Is 17 months too young for massive tantrums / naughty step??

[AnnieDelores]

My 17 month old son who's incredibly active, curious, and hot-headed (like his father) has started having massive tantrums at the flick of a switch. He throws himself backwards, smacks his head against the wall or objects and throws things at me if I try to distract him.

They are mostly triggered by boredom (which can happen without warning) or frustration at not being able to have something (scissors or mug of tea) or do something (slam washing machine door). He's absolutely fine if I spend the day playing with him one to one, but if I stop to make his lunch or leave the room, even then he can be disruptive.

He has ALWAYS had a short fuse. Even when he was hours old the midwife said "Oh.... you're very cross aren't you!"

How can I diffuse these without rewarding the negative behaviour? How can I stop him from hurting himself as he lashes out at me if I try to hold him? What about when this happens in public?

Some mums have advised to pop him in his travel cot with some cushions until he calms down and walk away.....but surely this would make him think a travel cot is a punishment rather than somewhere cosy to sleep?

Ideas welcome as I'm struggling and want to nip this in the bud with a consistent pattern that he will recognise.

Avoid triggers when you can. Distract as much as possible if you see a tantrum on the horizon. If it's too late and a full blown tantrum kicks in, I would recommend just walking away and leaving him too it. Stay close so you can make sure he is safe though. If he hits you, bend down, look him in the eye and very firmly say "NO, don't hit mummy, it hurts" and then walk away and leave him to his tantrum again. Do NOT try the naughty step. He is far to young. You will end up locked in a completely pointless battle. His brain is not yet developed enough to understand naughty step kind of consequences. If he kicks off when you are out an about, either ignore while staying close, or if he is danger, strap him in the buggy and ignore.

It genuinely is a phase. As his language gets better, his tantrums will probably improve no end.

Good advice. I think I'll assemble a pile of cushions in the room and place him there and stay close by but leave him to it. The distractions rarely work but I will continue to try!

Agree with neolara.

Tantrums at this age tend to be the result of frustration combined with an inability to express it. He isn't really being naughty, just getting cross.

My DS sounds much the same as yours - he will actually scream till he vomits if I don't respond quick enough.

He is now 2.5 and his tantrums have taken a step up but are still mainly caused by frustration rather than genuinely being naughty. Sometimes he might try and poke the TV to annoy me but mainly he gets cross because I try to take him shopping when he is tired/don't understand what he wants/he can't express something etc. Obviously I can't avoid these things all the time, but I don't think it is him being bad in any way.

I'd go for distraction above a naughty step. I mainly use distraction. If all else fails and my DS is still hitting the TV set in a way that means it could fall on him, we move away from the situation, sit down and I explain we are having a time out because what he is doing is dangerous. I ask him if he understands and he normally nods and says sorry at the end. However, even this would have been pointless at 17mo because he wouldn't really have understood the concept at all.

Sorry, not much help - try and avoid the flashpoints and distract, distract, distract.....

how horrible that the midwife said "you're very cross" to a newborn baby.