I feel so guilty after bruising my 6 year old dd

[Pernod]

My 6 year old dd has been going through a very naughty phase at the moment & is constantly trying to push the boundaries. In particular she is very cheeky and answers me back in front of my friends, I'm sure this is a way of attention seeking but surely she has to learn to behave with better manners.
This afternoon she was repeatedly rude to me in front of friends and I lost the plot with her which I know didn't help one bit. I pulled her by the arm very firmly and yanked her up the stairs to tell her off as she'd driven me so mad. Later on she came downstairs clutching her arm and to my horror showed me a huge bruise round her upper arm that I'd caused. I feel absolutely sick with guilt now but just don't know how to improve her behaviour.
Any ideas would be gratefully receieved, I'm half expecting social services to turn up!

They do push and push, I bet youve just had two weeks of it as well (1/2 term bordem )
Dont feel so bad, you didnt mean it, it isnt worth beating yourself up over, you didnt mean it
When you get yourself calmed down about it apolgies to her but explain why it came about.
They do start getting cheeky and its so difficult to keep your cool sometimes. If she does it again Maybe stop her behaviour a bit sooner before you get too uptight. If she'd gone upstairs 5 minutes earlier you might not have been as rough. What Im trying to say is maybe nip it in the bud a bit sooner. Hope ive been helpful . Dont feel too bad.

stoppinattwo's advice is really good.

I could be wrong but from your post it sounds like you are getting drawn in by her cheekiness etc - she can only 'answer you back' if you are talking to her! And ditto being repeatedly rude - as stoppinattwo said, nip it in the bud so that you are not talking to her. Give her a clear choice - if she replies to you with a rude remark, turn away, and tell her that you only talk to people who speak nicely to you. And ignore her until she does speak nicely. She may push a bit more and get a bit silly, and if she ends up doing something really naughty then I'd impose whatever sanction you use - time out or loss of a treat or whatever.

You are her parent, you have the choice of whether you speak to her if she's rude! Take the initiative and cut her off until she can deal appropriately with you.

Obviously this approach only works if it's fair, if you always talk to her with courtesy and politeness!

I've been reading 1-2-3 magic to help me deal with mine (6,5 and 1) and their answering back - think it seems quite good but yet to put it into practise. The idea is to have no discussion / emontional interaction when dealing with sort of behaviour - Just 1 - 2 -3 counting and then into time out. The idea is to stop the kids behaviour before you start yelling and loose it. My oldest tries to negotiate and argue about everything which really bugs me so the idea of no dicussion about certain behaviour kind of appeals to me!

I do the 123 thing and always have done, it has some success with DS1 because of his SN but with DS2 uit's fab and wouldr ecommend it.

Don't feel too bad- it's easy to be pushed and driven half insane. Just learn from it.

When DS1 was at his worst I kept a teddy bear in the kitchen which got a bit of a kicking when I was frustrated. It did help, mainly by drawing me away from the situation I suspect- I rarely actually used the thing, often it's just getting away that helps.

6 year olds are a pain in the arse when they want to be, aren't they?

Thankyou every-one for your replies, there are certainly some very good tips there that I will defintely put into place.
Yes, 6 year olds certainly are a pain in the arse when they want to be PeachyClair.
Am still feeling guilty though, I'm having visions of her going to school tomorrow and showing off her bruise to her teacher

i have read your message and i was in the same boat but i smacked my kid and the same happended kids just no how to wind us up to the boiling point yes we r the adults here but we r also human we r not robots and kids dont coem with a book on how to do things with them but i am trying to curb myself when they wind me up but the fighting with each other does my head in but just explain to her why you did it and that it does work both ways you behave i will behave you treat me the way you want u be treated with respect

i have read your message and i was in the same boat but i smacked my kid and the same happended kids just no how to wind us up to the boiling point yes we r the adults here but we r also human we r not robots and kids dont coem with a book on how to do things with them but i am trying to curb myself when they wind me up but the fighting with each other does my head in but just explain to her why you did it and that it does work both ways you behave i will behave you treat me the way you want u be treated with respect