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Am at end of tether....!

6 replies

MrsC1969 · 06/01/2013 23:43

I am sorry, this may be quite long, it's my first post and I am desperate for help. I have a 22 month old son who has been a challenge since birth. He cried virtually non stop from the moment he was born (I am not exaggerating, he came out crying and cried solidly for the next 16 hours) until about three months old (except when having very short naps) and has yet to sleep for a full night, or any more than three hours in fact. He suffered with reflux which we eventually sorted out and hence that contributed greatly to his early issues. I am not an inexperienced parent, I have a teenage daughter and son was a late and surprise arrival. I hadn't counted on how he would be. My marriage is at breaking point and the lack of sleep/musical beds/screaming and crying has taken a huge toll. We have tried everything, I mean everything. Nothing has worked. I have noticed that my son will not settle again for at least 8 hours after a nap. Tried cutting out nap, but he would just fall asleep at say 8 pm, have his "nap" and be awake for the rest of the night into the early hours (sometimes until 5 or 6 am) running around having a whale of a time while my husband or I are catatonic on the sofa. He will not fall asleep in his bed, he gets up, sometimes 20 or 30 times before he will settle. We now either leave him to fall asleep on the sofa or husband takes him into our bed until he falls asleep (which is where he is as we speak). He rarely gives in before 11 pm at night. Hence, husband and I have no time together, no relaxing evening and I end up racing around doing chores until son wakes up again for round two. It is also affecting our daughter who is just starting her GCSE year. She dotes on her brother but the nightly activities do affect her sleep and I am seriously worried about this too. I should point out that I am an older mother, my son was conceived because my so called permanent method of contraception failed and this was obviously undetected and he was born when I was just shy of 42 years old. I am a fit and active Mum but approaching 44 years old, I simply don't have the energy I had in my 20's!! Please don't get me wrong, my son is a beautiful, bright little boy and adored by us all but we can't go on like this. I think I have said enough for now, but would be grateful for any input from anybody who has experienced similar issues! Again, I am so sorry for such an essay!

OP posts:
fidelma · 07/01/2013 00:28

You poor love.You are exhausted as is the rest of the family.You need to get some help. I struggled with some of my 4 but they are all ok now (mind you 3 year old gives us a good run for our money!)
I found the baby whisperer book/ method suited me best and did work.
My only experience is my 4.But whenevery I followed the training programme through it did work within a few nights.If you honestly have followed a programme and he has not responded you need help from your GP.Perhaps they could refer you to a sleep clinc.
Stay clam and loving x

MrsC1969 · 07/01/2013 00:37

Fidelma, thank you so much for your lovely post. I will look that book up right now. We have tried the following : controlled crying, uncontrolled crying (!), cutting naps, encouraging more naps, sleeping wherever you feel like it, getting into our bed, coming downstairs at midnight to watch "Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom"....(because he might eventually get as bored of it as we are)...putting a mattress in his room so we can take turns sleeping in there...sleeping on the floor (backache). Have not yet resorted to driving round in car but did once try dosing up with Piriton which sent him into a two day frenzy of no sleeping at all. Have tried cutting out any sort of food with additives aswell. I think he's just a control freak, he doesn't like us kissing or touching eachother, even if it's just in passing, doesn't like me showing any sort of attention to his sister (and to be frank, neither does she at her age!!). I literally cannot believe we are going through this. Daughter slept through from 12 weeks for 12 hours a night. I do sometimes wonder whether something is wrong, he headbangs a lot and rolls his eyes up into the back of his head (mainly when he's been told off), we can't leave him with a babysitter as he goes batshit crazy and I can't even ask my Mum as she is dead and my husband's family are 200 miles away. Honestly, it's a nightmare! :-( Sorry, a further rant, obviously much needed!!!!!

OP posts:
fidelma · 07/01/2013 01:49

Half the country are bed swapping! It would be unusual for it not to settle.But he does need to be taught how to sleep.Follow a programme through 100% for a week and I bet you are all sleeping better.Just brace yourself for a week of working at it and you will be rewarded with sleep.
Talking of which why am I up?

MrsC1969 · 07/01/2013 02:03

LOL Fidelma! I am up as I have no bed to go to...:-/ Go to bed!!! I don't mind a hard week, we've had nothing but for the last two years! Thank you, I really appreciate your input x

OP posts:
fidelma · 08/01/2013 21:48

How's it going?

englishbreakfast · 08/01/2013 23:07

I sympathize hugely. My DD is 21 mo and is not a good sleeper at all! She's not as bad as your DS but also doesn't fall asleep till around 9.30pm despite us starting her bedtime routine just after 7.30pm every night, she often wakes up in the middle of the night and stays up for 2 - 3 hours, it's exhausting. She also has night wakings and I have to go and lie on the floor by her cot. We also take her into our bed so that at least we can try to half sleep while she entertains herself. We have tried lots of sleep training methods over the months. CC / CIO doesn't work for us (she will literally cry / shout for hours, I just could not do this). I really like Baby Whisperer, and the methods there are gentle but effective and I can see how they will work for many babies very effectively. They have helped us to improve her sleep a little bit but unfortunately despite staying very consistent with them, we still haven't yet managed to get her to the independent sleep stage and continue having these issues. We also make sure we are consistent with her day time and bedtime routines and this helps too but I have now come to realise that some children including DD are just bad sleepers and the only thing is to continue being consistent with their routine and have a lot of patience waiting for them to grow out of it! I'm sorry, I've not really given you any advice, as would welcome some myself, but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone (I know it's little consolation). Hugs

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