My 9 year old struggles with feeling out of control with all sorts of situations. She is a real perfectionist and most of the time gets everything right, but gets anxious and opts out if she feels she might get something less than perfect. Homework can be a nightmare - she will take ages and tantrum over the slightest thing. Some homeworks are online; if she gets one Maths question wrong, she starts again - if we let her, it will go on for hours. She is a perfectionist over what she wears, which tbh I just let her get on with - one battle not worth fighting. She seems to need to feel in control and sometimes it affects the rest of the family - for example, she likes to control who uses the bathroom in the morning. We have one bathroom/toilet and she will lock herself in for over half an hour in the morning, so no one else can get ready - her dad has to leave work before eight, as he is a teacher and she seems to thrive on the stress she creates and uses it as an excuse to shout and yell. This has been going on for 3 years, sanctions and rewards work short term, but things go back to the way they were after about a week. However much time we give her, she always leaves getting ready until the last minute - we are never actually late (that wouldn't fit in with her image!) but I always feel stressed, even though most of the time I am calm outwardly. I understand her need to have some control over her life and try to insist only on the important things and although she is a high achiever, we have never pushed her or made her feel she needs to achieve to please us (I hope!). What is worrying me now is that she has started using food as a way of being in control, often threatening not to eat to get her own way. She has always been a good eater, although quite focused on healthy eating. Should I try to encourage her to eat or not make a battle of it? I work with children with emotional/behavioural issues - sometimes I wonder if I read too much into things!