Driven crazy by 6 year old - need to step back a bit

[fruitstick]

Teenage years are not boding well.

DS1 is nearly 7. He's a wilful sort and everything is a battle. Every thing I ask him to do is met by sulking and huffing and puffing, then he'll take forever and still not do or properly.

I then get more and more frustrated and he gets more and more resentful & belligerent.

At school his teacher says he's very bright but clearly can't be bothered.

It's ruining our relationship. We're both quite similar I think - that's the problem.

At the moment I can't bear to be around him and that makes me sad. I know I'm the grown up and I need to address it as it's my problem to solve.

I just need to take a step back and start over. Just not sure how

Please try not to worry. My two boys were both experimeting with rudeness and belligerence at this age, and I tOo feared for the teenage years. Whilst we are not quite there yet, ( Ds 1 is 12) i do think this was phase rather than a portent..

I think it's a bit like when they are 3. They are more articulate, but do not have the emotional control we think they have because they can talk. And like 3 year olds, they want to assert and express themselves more and test us in the process.

I think the main advice is

Dont panic
Remember he is 7, not a teenager
Remain calm, remain the adult. Resist the temptation to argue the toss and win the argument
Discipline outride naughty behaviour but be mindful of tiredness, hunger and problems at school. Bullying and teasing can start at this age and they don't always tell you outright.
I used to send mine to their rooms if we were getting heated, but always go and talk to them about whatever was bugging them.

If you worry you won't feel calm, so try and push down the fear that he's like you, or he will always be like this

Tell him whener he says or does something nice. Praise him for calming down. Model saying sorry.

The book Playful Parenting may give you food for thought about how to approach things differently.

Tell him what you want him to do, not what you don't want him to do

Adopt the tone of a bored policeman, not a harpy ( must remeber this myself)

If you have a partner, get him to take over if you are butting heads and think you are similar. Your partner lives with you, so may have some good ways of handling him!

He is not you. He may well be very different. Even if he is, remember you are great. Don't punish him for what you perceive as your failings.

That's made me feel a little better, thank you.

Bored policeman - got it!

DS2 is 3 and currently favours calling me stink head and punching me in the stomach so I'm getting it from all angles at the moment.

This will pass, this will pass

DC1 is only 13, but so far I reckon 6yo is the hardest age of all.

Oh it will.

Mine are 9 and 12 and pretty human.

Can't wait for the next bit

I too have a belligerent, defiant 7 year old.

Everything is an opportunity for defiant drama from cleaning his teeth, homework, washing his hands for supper and even plugging his seat belt in!

I too think we just do not get on at all. Total personality clash.

Have you tried to stop being bad cop? I mean, I've told my ds1 that I'm not in charge of his homework anymore - I emailed the teachers to tell them this - and that he will be getting into trouble at school instead of at home. The stress of getting him to do what the school requires is just not in my family's interest.

Also, ignore a lot of what he says. Sometimes ds1 will stand there and say no but if I ignore him and just get on with other things, I'll find he's actually doing what I originally asked him to do.

Also, some of it can be genuine absent mindedness. YOu could try a little sheet with tasks on and a box beside each for him to check once he's done them and then BIG praise + prize when his little list is complete.

It's very hard and very very stressful and it's amazing how you get drawn into the little stuff. Sometimes it's just best to take a step back and not get so involved all the time. Easier said than done. It can be hellish.

Oh, I needed to hear that 6 is the hardest age of all... DS 2 is about to be 6 and is really difficult. He doesn't listen to anything any adult says to him, but when you lose patience with asking nicely and getting nowhere, and tell him off, he screams in your face, puts his hands over his ears and refuses to listen. DS 1 never had this phase. I really hope DS 2 grows out of it because just like the OP I find myself looking for ways to avoid being around him. He makes me feel like a raging and petulant teenager 99% of the time despite nightly resolutions to be a better parent...