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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Toddler shouting at Newborn

16 replies

Ponka · 19/04/2006 14:13

Just a quick one in amongst all the chaos and tiredness and happiness that comes with a newborn....

Our 22 month old toddler goes up and shouts loudly in our newborn's face, every time he's anywhere near him.

Anybody got any tips or experience of this?

I'd like to let it ride a little and perhaps pay more attention to DS2 when he does it and more attention to him when he's good so that he eventually gets the message that it doesn't get him the attention but that he is still loved. However, it's driving DH crazy and he wants to either keep DS2 away and out of the room as much as possible and use the naughty spot when it isn't. Perhaps I'm being too soft.

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suzywong · 19/04/2006 14:20

Naughty spot no good

You are tight about giving him more attention, but you could try the empathy thing too, maybe ask if he would lke it if you shouted in the face of his favourite cuddly toy, and that it's not the best thing to do and ask him to come and pulll your hand or something you think you cope with ad infinitum instead

Tough time innit?

secur · 19/04/2006 14:25

My 22 month old responds very well to "sit on your bottom" - not that we have this case ourselves but for hitting older siblings etc she has to sit on her bottom for a moment or two and then has to say sorry to however it was. I don't think she relises precisly what sorry means as such but it makes her stop immediatly and is closly linked to the bad behaviour, stops her getting attention from it etc.

I don't like the idea of keeping them apart though DS will never learn that way and will just excarebate the problem later on IMO.

At the end of the day shouting is unlikly to harm your newborn and your older child has to be allowed to adjust too - you and DH had 9 months to get used to the idea!

Original poster

Ponka · 19/04/2006 14:28

Cheers Suzywong.

Yeah, tough for us and for DS1 too but yet still great. I knew it would be with 2 under 2 but it's a lovely age gap in the long run.

Sounds like you are/ have been there, too.

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lact8 · 19/04/2006 14:31

oh ponka, you have my sympathy, exactly same age between ds2 and dd. Ds2 would do all sorts to get attention when dd was born, especially when i was feeding her and he knew i couldn't jump up straight away and stop him. More attention is definately the best way. I got ds2 involved in fetching nappies and wipes and would say "ds2 show me how you jump, run, roll over, (anything to dustract him)" he'd do it and i'd say "your such a big boy, dd can't do that cos she's a baby"

DD now 4 months and DS2 loves her to bits now, he wants to kiss her and squeeze her all the time, so it does get bettr!

Original poster

Ponka · 19/04/2006 14:31

Yeah Secur, I think shunting DS2 out into another room all the time is not the answer. It's not fair on him and DS1 will realise that he has achieved his aim of getting rid of that baby so he can get all the attention! I might do it occasionally though so that he can get sleep when he really needs it because it keeps waking him up!

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suzywong · 19/04/2006 14:34

yes that's a really good idea, even if the baby doesn't need nappies/wipes/muslin ask him to pass them fro you and do the praise thing. I remember ds1, who is 28 months older than ds2 was indifferent to him at first and it was the nappy passing thing that made the bridge IYWIM

Original poster

Ponka · 19/04/2006 14:36

Cheers Lact8. Nice to hear there is possibly light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, I have the feeding thing too, sometimes. I offer cuddles/reading at the same time but he only wants them on his own. Nice name by the way!

Getting him involved a little and getting him to feed/put a nappy on teddy seems to have been a hit, as has a bit of TV here and there! Poor DS, he'll get used to it. He'll have to. He used to have my undivided attention (perhaps I pampered him a little too much and made a rod for my own back).

OP posts:

suzywong · 19/04/2006 14:38

it is very hard, the attention thing and as secur says you have had months to get used to the idea and it's a big shock for a kid. It will get better, and when they play together it is just joyful

lact8 · 19/04/2006 14:40

we also had a baby doll with a little carrier for ds2 and would say to him to get his baby ready, to sleep, ready for bath etc and it seemed to help

lact8 · 19/04/2006 14:47

i agree with sw, when i make the beds i put dd on one pillow and ds2 on the other, ds1 squeezes in too sometimes, and its a great start to the day to see their griinning faces peeping out of the covers

does ds2 seem enormous to you now ponka? ds2 was my little man til dd arrived and now seems like a whopper!

Original poster

Ponka · 19/04/2006 19:19

He reeeaaaally does, lact8. I go to pick him up and get a shock at how heavy he is every day and I go to pick up DS2 and get a shock at how light he is. Makes me realise DS1 is DEFINATELY not a baby any more. It's weird the difference in the sizes of their bums too in the marathon back to back changing sessions

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lact8 · 19/04/2006 23:32

Lol at the marathon changing sessions

Somedays I feel surrounded by pooey nappies, DS2 needs doing, then DD, then DS2 again, my nose is getting immune to the smell now but always worry it must stink to any visitors!

How was DS2 with the baby today?

threebob · 20/04/2006 00:52

Lots of teddy bear work - playing gentle "round and round the garden" games with teddy as you play them with baby, and then you play with him too so he can feel the touch.

The shouting in the face is probably a (bad) imitation of all the coochie coo stuff that people get in a newsborns face with. I would do lots of work with quiet singing and then loud singing (and for the loud you stand away from other people) but when you sing quietly you can have hugs at the same time.

anchovies · 20/04/2006 07:26

Have had exactly the same problem with ds who's 26 months. With us it is definitely a (poor and meant to be annoying!) impression of how I talk to ds2. Have got a rule where there is no touching him while he's asleep and that has helped but as everyone else has said, distraction and attention are the two main things that have helped. He is already so much better with him (ds2 now 6 weeks). Actually I'm not sure he is better but has definitely got used to him and just forgets he is there most of the time!

Original poster

Ponka · 20/04/2006 23:24

Lots of distraction and attention tried today but it's not helped because poor DS1 is poorly. He's not been too bad with the baby, bit of shouting and some well meant attempts to furiously rock his moses basket but we've had tantrum after tantrum about everything else. I think things will calm down a lot more when he's better.

OP posts:

lact8 · 20/04/2006 23:35

Hi Ponka, had been wondering how it was going. Sorry to hear he's not well. Still early days for him but I can remember thinking DS2 would be like it forever.

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