I have also posted in chat for increase in traffic.
My DS is 1. MY dd is 5.5 She's bright, articulate, funny and wonderful but she is jealous as hell of her brother. It's making her sad.
She isn't overly nasty to him, but she will get the odd dig in if she thinks i'm not looking but that kind of behavior I can deal with but the sadness is overwhelming. She clearly loves him and there a wonderful times when they play nicely together and shes fab with him, a great little helper and they make each other laugh so much.
We went swimming today with 2 good friends who have similar age children and they had a lovely time but these two friends live next door to each other so they often leave at the same time as each other. Leaving them is often a trigger point for her which i'm aware of but today because I put her brother in his car seat and strapped him in first she made a scene. The fact that she is old enough and perfectly capable of opening the car door herself, getting into her car seat, hats what i asked her to do. Because i wouldn't do it for her she just lost it. She often pretends to be a baby or copies her brother.
I then had to spend 20 minutes calming her down standing outside the car with her brother in my arms talking to her through the window because her howling and crying was so loud it was frightening him. I'd tried taking her out of the car and giving her a cuddle and a calm down chat but he working himself into a choking tizzy. I even had people in the car park coming up to me to see if everything was alright. Mortified.
It's not really been a problem before these holidays but while she has been home over christmas he has started walking and it's like she transformed her whole relationship toward him.
Everytime the smallest thing doesn't go her way, she starts and these episodes always ends with her telling me how she remembers the nice times she had with mummy before he came along, she loves Mummy and daddy more than him.
She will cry huge wracking sobs over the smallest slight. She cant stop crying once she starts so these sessions go on for 30 minutes or more. She has had me in tears that many times in the last few days. and I'm starting to fine myself getting angry and starting to shout, I know it's not helpful but I have doggedly tried every thing else i can think-I just don't know what else to do.
I have tried rewards, i have tried babying her and giving into her that way, talking, explaining, listening, giving her 1-2-1 time, over the holidays we have played cards and games, baked, done arts and crafts, watched dvd's, had tea and biscuits, gone to a cafe, gone to the park and cinema alone, had mummy daughter shared baths and i have played with her. I do her bed time every night while DH does the baby. I consistently praise her and I tell her how proud of her and I love her every single day. But she wants more from me than is practical to give now I have a baby who is breastfed. He's not a great sleeper, only has short day naps but his routine is good and were getting there. The 1-2-1 time is becoming a chore because she always plays up as soon as its over and finds something to be silly over.
Has anybody got anything they can say to help, any book we could read together? Any books I can read to help? (I have read "how to talk so children will listen")
I'm considering a psychologist right now because I am simply at my wits end. I am so tired all the time i'm not being the best i can be.
Everybody told me it would be easier the 2nd time round. They lied. The baby stuff is easier but it's certainly not easier with 2.
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Add message | Report | Message poster gregssausageroll Thu 03-Jan-13 20:38:16