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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3.4 year old not writing or reading but starting sch in sept!

26 replies

forevermore · 06/01/2013 10:52

DD2 was born end of aug 09 so will start school a few days after her 4th birthday this September. She is very sociable. Attends preschool. Her vocabulary is about 12 months ahead (speech therapist told us when we enquired about her lisp). She is dry day and night. Eats well and sleeps well. But I am worried that she isn't really writing or reading. Should she be? DD1 could write her name when she started school. But her vocabulary was less advanced. Should I be doing anything about it. I must confess we have been much more relaxed with DD2 and let things happen 'natuyally' and most things have happened quicker (walking at 10 mths. Potty trained at 18 mths etc etc)......your opinions welcome.

OP posts:

ilovepowerhoop · 06/01/2013 10:54

She will learn to do both at school so don't worry.

ilovepowerhoop · 06/01/2013 10:55

She will learn to do both at school so don't worry.

PoppyWearer · 06/01/2013 10:57

My DD is a late-July birthday and started school this last September.

She could just write her name when she started, and recognise letters.

They teach them at school, she has come on leaps and bounds.

Don't sweat it, in many countries they don't start learning until they are 6/7 years old.

The more important stuff for school is social skills and also independence around putting on coats/clothes/shoes and going to the toilet. School can teach the rest.

Original poster

forevermore · 06/01/2013 10:59

Thanks

OP posts:

WaynettaSlobsLover · 06/01/2013 11:02

My ds sounds like the twin of your dd!! Don't give it another thought. My ds's key worker at nursery said she doesn't expect the majority of children under her care to be interested let alone start reading or writing until the age of around 5 to 7. Some kids are bright and gifted and go it earlier , such as myself who could read around age3 and write/spell very well but it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I'm average and crap in everything besides English and bio. With my ds I just occasionally practise his letters and numbers with him, both in English and Arabic, and he's a longggg way off reading yet. He can just about write his name but only I can read it lol. Enjoy your dd and let her go at her own pace

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 06/01/2013 11:03

on the school admission talks I've been on they said that they don't need to read or write when they start, what they are more concerned about is independance skills: looking after their own stuff, getting on and off own shoes/scarfs/coats, looking after own lunch box (peeling oranges, opening yogurt pots, basically doing it all themselves), toileting etc

Bunbaker · 06/01/2013 11:03

I think you have unreasonably high expectations. DD couldn't read or write at that age either. She went to school at four and a half and ended up with leve l5s in her KS2 SATS. Please don't worry. The school won't expect kids to read and write at the beginning of Reception.

DuchessOfAvon · 06/01/2013 11:06

My DD1 has an August birthday and couldn't read or write - even her own name - when she started reception. I remember looking at what the older kids in the nursery were churning out and feeling very dismayed. But you have to remember that there is almost a full year age difference between the oldest and youngest kids - and that's significant. My DD2 (who will be the oldest in her year when she starts in Sept) is almost reading and is now doing some limited writing phonetically so I finally understand the impact of the age difference.

2 years later, DD1 was signed off as a free reader at the start of year 2 and writes some lovely stuff. Its just our experience but may be of some comfort.

We just concentrated on making sure she was independent as Poppy describes and that she was supported with making friends - making sure she had plenty of opportunity to play with her classmates - but also making sure she wasn't getting too tired or over-loaded.

She'll be fine - but if you are worried, just make sure that you do discuss her age with the class teacher. Every one of DD1's teachers has had to be reminded that DD1 is young. She's very talkative and confident but struggles emotionally sometimes and the teachers just need a prod to remember that she's only little!

usualsuspect · 06/01/2013 11:07

I don't think many 3 year olds can read or write, please don't worry.

noblegiraffe · 06/01/2013 11:08

School teaches them how to read and write. My DS is exactly the same age as your DD and his motor skills are nowhere near good enough to even attempt writing his name. But my friend who is a reception teacher says it won't be a problem at all. Social skills and independence with eating, dressing and toileting are far more important. We are currently trying to get DS to put his coat on himself as that is something they won't be teaching him.

ceebeegeebies · 06/01/2013 11:10

DS2 will be nearly 5 when he starts school in September so he is 4.2 now...he can't read or write his name independently (he can trace it if you mark it out with dots!) and shows no inclination to do so either! I am not fussed as he will get there in his own time

Sandra2013 · 07/01/2013 10:35

Isn't that the reason they go to school for?

BadRoly · 07/01/2013 10:42

Ds2 will be 4 in June so will start school in Sept too.

His speech is poor and only recently has become clear enough for other people to understand. He can count upto 20 and recognise his name and the letters from his name but nothing beyond that. He doesn't write but occasionally has a scribble.

I am not worried as his nursery teachers are happy with his progress and he will have a go at most of the 'challenges' sent home. I have also spent a morning a week in reception class helping out so know that once he starts there, he will come on in leaps and bounds!!

