Worried about 16mth old DS's development. Can you reassure me or tell me that I'm right to worry.

[GotAnyGrapes]

So DS is 16mths and just seems very different from DD. I know they say that girls develop quicker but I'm still worried.
Background is severe reflux which saw him admitted to hospital on 3 occasions. He then seemed to take a while to 'warm up' if that makes sense.
So, he's now 16mths and things that worry me are
-he only has 4 words: up, dat (that), der (there) and soo (for shoe)
-he doesn't say mama or dada
-he just seems to point and scream 'daaaat' at things he wants. No calm asking first.
-he seems totally unable to stay in one place for more that a few minutes. He is rarely still, has to climb in, out or over everything. Every box or bag has to be opened and emptied.
-he is obsessed with remote controls and wires of any kids.
He answers to his name only about three quarters of the time and always seems to have a compulsion to run off.

At this age, DD had more words than I can remember, always came looking for me, wanted to play with me and seemed so calm in comparison. So I'm not sure which of them is more typical. Not sure if I should be worried but if not then feel free to offer me a kick up the bum.

The speech isn't much of an indication at this age. Perhaps using a few signs with him would help he communicate and reduce his frustration? Our dd had speech delay and the HCPs weren't worried as she could follow instructions so, if you say something like put your cup on the table, van he do it?

Lots of the other things you say could be just personality and gender. If he runs off do you have reins?

If you are worried perhaps a chat with your HV might help?

does he point at things out of interest and look at you to see if you are looking? Does he bring things to show you?
Agree few words not necessarily indicative of problem.

Thank you both. Karlos, he points to things he wants and to things he sees such as aeroplanes and dogs but I've not noticed him looking at me when he does it. When he points at aeroplanes he says, 'up'! Just checked his keepsake books and he started pointing at 9mths. Waving at 7mths and clapping at 11mths. He also shares his rice cakes with us. Are these all good or does he need to look at me when pointing. I don't think he does but I'll need to check.

That all sounds good. The significance of the pointing/looking/bringing things to show is shared attention as I'm sure you know. He is still only 16 months, so a couple of months short of when the screening tests based on these things would be administered. Can he follow your point or does he just look at your hand? Does he have any simple pretend play e.g. will he pour drinks from a toy teapot, that sort of thing?

I had a girl first, and then a little boy. Well, all I can say is that I was totally unprepared for the differences, which I presume are at least partly to do with gender.

My DS is also interested in wires, leads, buttons, remote controls, anything mechanical really. Also far, far more physical than DD, always on the go, much more of a bolter (especially if he knows you want him for something he doesn't want to do )

Agree speech is not much of an indicator of anything at this age, although one thought: has he had many ear infections? These are common with reflux babies and it may be worth getting his hearing checked if so.

Hi, yes he follows a point well and he understands things like. It's behind you. He does have some reasonable understanding as if I ask him where his shoes/socks/trousers are he will point to them and say. 'der'. If I say, 'can mummy have your shoes' etc, then he will give me them maybe 7 times out of 10. He also looks at things when I mention them so if I talk to him about trees, even if he has his back to the patio doors he will turn around and look at the trees. Though I have to say his understanding is not as sharp as DDs was at this age.

Oh and not sure about pretending. He will hold a phone to his ear and say hi and babble into it but he doesn't pretend something else is a phone.

Thank you, Narmada. Yes to ear infections. He has had 3. But his heating was tested just 2mths ago due to hearing loss in DH's family and it was fine.

My dd sounds just like your ds. She selectively listens and ignores you in turn, says 'there, bye bye, mama and baba" and gets very angry sometimes and screams. She is extremely alert and I notice her doing things that are pretty interesting, such as also being obsessed with wires and trying to plug chargers in the (covered) sockets. She also talks a bit on the phone or anything that looks like a phone. Don't worry about your ds, 16 months is so young and it's all in their own time to develop :)

I know he's still little but if it's more than just his personality I'd rather be on the ball and alert to any problems as early as possible. DS also tries to plug things in and always wants to brush our teeth with his toothbrush.

