Help. My 6 year old has turned into a teenager.

[Blackpuddingbertha]

She's just being horrible! Shouting, tantrums, foot stamping, rolling eyes, questioning every request to do something. To start today we had tears and shouting because she couldn't decide what to wear for school (no uniform) and no amount of helpful reasoning or suggestions from us got anywhere. Tonight she just answered all my requests to be slightly helpful (like getting drinks ready for tea) with either a straight 'no' or 'why do I have to' and a few foot stamps for good measure. She's also being particularly unpleasant to DD 2 who is 5.

I'm not dealing with it very well as have limited patience due to a hundred other reasons. I have tried again at bedtime to talk to her about it but she's not a 'talker' so I never really get anywhere.

So, oh wise Mumsnetters, is this normal at this age or should I be looking for something else going on? And any suggestions for dealing with the behaviour would be very much appreciated.

You have my sympathy, currently going through this with dd1 (7). Just as you have described as well as door slamming, calling everyone "stupid" or "juvenile" and is being downright nasty to dd2 (2). No advice but will be interested to hear from those wiser than me!!

Oh yes, door slamming. She tried that last week but I have things over the tops of the doors to stop them closing (really stiff door knobs which the DDs can't reliably open so preventing them closing avoids children, and an occasional adult, being stuck in rooms). This meant that the door sort of bounced back once slammed and gave a dull thud. Not very satisfactory on the slamming stakes for her but made me giggle.

I came on here to post on the very same subject after DD decided to scream at me for over an hour tonight because I told her off for being rude to me. She's also 6 going on 16, and as I'm a lone parent it can be so intense and draining as it's all aimed at me. If anyone has any good ideas, or says it's normal and will pass, I'll be very grateful!

Marking my place. Feel a bit stressed with DS(6) being absolutely horrible for the last few days and I am glad to have found this thread. I have taken away the wii, the ds and I am running out of punishments other than stopping his sporting clubs which I really don't want to do.

I am getting lots of 'whatever' replies and one lovely 'i hate you' and just cheek beyond cheek. I am finding ignoring him but staying firm on punishments being my only coping mechanism, but I am hoping it is a phase (please god)......

I'm with you all; ds1 (6) has turned into a foot stamping, shouting monster, coupled with lots of 'its not fair' and 'you don't love me'. Here's to hoping its a v short phase!

At least I'm not on my own then! Reassuring.

My favourite line from DD to date was midst screaming tantrum caused by me asking her to get ready for bed without my assistance (obviously at 6 years old I am under the impression that she can get a nightie on without my help); she wailed down the stairs, 'But you're supposed to look after me!'

Today we have managed to not have any screaming or too much attitude. Today was a good day...bring on tomorrow.

blackpudding You sound hard on yourself. Don't be!

What punishments does she receive for the behaviour? Do you go for the natural justice idea or more in the style of 369.

Hi everyone, I am new here but have followed mumsnet talk on a regular basis when I see things that relate to me and my family.

'Black pudding' I just had to join and post on your thread as I am going through exactly the same thing with my dd. However, she is 7, her favourite line is "this is the worst day of my life". Completely over dramatic and the first time she behaved like this (prob not long after she started junior school) I was completely dumbfounded.

My dd did not even go through terrible twos she has never been a child to throw tantrums. She has always been easy to discipline and respectful and helpful. Luckily she only displays this behaviour at home so does not act up for anyone else.

One thing I am considering for my daughter is wether she is going through early puberty she has had BO for over a year now and this behaviour can be compared to "teenage outbursts". None of my friends little girls are experiencing this which is why I am so relieved to see here (not that I would wish this on anyone) that my daughter is not the only one.

Things I have tried so far is talking to her about her feelings you said your daughter is not is talker (my younger child ds is not either) you could try drawing, both of you have a pencil and one sheet of paper and you could draw things to do with feelings or places she goes etc, eventually she joins in the drawings and it can kick start a discussion. If you think it could be worries you could do a worry bag where she takes paper and writes worries and puts in bag and at the end of the day you discuss together.

Also I try and spend as much one on one time with her as possible as I do my ds too. We only have 2 children so I can take dd out for the day whilst dh takes ds out and vice versa.