Thirstysomething · 07/01/2013 16:40

heck, you are making me feel very guilty, my dd was born March 09, so is nearly 6 months older than yours and I haven't worried at all that she can't write a word and can barely draw a circle with dots in for a face.

We slightly 'hothoused' dd1 - not meaning to, just lots of time on my hands, and have totally neglected dd2 by comparison.
But I am expecting writing, reading etc to be taught by school with back up from us, not for her to arrive at school already reading/writing!

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 07/01/2013 16:48

my dd was born august 31st 2009 so will officially be the youngest in the whole year! she's a normal kid - quite good at some things, not so at others. She can draw a scribbly picture of a person and does 'writing' which at the moment is scribbly lines. I really don 't care - academically she will do what she will do. I'm more concerned about the tiredness and self help skills - my middle of august dd found things like getting her coat on and getting changed for PE much harder than some of the older children in her class. I am not mad about her being full-time just weeks after her 4th birthday but she will have 2 big sisters in the school to keep an eye on her and also if she does get too tired to cope I will take her out of school for a day or two to catch up on rest. I have done this when my other 2 needed it in reception year and I know my children best and school just have to put up with it!

FireOverBabylon · 07/01/2013 16:52

DS is an August birthday and also starts school this September. My gut feeling is that he's up to 12 months behind other children in his class so whilst they may be able to read / write, he will get there when he's 4.3, 4.5 etc, as they have, and not before, it just happens that he'll be learning that at school. I'm not going to rush him into learning stuff he's not ready for. He's just chuffed to bits when he can get his socks on and take himself to the loo, and that's enough for us for now.

BackforGood · 07/01/2013 16:55

That's one of the things they go to school for.
It is not usual except on MN for children to be able to either read or write before starting school

ep1977 · 08/01/2013 13:10

my dd was 3 last oct (born week 33)

her speech is amazing and she does lots of reading books with me and scissors activities/ playdough/cooking/walking/ she s not so good at putting onm any of her clothes(refuses!) but she take them off and put on wellies by herself.. my point was.. these are the life skills 3 yr olds need. daily access to chalkboard/ pen and paper or paints.. build up her skills and hand/eye coordination.

my dd is now starting to recognise the numbers accurately.

the last thing you want to do is start to to push them.. they will feel it is a chore rather than fun. your dc is starting nursery in sept. this is not comulsory they do not need to start school til the term after their 5th birthday and that is when they will learn to read and write etc.. anything before that time is a bonus. its great that you are looking out for your dc development but things like reading and writing anything legible is far too advanced for a 3yr old xx hth xxxx

FreyaKItty · 09/01/2013 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Willabywallaby · 11/01/2013 06:19

My DS2 is a May baby and he started school last September. At nursery they tried to get him to write his name, going over the dots, but he never really managed it. By half term he could not just write his name independently but could spell it. I'm so proud of this. I know some will be read/spelling/writing poetry but I feel he's coming on brilliantly. And his name is 8 letters long.

Let her learn at her own speed when she gets there.

Willabywallaby · 11/01/2013 06:21

Just reread the OP, would like DS2 to be dry at night, but not quite sure how to go about it, he's getting too but for Tesco own brand pull ups and the pyjama pants are a rip off!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 11/01/2013 06:39

I really wouldn't be worried about that at all - the things that are important are being able to:

go to the toilet independently (and wash hands!!)
ask if they need anything, especially the toilet!
recognise their name (both the name they use and their 'proper' name' - think Ben & Benjamin)
put on & take off their jumper/cardi
put on & take off their coat - doing it up
put on & do up their shoes
get changed in & out of PE gear (though most schools just have them wear PE gear all day for the first few months)

Can she do any/most/all of those?

If she can then the next thing is being able to follow instructions (and not just singular).

Honestly, reading and writing is not at the top of the list of things children need to be able to do when they start school

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 11/01/2013 06:43

Willaby - they have to be producing the right hormone for them to be able to do it, if he is it shouldn't be too big a deal, if he isn't then nothing will work. How keen is he to be dry at night? Is he a reward based child? If he is the much used star chart is good, stars for dry nights & 'oh dear, let's try again tonight' for not dry nights. If the right hormone is present it will probably only take a few nights, if it's not working, go back to pullups for a bit then try again.

tigersmummy · 11/01/2013 14:33

That's what they go to school for so don't worry. Teachers would much prefer a child to be able to use toilet independently, dress/undress at least partially, sit/listen etc than be miles ahead of their peers. DS started reception in sept, was always interested in reading books but couldn't actually read words himself. By Christmas he was steaming ahead with his school books. We ensure he has support at home with these things (and also writing numbers and letters as school said he wasn't as confident with this) but allowed the school to lead his learning. That's what they are there for after all.

FeralGirlCambs · 11/01/2013 15:52

I'm really amazed that this is an expectation anyone has BEFORE children go to school. But then I was amazed that it was normal to 'put one's name down' for local primary school's preschool when DC reach 18mo. Seems like I've got some learning about the world to do. Sigh.

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