Over critical grandparents causing us to doubt ourselves- advice needed!!

[mummy2lola]

Hi there! We are parents to our dd who is 2 months. It's been a tough 2 months of little sleep & dealing with silent reflux & things are gradually settling down a bit ( dd is on sma staydown, ranitidine, and dompeidone for reflux)
My parents have mentioned something that has caused us to very much doubt ourselves as parents, and I'd really appreciate some honest feedback.
Because of the reflux we make sure we wind dd every ounce throughout her bottle (she is ff) to get rid of trapped wind. Upon staying with my parents over Christmas and my partner feeding and winding dd, my parents passed comment that they thought my partner was winding dd too hard, and that it made them both feel"physically sick"
I thought this was a gross overreaction, as dd wasn't crying whilst being winded, and generally when you pat their back to bring up wind, it sounds a lot more forceful than you are actually patting. I witnessed the winding of dd, and I wasn't concerned & she brought up some good wind and wasn't crying at all throughout the process ( which I assume she would do if she was being battered, as was suggested)
Also, sometimes my partner gently ( and I mean greatly) bounces baby up and down on his knee, as the movement seems to settle her' and she even smiles whilst this is being done. ,y mother thought that this was disgusting, and accused my partner of potentially brain damaging baby, which worried him so much he now feels like he can't feed, wind and do things with baby, and has come home and researched baby shaking syndrome to mak sure he isn't doing any wrong. I'm a very honest woman, and if he was being forceful with baby and a bit Roy, I'd say so- how should I deal with these accusations from my parents, as they make us both feel awful, and doubt ourselves as parents, when deep down we now we are doing a brilliant job.
Needless to say, my parents have always tried to find fault with my partner, so I guess they might just be picking holes, but I'm really fed up of the accusations behind my partners back the ti have to hear from them both. Any views, suggestions,or ideas on how to tackle this. Would be greatly appreciated. Mmy thanks x

your last para is a give away IMO

your parents are always trying to find fault

shaking a baby forcefully, throwing them up in the air roughly etc can potentially brain damage a baby

gently bouncing or winding a baby by rubbing their back won't

i think you need to call them on it TBH - doesn't have to be in a dramatic way but you can let them know it hasn't escaped your notice they don't like your DP and you have no problems with him

You as parents know what your baby needs. Her reactions tell you everything. Your parents are not being helpful and it sounds like you need to talk to them and tell them firmly to stop their criticisms of your partner as you don't want to hear it. Be a forceful woman and stand up to them, if they don't change tell them you will leave (or ask them to leave) if they continue. Time for them to start respecting your family. Best of luck!

It's your baby, you're a normal living mother not an abusive one, so trust your instincts on whether he's being too rough or not! It sounds doubtful to me.

And have you ever seen midwives handle babies? They're so ruthlessly efficient it sometimes verges on rough, it appalled me with my newborn pfb but apparently they're sturdier than they look.

The baby would be crying if it was too rough, tell your parents to stop being so critical, you're both still learning anyway!

It sounds like you are doing nothing wrong. Ignore them as far as possible, maybe tell them "that's just the way we do things"and change the subject.

Normal "loving" mother, not living!

Well, it sounds like you are hugely conscientious parents who adore their little DD.

Just tell them that you have checked and are happy with what you are doing.

Having said that, has someone shown you the different positions that are helpful for winding? I also found that rubbing the back could also work quite well, as opposed to patting.

I was shocked when the midwife winded my PFB in hospital and mini karate didn't mind at all!! I am sure that if your happy, then it's fine.

Red flag alert! You need to pull them up about this now, before they're undermining your dh in front of a child who's old enough to understand. Not to mention how the two of you must be feeling when you're having a tough time of it to start with. I wish I'd pulled my parents up about the undermining thing years ago, because if you don't, it just gets worse.
Sounds like you are doing a great job as parents btw. Hang on in there!

Thank you for your replies- your opinions are so much appreciated. We have even asked other family and friends to watch us wind dd and see how my partner bounces her on his knee, and everybody we've asked an opinion from has said there's nothing wrong with what we're doing. I agree, midwives seem a bit rough with babies, but we're both a gentle soulless who care a huge deal about our little dd, which is why these comments hurt us so much.

I thought that if we were doing something wrong, baby would cry if she was being winded too hard & also if she didn't like being bounced on her dads knee- instead she's silent when being winded, sometimes asleep!!!! And when she's on her dads knee, she smiles for gods sake!!!!

Thanks everyone. We tend to wind baby by rubbing back in circles, whilst she's in the sitting position, keeping her back straight and pushing the wind upwards, and then we pat, and she lets out a giant burp! E're hardly hurting her....more causing her relief from wind!!!! I just upsets us being accused, as we thought if we were hurting baby she would cry when being winded, but instead she is silent, and sometimes even asleep & when she's being bounced on dads knee she's smiling!!!!!

Oh the relief of those burps is wonderful!

Lol! It must be a great relief, as she does a giant contented sigh after! Hardly a baby that's being eaten up! Hate interfering people!