Sorry I have no answers ( just examples of things i have tried) as I am in the same boat as you. I thought it was going to be a quick phase but it is not. I will be interested to see how many more people are experiencing this.

Sorry that was rather long (wish I could do one of those embarrassed faces but don't know how).

unimama - you have some good ideas there. I love the idea of a worry bag, I will defintely try that one. I have a few friends with similar aged dd's & they are also having the attitude & cheek problems but not perhaps the temper problems of my dd. I think the one to one thing is really good idea too, not so easy for us to implement with a toddler & a dh who is rarely at home but I will perhaps try to make better use of the time he is here to do that. My dd has had a really difficult year with various health problems so I think that has increased the problem. We have started a happiness jar where we put little notes in when something nice or good has happened as last year was very diffcult on many fronts & it's so easy to forget the good things when there is a lot of crap going on.

Some good ideas thank you. May try the worry bag and the happiness jar with both DDs actually. She is better when on her own but we don't get many opportunities to do one on one with them. Will try to do more I think.

'This is my worst day ever' is a popular phrase here too! Have they all got together secretly and agreed on what lines sound the most dramatic?

As to what we do in response to the behaviour, she normally gets a warning then starts to loose good stuff. We generally start with losing the bedtime story which she normally responds to. If she does loose the story then I normally go in for a chat about her behaviour and the effects it has. Also means we can have a cuddle before she goes to sleep and try and end the day on a positive.

have limited patience due to a hundred other reasons

Not prying but is there any chance she is feeling neglected, at times they all like to feel they are little-orphan-Annie, poor little waif. It doesn't mean they are, of course. Think your idea of more one-on-one time is a good one.

The other factor I found made a display of negative behaviour more likely was
tiredness - another growth spurt sometimes takes it out of them.

Back to school after a break sometimes signalled more attitude and acting up at home. Usually they reserve good behaviour for school and teachers, save all their crappy temper for home.

What a lovely idea, the worry bag and happiness jar, (makes mental note for future grandchildren).

DDs not neglected but I definitely don't have much patience at the moment. I'd like to be one of the seemingly serene mothers who let it all wash over them. I think I get tense too quickly and DD's behaviour / reaction may feed off this a bit.

We have made happiness jars today. Dug out the glass decorating pens and I have decorated a big jar for all the family and the girls have also done a smaller one each. We're going to fill them with dried beans.

My dd - 6yrs is exactly the same, stroppy, "it's not fair," or "boring and stupid." Watching this with interest, love the idea of worry bag and happy jar- I was worried that she was being bullied at school as the only thing that works is threatening to talk to her teacher. I usually send her to her room to calm down and we have a big scale in her door, where I write what had happened on a post it note and she puts it on the number of how cross she is. When she can move it to 0 she can come down- it also has different ways she can show her crossness - (sigh, lay on her bed to kick her legs etc)

SNAP!!! My daughter is 6 1/2 and seems to have reverted back to toddler tantrums (that she never had!). I'm so glad to see that others are also suffering and that my daughter isn't a child deliquent! As a secondary school teacher, I think teenagers are actually easier than a stroppy 6 year old....
Generally the only way I get round the strops are to say that I'm ignoring her and going on strike until she speaks to me properly, or, I change the subject and distract her.
Apparently I was 'an awful child' at this age, but then was an easy teenager , so here's hoping it will all work out ok in the end....interestingly, her school report said that she is kind, helpful and well balanced. I questioned whether they were really thinking about my daughter (!). Apparently it is quite normal that they are lovely at school, then turn into horrors when they get home!

Sometimes point blank agreeing rather than trying to jolly mine out of it seemed to suffice, (grumpiness I mean, not if it was pure cheek or defiance or taking it out roughly on a sibling).

DC "It's boring and rubbish and I hate doing X"
Me "My day was WORSE I had to do X and Y they're so boring!"
followed by exaggerated claims.

Certainly helped getting a snack down their necks straight after school, often just worn out and needing a boost.

I tell y'all, 6yo is the worst age. I have a horrible teenager and he was still worse at 6yo.