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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does 2.5 year old get 'time out'?,

27 replies

madmarchhare · 20/04/2006 14:48

or am I wasting my time?

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Original poster

madmarchhare · 20/04/2006 16:06

I cant believe no one has an opinion on this .

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 20/04/2006 16:10

I don't do "time-out" as such (it makes me wince) but I certainly think 2.5 is old enough for whatever form of discipline you plan to use. My 18mo knows when he is being naughty and understands "no" "come away" "put that down" etc, and knows that the reason his dinner got taken away is because he quite deliberately threw mashed potato at his brother.....

blueshoes · 20/04/2006 16:12

I do believe supernanny would use it on a 2.5 year old. Did not want to post because I think it is way too harsh for my dd (same age). She would get hysterical if left on her own/shut up in her room even for the recommended 2.5 minutes. With her, time out would be like using a sledgehammer to crack an egg.

Aero · 20/04/2006 16:15

Yes, although it's taking him a while to get the message that sitting on the stairs for two minutes is where he's meant to stay. Returned him about twenty times in two minutes yesterday and ended up standing over him the whole time which sort of defies the point of ignoring him, but he did stay the two minutes and eventually offered a hug of apology.

Aero · 20/04/2006 16:16

Wouldn't hold him in his room though etc. The stairs is not out of sight of me.

Nemo1977 · 20/04/2006 16:22

I use a form of time out on my 2.6yr old ds and have done for around 6mths. He sits on the stairs or beanbag for 2 minutes after he has been warned once about whatever he is doing. He does get it and does not react in a hysterical way etc. I would never use his room for timeout as its not fair as thats supposed ot be a safe haven of sorts and also dont want him to associate being in his room/bedtime with being punished.

Original poster

madmarchhare · 20/04/2006 16:25

I know what youi mean GS, but 'no' just aint cutting it anymore.

Ive tried taking him away from the scene of the crime to think about it, but he just says sorry immediately, like he knows what is required but without understanding he shouldnt do it again.

With the step or specific area, he just walks off, which is why I wondered if he was too young. Its a bit like with you Aero.

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Original poster

madmarchhare · 20/04/2006 16:26

I dont like the idea of going to his bedroom either. He would probably just play anyway.

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Bozza · 20/04/2006 16:26

Yes I used it on my DS at that age and already use it on my DD who is not even two yet. Send to sit on stairs.

Nemo1977 · 20/04/2006 16:30

my ds does not move from step or beanbag as he knows he is being punished. I do think your Ds is aware of being punished but at that age where they test the boundaries by moving away from the step. If ds moves I just put him back.

Original poster

madmarchhare · 20/04/2006 16:33

Also, do you have a consequence to the bad behaviour yet?, ie. no favourite toy or whatever, or would that come if behaviour was repeated?

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robin3 · 20/04/2006 16:39

Again harping back to the Toddler Taming book, time out is meant to allow child and parent time to calm down...it's not meant to be a punishment. Haven't seen a great deal of Supernanny but she is often dealing with parents who have lost control as well as children, so this is a useful technique as the parents get so angry they reward the bad behaviour with attention.

I don't think it would be as effective as calmly expressing your unhappiness at the behaviour being shown then removing your attention from the toddler for a few minutes. If your child then cries and keeps stropping it will soon stop if you ignore it and stay calm.

Find that Taming book really good.

Original poster

madmarchhare · 20/04/2006 16:46

I do stay calm though, this is my issue really, just explaining 'no' etc doesnt seem to be working. I feel as though something needs to go with it iyswim.

Do you think because he is still fairly young, its just a case of sticking with it then?

