2yo refusing to sleep of have a bath

[PelicanMama]

Would really appreciate some advice.

DS has just turned 2. He is very tall and strong for his age (10lbs at birth) and has for a long time been able to get himself out of his cot. It has now however reached the point where he will never go to sleep without getting out of his cot countless times. He has a grobag on but just takes it off and gets out. If we do tough love (putting him straight back in over and over) he just gets hysterical and we end up putting him back 40+ times, if we do cuddles, more drinks, his comfort toys, let him have another book eventually he will go to bed but I feel uncomfortable with this as he is being 'rewarded' for 'naughty' behaviour. It is utterly exhausting. I'm pg with dc2 and am getting to the point where I don't feel able to do bedtime without my husband because I just don't have the energy to lift him and put him in the cot so many times. There is no way we could let someone else put him to bed which is not where I feel comfortable as 2 years old.

In addition to this he has started waking at 5.45 or 6 am most mornings (and typically wakes once for a drink during the night). Before this he would occasionally go until 7.45 but was typically 7. Because I can't bear a wrestle at lunchtime and at bedtime, and because I thought it must be him ready to drop his nap I have been cutting out his lunchtime sleep but he is shattered. all. of. the. time. He wakes up and is ready for a nap at 9.30/10 and by five is a nightmare. If he drops off even for 5 minutes (say if he's in the pushchair) there is no way he will have a second nap regardless of how long the first nap might have been.

On top of this he has REFUSED to get into the bath for the last four nights. Screaming when we take off his clothes, not getting in, when we pick him up and put him in he clings onto us and just puts his legs out straight away. Tonight he slipped badly, it was horrible :( I would think he had developed some kind of random fear of water if it wasn't that he happily had a shower with DH this morning. Our feeling is that he just knows it's all part of going to bed so is throwing a wobbly.

I know lots of people are going to say put him in a bed but I really don't feel he is ready and wouldn't feel comfortable with him roaming around the room himself (assuming I put a stair gate on the door). I would worry that he would climb on his chest of drawers, that it would either fall on him or he would jump off it (he is fearless). Also I think it would just push him to climb the stairgate. We fiddled his cot so that the mattress was on the floor - he just got out no problem.

Am at wits end. My husband recently made redundant so we are moving in with my parents for the forseeable. This is bad in our own house but will be beyond the pail in anothers'. I feel like the rest of my parenting is slipping because this issue is clouding everything.

Please help! (sorry for inadvertant long post)

He's not being naughty, he just doesn't want to be separated from you.

I had a 2yo DS like this. The only answer was to stay with him until he was asleep. Yes, it is tiring (and difficult if you are trying to put a toddler and baby to bed by yourself. But it doesn't last forever.

Does he usually have 2 naps? Usually by this age they are on one after lunch, but know there isn't a one rule fits all.

As for refusing naps, how about both going to bed together?

I would also suggest staying in his room with him until he falls asleep, maybe sit in a chair or on the floor. You could also try sticking him in your bed and then moving him when he is fast asleep.

Have you read this book too?

Haven't got any experience of bath refusal? Maybe add bubbles and get him with him?

Jilted, op has cut his daytime nap because he started waking early, think shes just trying to say hes so shattered hes nodding off in the morning but if he has so much as 5mins he wont nap later in the day ie after lunch.

Op i really dont think cutting the nap is the answer, he sounds like he has become really overtired. Can you tell us his routine before you cut his nap? Usually early waking is linked to the timing of the daytime nap being too early, but may also be down to overtiredness. Either way ot can be sorted.

Just wondering if the freaking at bathtime might just be because hes wired.Or something really silly like youve inadvertently freaked him without realising - this happened with my ds after he asked about the gurgle noise as the water drained away & he decided it was a monster & got really upset about bathtime for a while til i reassured him the monster was gone.

Wrt bedtime, imho if he can climb out then you really do need to put him in a bed for his own safety, he could really hurt himself. Or if your sleeping bags had shoulder poppers, try one that zips down instead or put it on backwards & he shouldnt get out & it may buy you some extra time.

Ah I see. Agree with omama

Hi all,

Thanks for taking time to reply I really appreciate it.

Routine for bed in evening is dinner (usually together as a family) at 5.00-5.30 bath at 6, reading, milk, bed for 7pm (it was anyway, now tends to take an hour of wrestling).

He has a lunchtime nap at 12.30/1pm and has as long as he needs but not past 2.30. Since this phase he has mostly been having about an hour and waking up early.

