Desperate: Reflux baby not settling in cot - at breaking point! Please help!!

[No1MummytoOtto]

Hi there,

I'm completely exhausted and in desperate need of any help and advice! Would be so grateful, thanks so much in advance! :)

My DS has silent reflux - has done since 2/3 weeks, (he is now 15 weeks) we're on Ranitidine - and was a great sleeper until 8 weeks, at which point (8 week jabs coupled with a cold that then developed into bronchiolitis) it all went out the window. He is now waking every 45 mins/1.5 hrs and that's only if I'm able to settle him in his Moses basket (nine times out of ten he wakes the second he is put down and the whole resettling process has to start all over again). He naps during the day, but only in my arms or in the pram if we're out and about, but has become the lightest sleeper and now the smallest sound/movement wakes him and he usually can't be resettled.

I'm at breaking point, I am just so tired. DH is beyond useless and I'm doing this all by myself, and I have read so much about silent reflux and feel I'm doing everything possible to ease the discomfort for him (elevating the cot bed, holding for 30 mins after feeding, frequent and gentle burbing), but nothing is working and he won't sleep except on me. I really don't want to do cosleeping (I think it's great for some but I would just be too worried about him and risk of SIDS).

I'm considering trying him on his tummy, which I've read can help but I'm so unsure about that for the same reason. Has anybody found this to have worked for them? Or anything else? I know this will ultimately get better but for now it seems unquestionably to be getting worse and I'm struggling to cope.

Thank you so much :)

Hello
No suggestion I'm afraid, but didn't want to see your post go unanswered. My best friend is struggling with similar issues with her DD who is 6 weeks old, so you have my sympathy.

Sorry to hear that... our DS2 had bad reflux (and projectile vomiting too) from birth to around 6 months, and then it settled down. I think it can be quite common for it to become better once they are getting solids.... but of course, this doesn't help much now if he is just 15 weeks, but it will get better. (I remember everyone telling me this, but I didn't believe them at the time, I was soooooo tired!)

It sounds like you are already doing all the recommended things - we did the elevated cot, various cushions to prop him at a more upright angle when feeding (have you tried that?), shorter feeds with burps in between, popping him into his bouncy chair for naps; but nothing really seemed to work; it just stopped around 6 months. (Actually, he still has reflux/indigestion aged 4, but it is much easier to deal with, and just means he burps a lot now!)

We did get a babybjorn sling which was brilliant (never needed it with DS1; but with DS2 I couldn't have done without it) - if you don't have a sling, could you try borrowing one from a friend, and see if he would settle in that. If he can, then you can try to get your DH (or other friends/relatives) to take him for a couple of hours and see if he will go to sleep on them instead of you.

We also found a dummy helped a bit (DS1 never had one, and I didn't really like the idea of DS2 having one); but it seemed to help him settle and lessen some of his apparent pain (or at least lesson his crying!)

A friend whose dd has reflux settles her to sleep on her side, with a cushion to stop her rolling onto her tummy, but a space for her to roll onto her back once asleep - they found this worked for them; but I never tried that.

Has your health visitor been helpful at all? You should be able to ask her for suggestions, as well as the GP, and she may have more time to talk to you or give you suggestions; you can usually also phone if you can't get to the clinic for weighing.

Hiya I know reflux can be a nightmare, has ur lo dosage of rantiadine been uped at all since been prescribed? Also during the day when ur with ur baby u can put to sleep on their tummy which will help sleep better at night as the stomach has had some settle time during the day. How r u feeding ur baby if u bottle feed, feed little and often and after every ounce give baby a break I know it can be long winded but it will help as ur baby won't have to deal with such large volume of milk in one go then won't produce as much acid. Also try dr browns bottles although they are for colic they slow the feeding down which my help, ( I say all this because I work with preterms who suffer with reflux all the time), like I say it may even just be that the meds need upping in line with baby's new weight hope this helps x

DD has silent reflux, we're 16 weeks today. Are you still swaddling? I've found this helps as she's less likely to startle herself getting her fists to her mouth. We also lie her leaned up against the side of the cot a bit, on her left side facing in IYSWIM, as this can also help reduce the amount of acid coming up. You could also prop a rolled towel under her right shoulder.

A sling will help but it's knackering - will he nap in the bouncer? We got a swing and it was great - more upright than the bouncer and gave my arms a break.

