Clever pre teens - what do you do with them?

[amck5700]

OH and I are reasonably bright, both from poor backgrounds never particularly encouraged and neither of us knew what was possible for us to do so could have worked harder at school. I had a clutch of exam passes, couldn't afford to go to uni and went to work and moved up the ranks and have an "ok" job - doesn't fire me up but earns enough for us to have a nice house etc etc. OH left school with barely anything, did manual jobs, then went back to college and also did an OU degree and worked in a white collar job for a while but hated it and has now come full circle and does a skilled/manual job that doesn't earn much.

We have 2 boys both bright, eldest age 12 just did a home IQ test thing and got 160 - I suspect 11 year old is a bit brighter.

I don't want them to drift the way we did - it would be great if they were motivated to do well in high school. The attend/will attend an academic High School. but both OH and I say that hard work and getting on with people is equally if not more important.

What should be doing with them? Looking at what types of jobs/careers they could do that would be interesting to them and steering them towards that now? or just leave them be?

I want them to be happy more than anything but they will need to earn a living and I'd rather they did that doing something they love and that they are good at and had a good income to have a nice life without having to worry about money.

Eldest loves art and machines/building things and computing and books.

Younger likes Language/books and computer games and not a lot else!

Hi I would say let them steer themselves to future job/career choices. Study and homework wise, do they focus on what comes easily or can they slog at subjects that pose a challenge?

Encourage them to be outward looking, if that makes sense. Enable them to cope with life in general (be self disciplined, get along with other people) keep on doing what you're doing. Let them play or muck about at weekends, give them family roots, do simple stuff like try and eat one family meal together daily. Keep them physically fit and active, but also sufficient sleep and down time.

I reckon that's all just as important as making sure they have access to a pc, be able to go to museums, galleries and libraries.

I'd encourage areas they are interested in mainly. I'd also look at stuff like Duke of Edinburgh awards, young TA maybe stuff that's practical as well as mental. What's important is mind/opinion broadening. If their world of employment is only one or two types they won't know to look outside of that. Photography, cooking, media, journalism, theatre school etc all broaden view points and encourage alternative thinking.

I agree about D of E and other outside of school stuff.

My Dd's have done Guides, Scouts, Air Cadets, Explorers as well as various sports. None have cost me a fortune but all have given the Dd's opportunities to explore and gain a sense of independence and a confidence in themselves.

They are also meeting people from different backgrounds and with different outlooks on life.

I think it is all about experiences.
You can be the most intelligent person in the world but if you cant get on with people and work co operatively you are going to havea harder time doing well at work.

Unless of course you are designing computers or softwareof course

I agree with all of suggestions above - think they are all great. Just a couple of suggestions, no more important than above, re your mention of language and computing interests, how about a raspberry pi to learn more about computing, and a green mouse language resources to help with learning languages.

You don't want to typecast them, even if they are very clever, their happiest future may not be in doing something brainy. They need space to find & develop their own interests.

That said I sometimes joke with mine "You will study History at Cambridge and YOU will study chemistry at Imperial and you will read law at Oxford" etc. I'm planting little seeds of what they might think possible...

Good self-esteem comes first and foremost, that's easy to forget. It's the foundation for success.

I suppose what else you could do is encourage them to aim high and that they can achieve anything if they set their minds to it. That you will back them 100% and help them find a way. Try to find ways to make your and their outlook more intellectual, perhaps. We have radio on all day especially Radio 4. Recently my 11yo has started listening to it voluntarily . Even talks to us about what's she heard on there.

Question Time, PM with Eddie Mair, Desert Island discs - so many good Radio 4 programmes .. By the way, just been watching new 'Africa' nature documentary and I'm finding the stories and music a bit too loud and intrusive ...?

Oh thanks everybody some really great suggestions. Sorry for not coming back sooner - I nipped into town a wee while :)

They do Scouts at the moment and always go on the camps and I hope they will be able to get on the DoE programme when they are old enough. They also do Judo and swim and youngest is learning the tin whistle but eldest wont touch an instrument. He has borderline Aspergers and was bullied at primary but seems to be coming out his shell a bit better at High school and has made a few new friends. On the plus side he is not fazed by anything and will go along to anything whether he knows anyone or not.

Youngest doesn't have any bullying issues but struggles for friends as the boys he used to hang about with have all gotten into sport and he is not interested. Hoping that'll change when he gets to high school and he'll find more people that have things in common with him.

We all enjoyed Andrew Marrs History of the world - it was our Sunday night family viewing - would be good to find something else suitable, otherwise we don't really watch tv.

Aside from Scouts, although they do activities, they are not particularly fussed about the ones they do i.e. they go along but could definitely put a bit more effort in especially the youngest. They have however tried everything available - Neither of them like team sports unfortunately.

The radio thing is a good idea too - will need to switch from Radio 2 in the car :)

As for eating at the table - they both prefer if we don't sit with them so that they can read - they are not allowed to read if we are all at the table!! - we still do though - mainly just to annoy them :o

Keep an eye open for a good selection of programmes. My old headmistress told me to read the Daily Telegraph every day, I think a broader selection would help! but yes listen to talk rather than just music radio shows.

Haven't seen the "Africa" series yet but have read elsewhere the music is distracting and voiceover however marvellously intoned has been 'dumbed down'...

Any recommendation of programmes? - as I don't watch, I seldom have any idea what is on. History seems to be a bit of a hit or any documentary type things. Eldest likes things about House building like grand designs and they both like survival type programmes. We have access to iplayer and lovefilm and can record any series that aren't on at a good time.