I have two boys, both quite different and your son sounds just lovely. I really don't think you need to worry :)

Posted too soon.
Meant to say, DD would hold her toothbrush up to show us and comment (even in babble before words) on the picture on the handle. In contrast, DS just shoves his toothbrush in our mouths and tries to brush our teeth vigorously.

Thank you, Ali. The truth is I'm not sure if I should be worried or not. Happy to accept I'm being ridiculous if it's clear I am. He just seems so far behind DD and do much more impulsive and wild than she was. But as I said, not sure which of them is more typical.

My DS2 is a little younger than yours (almost 15m) but sounds v similar. He has no discernible words (kind of says mummy I suppose), and NEVER SITS STILL FOR A SECOND!!!! He too is obsessed with wires, electric things, and climbing on anything he possibly can. I caught him climbing into the toilet yesterday .

DS1 was similar but not quite as extreme. He had glue ear and ended up with grommets, so I wouldn't be surprised if DS2 has the same. But, I think 16m is too young to worry about it. Your DS sounds lovely, and as exhausting as mine

I should also say -I obviously compare DS2 to DS1, they are similar but am still constantly shocked and surprised at how active and determined he is. OP you are comparing your DS to a very calm girl, so I'm not surprised that you are a bit at the difference!

Thanks, mrlazysfishwife. And yes, he is utterly exhausting. Good to know it could just be him and nothing more worrying.

I wouldn't say that he was behind, his development is just directed differently.

All that climbing and clambering, his gross motor skills are clearly developing very well!
His curiosity about gadgets and buttons, his interest in how things work rather than just what they look like.

I'm a little bit surprised that you view inspecting the picture on the toothbrush in a more positive light than him using it for its proper purpose and trying to 'help' you to clean your teeth too.

I really recommend that you read a book called 'Raising Boys' by Steve Biddulph. It will make you look at your boy in a different light, and also realise that you need to parent him in a completely different way to your DD.

Your son sounds quite similar to my daughter who's the same age. I think she is more interested in making up her own long babble sentences than learning boring old one syllable words! She loves pretending to be on the phone and has perfected a middle distance stare which is very funny. I can tell she is a bright girl who is interested in the world around her. I think everything will probably fall into place soon enough. 16 months is still very young. (BTW I think it's lovely that your boy is cleaning your teeth for you!)

That all sounds very encouraging. I'm always slow to dismiss parents when they say something feels wrong because that was done to me regarding my DS whose development defintiely was not typical (he was DXd with ASD at 2.5 because I got sick of NHS fobbing me off and took him private) and I had a lot of "boys are slower" which I am not convinced there is any basis for, frankly. But I would not say from what you are describing you should be banging on your HVs door at all. If you still feel uneasy in 2 or 3 months' time then maybe think about it.

Just wanted to add a bit more reassurance. Our DS was a great talker, along came dd and she said only odd words until just before she was 3 and then said a 7 word sentence. She did have a bit of SLT but everyone, including SLT and school thought it was just because she is an August baby and so was a little behind her peers. It was just a couple of sounds she was mixing up and everything was sorted in 6 sessions

He has more words than my 16 month old dd. She says mama & Dada but thats it. she also had severe reflux and the peaditritian thinks it slowed down her development as she was always uncomfortable or asleep (in the day - not night!). Therefore I was expecting her to be slower in talking. I'm not worrying just yet.

I've got a 16mo DS - also my DC2 after a DD as DC1. I think what you're describing sounds fine, my DS is also much more obsessed with climbing/chucking balls around than sitting down, looking at books, etc. I think my DD definitely spoke more at this age, but I am not worried.

My DS can say "no", "ess" (yes), "dat", "dere" (there), "ball", and something that approximates to "finish" then other stuff like "duck" and "fish" when he feels like it, but I get the impression that mostly he can't be bothered. He points, shouts, or just goes and gets what he wants.

I also remember that with my DD I would sit with her at bath time and spend ages looking at toys and bath books and trying to teach her words, which I just don't have time to do with him (because she is around and demanding attention too!).

In summary, I don't think you need to worry!