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Nemo1977 · 20/04/2006 16:49

madmarchhare I would stick with it and just keep putting him back on the step until the 2 mins is up. I am like you and I dont really shout but will say no because of x+z but ds just ignored that. So I use time out to let him know there is a consequence. IF there is a certain behaviour that he constantly repeats or will come out of time out and purposely do again then I will remove one of his toys for half an hour. I dont do it at the same time as him being timed out as that isnt fair to me.

serenity · 20/04/2006 16:50

DD is almost 2.5, and does occasionally get sent to sit on her bed if she's a real pita (I'm in a flat, so it's only the next room) She doesn't stay there for 2.5 minutes though, she goes in for about 30s and then comes out and says sorry which imo is fine. It works more as a distraction than a punishment tbh.

grumpyfrumpy · 20/04/2006 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

robin3 · 20/04/2006 16:55

What happens if you tell him off firmly...my DS immediately bursts in to tears and throws himself to the floor...I then walk away and leave him to get on with said tantrum. He then calms and comes looking for a cuddle. All is then forgotten and we move on.

If being told off and ignored isn't having any result then I'm not sure what to suggest - I'm a learner Mother. If it's not dangerous or hurting me or him then I try to distract him and keep him busy with stuff I do want him to do. Usually DS is being destructive with toys which seems to be a sign of boredom so we tidy up and do something else.

Not sure this helps...sorry

Aero · 20/04/2006 16:58

Thing is MMH - I know he understands me, but is very defiant when it comes to getting his way! So I'm trying very hard to get the point accross that he isn't in charge, despite what he might think, and even if I do have to stand over him now, I feel the message will filter through in the end and hopefully he will understand that time out is a consequence, but also a 'thinking time' for him, to point out unacceptable behaviour.

Original poster

madmarchhare · 20/04/2006 17:37

robin, he isnt a crier, he is more likely to just look away (or laugh). He rarely throws himself on the floor full on tantrum stylee. I could deal with that. He seems to be much more manipulitive.

Aero, he is very much like you say. Very determined, and will have go over and over and over. Very tiring.

It completely baffles me, he never stops all day really. I dont mean being 'naughty', I mean he's just in fifth gear all the time. I wish I had as much energy.

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FairyMum · 20/04/2006 17:46

Have tried, but doesn't work on my children as they just get more angry and it makes the situation worse. Different children respond to different things.

Original poster

madmarchhare · 20/04/2006 19:29

What do you do FM?

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all4girlz · 20/04/2006 19:42

we tried the time out on the stairs with my dd3 from 2.5 and her sister dd2 now 5 but the other one always went on the stair too even if they had been fighting with each other
had a spare car chair in the hall and popped the dd3 in for two mins and that seemed to work ie she was sorry she said sorry and knew thats where she would end upon a time out if she was naughty again
my dd3 is very defiant she totally blanks you sometimes and ignores you if it is something she doesnt want to do --tking her away from her toys
her sisters --the tv evenfor a short time and strapping her in a safe environment seems to work for us

Bozza · 20/04/2006 20:07

Actually I would say 2.5 ws prime age for time out. They can easily flare up and a bit of space can work quite well. DS (5) goes on the step now much less than he used to do.

kbaby · 23/04/2006 13:45

I use it with my 23 month DD. I tell her why shes going on the step then leave her for 1 min while secretly keeping an eye on her. Then she comes off I tell her why she was on there and that she has to say sorry.
She now knows what the step is for and sometimes a warning of the step and she will calm down.
She generally still does what ever it was a few days later though. Its not really stopped any bad behaviour it just calms the situation that day.

happypiglet · 23/04/2006 21:29

Its a hard one. My ds1 is 27m and I do use the stairs and have since about 20m. He has learnt to sit there but I had to pesevere and use my 'scary' voice a lot to start with.

I use it for violence and things that really cannot be ignored rather than day to day annoying stuff.

I use distraction when I have the energy or consequences when I haven't. Taking stuff and priviledges away really works as long as you always follow through. Even when you have said you will take something away and immediately regretted it (like once I said he wouldn't have a bed time story if he did x again and of course he did and then bed time was a nightmare- woops)....

Plus I try to encourage good behaviour with attention (admittedly this is hard work) and we reward specific things with stickers on a chart with cheap prizes after say 7 stickers. That really really works..

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