaving.

If he is ok and will go back to sleep as long as you are in the room, start with that, then inch out the door bit by bit

Thanks. So in his case he will go to sleep if you are sat by the bed. If I do that, leave and he starts crying again (either straight away or later that night) do I place the chair further away to start with that time?

you do what works for a couple of days and wait until they are fast asleep. after a few days you sit further away and wait until they are fast asleep then after a few days move even further away. the first day can be hard but I reassure with a word or go and resettle them and then go back to where I was sat if they are too upset. it does work just slowly. the other benefit is if they are unwell I can sit with them and then repeat the stages a little quicker without the upset if having to do CC again.

in the middle of the night I would generally sit with them until they went to sleep regardless of what I was doing to get them to sleep.

You sit next to him and you stay there until he is asleep. Then after a day or two you move the chair back a bit. Depends on the child, could just be 30cm back. It's not a philosophy that really believes in 'if they can do it once never go back to doing more than that'. It's more about fading out the help in such a gradual way that they don't notice.