Toilet refusal hell.

[dogsagoodun]

I have buried my head in the sand over this and now really need some help.

My ds is five. He toilet trained very easily at two and a half. Since that time we have had a nightmare actually getting him to go to the toilet. He has an incredible capacity to hold his bladder often going eight hours or so without going to the toilet. He never has accidents but will leave it til the last possible moment.

Aside from the obvious health implications of of holding his wee for so long it is also having a huge impact on his behaviour. The more desperate he gets the more his behaviour spirals out of control. He becomes impossible to handle. It is particularly having a huge impact on bedtime at the moment which is turning into a nightly epic battle.

Please help. What can I try? Anyone else experienced this? I know in the grand scheme of things this may sound very trivial but it is really having a huge impact on family life!

What happens when you try and get him to go? Have you tried bribery?

We have tried everything. Bribary. Turning it into a game. Sticker charts. We get the same response each time. "I Dont need a wee" Despite the fact he is hopping around like mad! He must be incredibly uncomfortable at times but will swear til he is blue in the face that he does not need to go!

Sorry, have no experience of this but can you turn it into a game? I'm sure I read on here ages ago that you can get "targets" for little boys to "aim" for in the toilet bowl? Can't really remember how they work or anything but it might take his mind off why he doesn't like the toilet? Good luck!

Something like these: heat sensitive targets for boys???

Have you tried taking off the pressure 100% and not asking AT ALL if he needs a wee and letting him take charge? It might take a few days but if it has become about a battle of wills, it might do the trick? My DD 3 will only go when instigated by her, rarely when I ask her to have a go.

We have tried that but to be honest not for a while. It may be time to give that approach another go.

Those stickers look great. Will definitely give those a go too.

Thanks for all the great ideas. I am really struggling with this and with dd2 only three weeks old I need it sorting soon!

Reminds me of my current food refusal hell with my dd.

Can you first check for a UTI which makes it painful for him to go?

Otherwise maybe just stop asking and reminding. Leave the door open when you or partner pee so he can see it's normal but otherwise just leave him to it. Ignore the hopping and jumping etc or ask him to leave the room (or leave yourself?)

Daresay after a few accidents he will get it?

Yes I thought an appointment with the doctor might be a good idea.

Lots of great advice here!

Am sure you have, but have you tried competitive? If ds won't go (and dd2 this worked very well for too) I'll say "fine, I can do a bigger wee/first wee/get on the toilet first" Usually they rush to the toilet to prove me wrong.

I had this problem with my DS but it was for a shorter time and he was a bit younger. The doctor checked him for a UTI by feeling his stomach and we also had to hand a sample into the surgery (very difficult for me to get a sample from him!). Things got better after that. Not sure why, I think I backed off and just left him to it. Eventually he just gave in and started going to the toilet normally. I think he was the last one in his class to be toilet trained. It was a really stressful experience for both me and him so I really do sympathise with you op. Good luck.

Thanks tacal. It does.help to know I am not alone. It really is an awful situation.

DeWe, yes we have tried the competitive thing. It did work for a while but not so much any more. He is the most stubborn child!