We've just got Ewan the Dream Sheep, and it seems to help in lengthening her naps.

I've also found if you get the daytime naps sorted, nights get better. Will he sleep in the car/pram? If so, get him out three times a day - killer for you but it pays of with a more settled night. We've also just started swimming - she passed out for 6 hours afterwards so maybe think about a late afternoon trip to the pool?

Long bath in the evening is also a good wind down. I give her small feeds from 4pm - kind of enforced cluster feeding, about every 45 mins - so she's tanked up but not full. We start bath at 5 and she's in bed by half 6, which I've found helps avoid the early evening screaming.

You have my sympathies, it's so hard.

DD1 started waking every 90 mins at about 15 weeks. Make sure the ranitidine dosage is correct for weight. Try putting your DS down to sleep on his left side (helps to close top of stomach). Is he teething? DD's reflux was worse when teething. I did not have any success with co-sleeping because the bed was flat so she was more sick.

Ultimately with DD it was a combination of weaning and just waiting for this phase to pass. It is hell, especially with no help. If it is any consolation, DD is now 4 and a great sleeper even though she still has reflux.

DD2 had silent reflux- I could have written your post almost word for word, including the bronchiolitis.I absolutely second the sling- having her on me with free arms was a lifesaver- she slept more in it and in the end we got a larger, man size one for DP and he was able to take her for walks at night so I could get a moment to sleep.

The only other things that we did that you haven't mentioned were
osteopathy- cranial osteopath was excellent and worth every penny; and restricted diet for me as DD was breastfed.

In the end I cut out dairy, gluten, caffeine (including chocolate, sob),high fat and highly acidic food, and that was the major difference for DD- might be worth a go if you think it could be a trigger- DD was a different child after that and while she still has reflux now (18 months); it is now much much better and hardly bothers her.

The diet change was an absolute PITA but it was 100% worth it and saved me from going totally insane.

good luck and fingers crossed for some relief soon.

My DD had reflux which went I think about 4 months but one day in sheer desperation I tried her on her tummy for a nap and she settled for 2 hrs (think she was about 5 weeks when I tried this) and after that all sleep was on her tummy.....shoot me now....I had her in my room til she was 6 mths and then she could roll about anyway so wasn't so worried.....

Is your baby having formula? If so you may wish to look into the possibility of cow's milk protein allergy. It presents almost identucally to reflux and can usually be solved with specialist formula.

If reflux there are more effective drugs yhan ranitidine - eg omeprazole.

Your DH needs to stop being useless. You poor thing.

A dummy really helped my son even though I had thought I would never buy one. He stopped using it once the reflux had gone.

Job 1, is look after yourself. Try putting in a shift system while this works it's course. My partner and I did this for a couple of weeks and although we weren't getting much sleep at least it was unbroken.

Also try simplifying, it's always tempting to add things to solve a situation but sometimes less is more, try removing all distractions, I have a small collection of "sleep aids" that are essentially worthless.

Although it can sound like a standard platitude but it WILL get better, promise.

You really need your DH's help here. I had similar issues with my first DC a few years ago. He would only sleep upright whilst being held. Raising the cot made no difference whatsoever. The only way I got through it was my DH taking him for 2 hours each evening (roughly 10 til midnight, I think) while I slept. He'd do the same in the early morning before he went to work. Would your DH really not do something similar for you?

Also, get the meds checked. There are other things you can give them in addition to / instead of Ranitidine. My DS saw a paediatrician regularly until he was almost 1.

Other things that helped us were cranial osteopathy (he slept 7 hours after his first session - admittedly a feat he didn't then repeat for months) and an Amby hammock. They've received some negative press but, used correctly, they can be wonderful for refluxy Velcro babies who like to be propped up and held. Not all babies like them though (my second - non-refluxy - baby didn't) plus they are expensive so worth seeing if you can borrow one from someone if you're tempted. I also used white noise (some sort of industrial recording on a CD - there are loads on iTunes) very loud, which he seemed to find soothing.

Re co-sleeping. I know you say you don't want to, which I understand, because I felt exactly the same as you, all I would say is that planned co-sleeping in a carefully prepared environment is miles safer than falling asleep in an exhausted stupor on a sofa or chair while clutching your baby. I did the latter several times before I decided I had no choice but to try co-sleeping. It didn't stop him waking up a lot but I felt much much much better not having to getup to attend to him. (And I relaxed so much about co-sleeping that I co-slept from birth with my next DC.)