All in all not enough sleep for such a little one!

Thanks for all suggestions. He is currently asleep in my arms in his bedroom after a much calmer lunchtime prenap time. There was some messing about but overall much better. Fingers crossed this evening.

Re bath I thinks it's just an association with going to bed as he will happily get in in a morning as Dh showers. We have tried toys bubbles us getting in during an evening but to no avail. Completely agree he is totally wired.

Thanks for advice

How was this evening? Being wired could be a sign of being overtired.

Put him in a bed

How long do you plan to keep him in the cot for? It's better to get him used to the bed before dc2 arrives. Imagine trying to settle a baby and toddler new to a bed?

Get his nap back too.

I was terrified putting ds into a bed but actually it wasnt that bad. We sat with him until he slept. Yes there was messing about after a few weeks of being fine but it passed.

Put him in a bed. He is too big for a cot, it must be very uncomfortable.

Forget the evening bath. Just do hands face and bottom. Let him enjoy the shower with DH in the morning.

Make sure he has a nap every day. The problem with night time sleep/early waking is probably due to overtiredness.

Make sure he has a relaxing winding down period before bed. Fighting about the bath is absolutely not going to improve things.

He needs plenty of fresh air and exercise every day.

Can you remove everything that is unsafe from his room?

Get a dog gate to put across his bedroom door. They are much higher than ordinary gates.

HTH.

I'd cut out bathtime - once a week is plenty and you could make it fun time - or even let him shower 'like a big boy' if he prefers that.

I'd reinstate lunchtime naps and try putting him to bed slightly later. If you are going to take an hour to get him to sleep, you might as well let him stay up an extra hour and then go without so much hassle.

My two were up till 8pm from about 2yo, iirc.

I definately second putting him in a bed I am shocked that you are keeping him in a cot that he can climb out of That is my mind is a lot more dangerous than him wandering about his bedroom!

I would stick with the routine and be consistant and firm with him, does he have a bedtime story? A night light?

You would be so much better off with him in a bed, if nothing else a lot more comfy for you to get in and lie down next to him if all else fails

However I think when he gets up leave him for 10mins go in, no eye contact - bedtime now sweetie - pop into his bed and leave again, repeat, eventually he will get bored and go to sleep!!

As for the bath fear I wouldn't bother if he is having a shower in the morning leave it at that. Let him climb in with you when you have a bath and once it isn't an issue reintroduce it into your routine.

I don't think it is shocking that he's still in a bed - I remember being worried about putting DD into a bed about that age, but she was absolutely fine.

It would be good to get him into the bed now though, save him feeling pushed out of his bed by the new baby.

Have a bath with him. He will love that. And in terms of bed, just get everyone rested, even if you have to lie down near him every time you put him down. Then when you're all rested, treat him to a big boy bed that he helps choose

Shower in the morning instead of bath at bedtime? Or bath after lunch as an activity? You could make it a play activity rather than a bath with lots of things to pour water in and out of, then see if he wants to climb in to play with the water.

The lack of sleep would drive me mad too - I remember battling with my dc(s) sleep when pregnant and I just couldn't see straight! Do you think he could manage one long sleep at 11 or 11:30am?

My 2 year old used to be a perfect gina ford sleeper and has suddenly started a putting to bed battle where he does the same as your ds - trying to climb out, throwing everything out etc. At the moment I am sitting in his room and giving him a cuddle for a bit then he'll let me put him back to bed.

You're not rewarding naughty behaviour - if he feels insecure or separation anxiety or is going through a big phase of development that can be the reason for this behaviour at the moment so giving him attention and reassurance will make him feel happier and more secure, and hopefully he'll put up less of a fight with you.

Just to clarify...

He isn't so big that the cot is too small for him. He doesn't touch the sides, top or bottom. He is just 2. I'm not forcing him to sleep in a space that's too small. Girlie you make it sound like I'm hurting him FGS. Why would I do that? It's a cotbed he won't have anymore space when it's a bed. I won't be able to lie in it when it's a bed as its too short and we don't have the extra £ for a single bed atm.

I don't want to put him in a bed right now because there has been a lot of change for him. We are moving house, we spent two weeks away from home over Xmas, my husband is suddenly around all the time, there is a lot of talk of babies etc etc. I obviously will put him in a bed at some point (I'm not holding out cos i want to keep him in a cot forever like some crazy person) but right now it's another change for him and to be honest I think it would make everything much much worse. I have six months before baby arrives so although I agree I need to sort it's not urgent urgent.