Richard Hammond's Miracles of Nature.

Back in my youth there were shows like The Great Egg Race, more recently Scrapheap Challenge or the American versiin, Junkyard Wars. Old favourites like Horizon. Don't know if your boys would watch historical things like Meet The Romans, accessible features with the likes of Neil Oliver? There's arty stuff like The Culture Show, international documentaries like Storyville.

thanks for the suggestions - the Neil Oliver stuff sounds particularly good - we see him around and about a lot as he lives in the vicinity. I might get Andrew Marr's programme on dvd I think as I know we would all watch it again.....and I missed one when I fell asleep as we were watching it in a hotel room while in bed :)

I'll see if I can find any of the others on the schedule or on catch up or something.

There is masses of interesting stuff on BBC4 that my 10 and 11 year olds like to watch - covers the gamut of history, science, nature and others (they tend to do them in seasons - a whole batch of programs on the same subject and then switch to something else). Some of the good stuff also makes it to BBC2. They also like things like Restoration Man and Time Team on Channel 4. There is a new series about young farmers that they are currently enjoying.

I tend to scan the week ahead on the tv guide and record anything they might find interesting and then let them choose.

I'd bookmark A Green Mouse online for free videos in French and Spanish too - it's friendly, e.g. lots of pictures of dogs, happy walks, biscuit-making etc.. and you hear the words.

I'd echo what some others have Sao about not type-casting and encouraging a wide range of activities.
My parents worked hard from v working class backgrounds to very middleclass by the time I came along. When they realised I had 'book-smarts' the pressure really mounted. Right through school I felt I was loved purely in terms of my academic achievements and when I wanted to read politics and business studies was told I had to do a 'real' subject so ended up with Physics and Astronomy. It's taken me a longtime to get over some of the damage done! So please, give your DC's a break and help them develop into bright, well-rounded, adults capable of making their own choices without needing to seek constant approval!

The BBC schools website is also very good. Lots of interactive stuff to do.
My DS2 is doing something called persuasive essay where they have to write on a topic of their choice and convince the reader to agree.
Could you do this but as a conversation topic?

firstly let them be kids.Let school do what school does, and encourage lots of out of school stuff.

Absolutely make sure that their self esteem isn't built entirely on academic success. yes it's fabulous that they are top of the class etc and always get A's , 100% or what ever, but one day they'll find and environment (maybe A levels, maybe uni ) where they get 80% not 100% or even 50% and they need not to be destroyed by that.

Give them the tools to be happy. It's the most important thing. Academic success brilliant but it isn't the be all and end all.

Yy what *ScubaSarah says, you sound lovely to be so supportive and at the same time letting them be kids too. There is an idea that 'boys being boys' they all get turned off learning and start acting up in class but assuming they get good teaching at school and a healthy attitude to balancing work and play at home, your boys will find their feet and give a good account of themselves.

Such a fantastic range of suggestions here, yay for Mumsnet

I know - this is brilliant, thanks everyone, much appreciated.

Now it's the dilemma of allowing them to do what they want (play on computer and computer games) and making them do things they need to do - get fresh air and exercise! Everything in moderation! Although Eldest son's social life - which we want to encourage - seems to be based around Skype so I am sometimes allowing him a lot more time on computer than I am actually happy with. He doesn't go to the local school so most of his friends are a drive away. Youngest will be in the same position after the summer.

This is free and a lovely way to practise a language. (It gets high ratings on TES website):
www.agreenmouse.com/je-mappelle-billy-french-listening-for-children/ If any of you like animals it will bring a smile to your face

Younger son loves animals so think that will be right up his street. He loves words and I found him a book of unusual words last year which he loves to throw into conversations. Eldest would love animals if they had engines or were made from lego :)

Youngest told me yesterday that he is doing his Burns Poem in Russian! His friend has sounded it out phonetically and he is learning it from that - pretty good accent too :)

Wow! It's brilliant he's prepared to make the sounds. Looks like he'll really love joining in with the 'Je m'appelle Billy' thing - and it's in Spanish too which is a very phonetic language - have a look, it should make you smile. No rain and a bit of sun here - yes!!

Thanks guys - so many lovely comments and help :)

HelpOneAnother I know what you mean, his catchment school decided they were offereing 5! The school he attends are offering 7. Don't want to say which one, but recently came 4th in the country for academic success - though it isn't all about academic success and his catchment school has a completely different intake that means that may be exactly right for them. (they are focussing on getting 5 good results rather than 6 or 7 mediocre/poor). he ended up there because we wanted to take him out of being bullied and a target for similar behaviour. He was also extremely anxious around classroom disruption etc. This was our next most convenient school and we were happy he got a space. It is absolutely the right place for him to be and I think he is thriving and being amongst other kids who are very bright and probably a bit more driven and motivated than he has been. It is strange for him to not be at the top of the class (not that i really know where he is now) but definitely a good thing. Still getting to grips with the whole BGE and levels etc. The school seems to believe that they will finish 3rd year (well actually at Easter before the end of 3rd year) with 4s in most subjects already so effectively they are choosing which ones they want to take at 5 and as Highers/advanced Highers in 5th/6th year. So I think (depending on which subjects they choose) they should end 4th year with whatever they get when they sit their level 5s - say they pass them all and get 7, plus 3 or 4 additional subjects at level 4 based on that they had from the BGE....and they also seem to think they can sneak in a 3 in an additional language somewhere!