Anyway, sorry this is long but I hope some of it is helpful even if it's just the knowledge that there are people out there who've been through it and survived.

I don't know about reflux in babies, but I do know about reflux (me) and my babies.... I suggest..
Get back to your gp. Check the dose of ranitidine. Baby might need gaviscon as well, or to try omeprazole or domperidone. If your GP is not helping get a 2nd opinion.
Both my DSs sleep better on their tummies, DS1 from 6 weeks, DS2 from 3 weeks. As do I, even when I was 8 month pregnant with terrible reflux.
Co sleeping? Maybe the comfort will help your baby and therefore your sleep.
Your DP is being a prat. Call him on it. I've just had to do the same with my DH. we're all tired. It's hard for all of us. WOH does not trump looking after babies all day (and night). If he cannot/ will not look after his child he needs to do everything else so you can: cooking, cleaning, shopping. Anything you can pay to get done, do it. Cleaner, laundry service, take always, night nurse? I've just got a weekly cleaner, and am going to get a night nurse initially as a one off, but longer term to help get DS2 into a routine. A short term luxury and expense we cannot really afford, but worth it long term.

We had an eat, activity, sleep 'routine' with DD and tried to keep her upright for a good 20-30 mins after feeding. We also introduced a dummy for sleeping, which seemed to make a difference. Having said that, though, I think it's worth another visit to the docs to see if the dosage needs tweaking.

And give your DH a slap upside the head. You need some support right now, OP.

DD was much happier when she could sit up and now she's weaned, it hardly ever bothers her, so there is light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck, OP.

We were desperate to avoid co-sleeping as didn't want to "create a rod for our back" but I have resigned myself to the fact that it is best for all. DD gets some sleep without regurgitating or choking and I also get some desperately needed shut eye. After reading countless articles on reflux and co-sleeping I've decided it's okay as long as you follow the guidelines and are low risk SIDS (non smoker, both parents don't drink, have them above covers etc) - well for me it's either co-sleep or no-sleep. Don't beat yourself up and don't let anyone else's opinion influence your decision.

Im BF'ing our DD and I've cut out most dairy, caffeine, green veg, onions, fruit (especially tomatoes) and spicy foods out of my diet and it has made a big difference (had spag bol for dinner the other night and then had 36 hours of hell afterwards because I forgot about tomatoes in the sauce!). It's a PITA but worth it for a more settled baby.

Baby Gaviscon made DD worse and I haven't been back to the doctors yet as I'm trying to manage things naturally. One other thing I find helps is try to prevent crying as that seems to bring the reflux on even worse, so feed on the first signs of hunger and cuddles where needed!

You aren't alone!

Have you tried soya milk? Wysoy I think it was called made by sma

I feel your pain - dd is 6 weeks old and has silent reflux, and total aversion to her crib. I too poo-poohed the idea of co-sleeping, but after several nights of accidental co-sleeping due to sheer exhaustion, I realised that instead of waking hourly she would go 3 hours easily. No longer fighting against it, but I do try to get her in her crib; just accept that sometimes it's better for you both to let your LO sleep with you. Good luck with it all.

ONe other thing - you mentioned tummy sleeping. Statistically, that is far more dangerous than safe co-sleeping. I wouldn't do tummy sleeping given its huge connection with SIDS. I know it's really, really hard - you know, you can get small clip-on breathing alarms that babies can wear on their nappies/ PJ bottoms and I think (may be wrong) because they are on the baby and not linked to the bed that they can be used on co-sleeping babies.

Oh...I did try DD on her front in her moses basket during the day while I could watch her closely she lasted 15 mins and then choked so it didn't work for us but worth trying in my opinion to see if it does work for you. Then you can make a decision, you can get monitors that monitor breathing so you always could use one of those if tummy sleeping does work for you.

By co-sleeping I mean DD on my chest I'd be worried about DH crushing her if she was on the mattress!

Hi. DD had silent reflux, I breastfed her but when she was prescribed Infant Gaviscon, I expressed enough milk to mix with in a bottle. I was lucky though in that she would take a bottle. Ask your GP to alter medication if it isn't effective.

I used to swaddle her in a muslim, and hold her until she was properly asleep. Don't think that when your DS jolts, he is waking, this is him actually going into the next sleep stage, so don't shush or jiggle him. Only then could I put DD down without her waking, which was probably 20 mins from her closing her eyes.