In addition just to reiterate, I am genuinely worried that he would mess around with things in his room and hurt himself that way. In the day if left alone he will use drawers as a ladder (tho never been alone long enough to get beyond first drawer) and because its just his clothes that whole thing feels like it might topple. Maybe I will put some bricks in it anyway so I'm not worried about this. I can't move his furniture as there is no where else to put it.

Today after cuddling to sleep, he had a two hour nap which was amazing. He was much much happier this arvo.

Night time routine is solid as it ever has been he has stories and wind down time aplenty. To be honest there just isn't a lot you can do when he just gets out 40+ times a night. He can be yawning his head off and then just gets totally wired as you put him down.

We sacked the bath and will keep it that way for a while.

Not a dog person so completely had t thought of that so thanks.

This evening it took forty minutes but eventually after lots of messing about but no tears he went to sleep because we stayed and cuddled him. So feel that that is positive progress. Certainly better than the agony of previous weeks. Just to see if he gets up any later now/doesn't wake in night.

Thanks for help

I feel your pain, OP as we're having similar issues with DD (23m).

For months she was happy to have a bath or shower, now she clings like a limpet if you try to get her into either. Last night it took two of us to get her to stay in the bath for 5 mins. I had to get in with her, and we had a battle to get her hair washed (which had to be done as she'd "styled it" with mashed potato).

On top of that, we had 19 Sept - 17 December with her waking around 4 - 5.45 am every night and refusing to go back to sleep in her cot. Taking off grobag and sleepsuit/babygrow not uncommon. We resorted to putting her in her playpen in the lounge, with the TV on, after comforting and redressing her. Would get up at 7 to find her just in a nappy.

We had a blissful week over Christmas of her sleeping through and happy to bath/shower.

Now we're back to where we were.

It's driving me MAD!

(on the plus side, she will sleep during the day - aim for one nap after lunch, and will settle down to sleep fairly well, but not until around 8pm.)

You could also make his room very toddler friendly so that if he got up and wandered around, he was unlikely to hurt himself. Fix furniture to the wall, use drawer locks, stair gate in doorway, create enticing little play zones ...

Sounds good. Please think about securing the dresser to the wall.

I read a blog last week about a toddler who woke early and played in her room. Her parents found her under the dresser that she'd pulled on top of her.

It takes 30 mins to secure the dresser. Since he is a climber, it is definitely something you should do.

My DS3 pulled a tall bookcase over himself in the living room - CDs and DVDs showered down and he would have been squashed under the bookcase itself if a cupboard hadn't broken its fall. Very dramatic. Please do secure everything to the wall as even tiny children are enthusiastic climbers sometimes.

Agree re securing the drawers/dresser, at least you will have peace of mind that he wont get hurt.

Wrt routine, i would gradually push naptime to a consistent 1pm, 12.30 is prob too early at this age & what is leading to the EW. I also agree that if hes napping for 1.5hrs+ that 7pm is likely too early now. From about 22 months we had nap 1-3pm & bedtime had to be 8pm. I think you'd find he'll settle a bit better if you put him down a touch later. If youre concerned about ot you could always push it 15mins at a time.x

Perhaps you might look into making bathtime more fun for him?
Eg.

• Sometimes I put a couple of drops of foodcolouring into the bath with DD. Completely safe, doesn't stick to their skin or make them go a funny colour! She loves it when I say, "shall we have a green bath tonight, DD?"
• Bubble bath?
• A new bath toy?

Squirty soap is great, as are bath crayons.
Character/novelty duvet covers are enjoyed by some children at bedtime.

Great to read some of the advice and hear I'm not alone! We've just moved house (and country!) and DS has gone from super-easy to get to sleep, to having to stay with him till he drops off. Plus he usually wakes up at least once in the night and wants to get up at 6 instead of 7. I'm sure it is just all the change but I hope he gets over it soon. Sounds like it's a fairly common toddler thing.

My DS was also big at birth and very bright (not sure that's relevant though) but he had no naps at all from 18 months and only ever slept 10 hours at night. He is also a willful bugger and can refuse do to something and stick to it no matter WHAT the bribe or punishment. I'm still struggling 7 years later :) Anyway, if your DS is like mine I wouldn't expect him to need the 'normal' amount of sleep. I'd drop the daytime nap and put him to bed later so he's exhausted.

Also my sister was also like this and only ever went to sleep at 4am. My mother only got a break when she put my sis in a 'big girl' bed which for some reason did the trick.