I used to put her in her car seat when I was exhausted, especially at night. At least she was propped up, and she did settle for a while.

When DD was feeding, I used to

You need to look after you too. Sleep when you can, even the odd half hour can help you. Don't have to go out every day, although fresh air might help DS sleep.

There is a Baby Whisperer episode on reflux, if you google you may find it.

Sorry, should have added, re the Baby Whisperer episode, Tracy Hogg gives all sorts of advice, on feeding, winding, safe sleeping positions etc

I can see that a lot of the suggestions that I was going to make have already been made. Swaddling, putting son slightly on his side, I took the moses basket off the stand and put it on the floor as son was quite large at birth and seemed to be unable to settle with it on the stand. We had a few cranial osteopathy sessions, got a sling so that I could get on with stuff during the day but keep him upright which made him more comfortable. It does pass, it feels nothing like it for you right now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You have my every sympathy, it's a hard thing to go through x

Wow, thank you all so much for your replies and advice - I can't tell you how comforting it is just knowing I'm not alone in this and that there are lots of other mums experiencing the same thing/nightmare! ;)

I have been using a dummy since quite early on; I wasn't really a fan of them TBH, but I've found them to invaluable as sucking seems to comfort poor DS during the night and offers him moments of much needed restbite during difficult feeds. I'm EBF and with regards his meds; I'm getting him weighed fortnightly and reporting weight gains to GP to ensure his Ranitidine dosage is always at the maximum it can be for his weight. We tried Omnepraxole, which was a total disaster (little one was on it for only 3 days - perhaps I should have stuck it out a little longer - but he would constantly cry himself to sleep and then wake up screaming in pain) so we went back on Ranitidine.

I will take him back to see GP this week to try and plan a new treatment strategy - thanks so much for the cranial oesteopathy tip!! That is definitely something I am going to look into! GP is very nice and sympathetic, but every conversation discussing DS's silent reflux - as with HV - is concluded by her saying that DS is gaining weight so she isn't worried, which is starting to bug me. I know weight gain is hugely important but surely there is more to a baby and his welfare than the rate at which his weight is increasing. We're going tomorrow for DS's next set of jabs so I'm preparing for a difficult night tomorrow.

I think I am going to test out DS napping in his tummy (at the moment he naps on me or in the pram when we're out) and buy a breathing monitor for some piece of mind.

Little on is sleeping tonight in his pram; only managing an hour or so independent sleep at a time, but God this is better than last night. Totally agree that DH needs to definitely up his game - things have been very stressful within our marriage since DS's arrival, which hasn't really helped.

Thank you again for all your comments and advice - really keeps me going!! Xx

I coslept with my silent refluxers (2 of them!). Dd, the youngest, is now 13 months and sleeps in her cot no problem. You're also dealing with the huge 4 month sleep regression and growth spurts etc so a lot to fight!

I have said here before if soooo many babies are having this reflux silent or otherwise why is it not being investigated? My grandson had it until it was diagnosed that actually he could not digest milk. Changing the milk was a new world. But to this day he cannot tolerate milk unless lactose free. Also try putting baby on his side leaning back a bit into a soft rolled towel It really does help. And really think about changing the milk. it cant do any harm. good luck

Latootle has a good point, I think a lot of milk allergy is misdiagnosed as reflux. Breastfed babies can have milk allergy too, as the proteins can be passed through the breastmilk. It is often worth doing an exclusion diet (strictly eliminating all milk and soy products, not even consuming things like whey powder). I SO wish I had done this with my DS as it would have saved a great deal of heartache as it was finally established that he was allergic to milk in the end.

GPs and health visitors don't often seem to be well informed about reflux and milk alelrgy, often conflating the latter with lactose intolerance (which is far, far rarer in very young infants and presents with different symptoms).

I would advise doing some research on tummy sleeping before you try it. I know you're desperate and I know lots of people do do this (especially with reflux babies) but the plain fact is that since the 'back to sleep' campaign was launched the SIDS rate has fallen very dramatically. Babies sleep better on their front because they sleep deeper and one theory is that they consequently sometimes forget to breathe. I am not trying to scare you, I just want you to be informed of the facts. I know two people who have experienced SIDS and it is, as you would expect, devestating. Monitor manufacturers explicitly state that their products don't prevent SIDS.