Submissive 8 year old girl

[happymummy44]

Hi. Our 8 year old girl is a beautiful, kind, sharing and caring child. She is struggling with relationships at school (all girls). The other girls say unkind things to her and she tries hard to answer back but just can't seem to stand up for herself. Her sister tries to help her with role play at home but she just can't seem to confidently reply without feeling sad and awkward. We bought various books "Knowing what to say" and "Stand up for yourself" which help for a bit but when things get tough she gets sad. We tell her that we will always support her and that she is great and lovely and good at lots of things. I've also been into school a few times and her teacher is great but I know that she needs some ways of being brave and standing up for herself. Any thoughts on how to help....? x

I wouldn't describe her as submissive.

My DD is by no means submissive, but avoids such girls by spending her time with the boys (there are some lovely gentle boys in her class she is particularly good friends with).

Is it an all girls school? Are the classes small?

It sounds to me as though she needs to find a good friend who won't say unkind things to her, and just walk away and ignore the mean girls.

She sounds like a lovely little girl, btw.

What does she say about it herself? Sounds like she's a lovely, gentle soul. My DD1 was like that and she used to say she had a forcefield around her and nothing could get under her skin. She made better friendships with boys too - at that age they seemed a bit steadier than the girls with their endless chopping and changing in friendship groups.

Thanks for your posts. You're right. Submissive isn't the right way to describe her just perhaps quiet and kind. It's a girls school with v small classes. I gather the other girls say mean stuff in class then ask DD to play in the playground. Our DD then can't understand how they could be so mean then want to play. The other girls have even said mean stuff to her when she's won school prizes.... they just seem to find every angle to be mean.

I went to an all girls school I was dreadfully unhappy until I left at 16 - it doesn't suit everyone - seriously my advice is to move her - mum couldn't fix anything so I started hiding my unhappiness - to this day she doesn't know how miserable I was.

I wish you were near me because I also have an 8 year old DD who is so nice that she just doesn't get the "mean girl" thing. Nor do I want her to! My DD has found that Brownies has been amazing for her as it's all based on being kind and supportive...we found a lovely group near to us and she's blossomed with similar girls.

Thx so much for your posts. Mrs Mushroom... it would have been great to get our DDs together!! Thx again.

Happymummy44 ... I am facing the same thing with my DD. She is 7 totally sweet, gentle and kind & the youngest in her class, so emotionally less developed than nearly all the girls who have gone on to cliques and whispering games and others that thrive on excluding others ... 'running away from my DD' was a game I witnessed. (Grr...) She gets upset but forgives easily. Is this something we just have to put up with?

She sounds a bit like my dd1. We were looking into private schools (through scholarship) but decided against it as it would be 'all girls'. Dd1's best friends are boys, she rarely has anything to do with the girls. I think your dd may continue to struggle when she's in a all girl school, i'm sorry to say it but if i was you i would send her to a mixed school.

Shouldn't the teacher be concentrating on trying to stop the girls being mean to each other really? Then there wouldn't be a problem

See thread on bullying - this is bullying. She will need to stand up to them - it is the only way, but sounds like yet another rubbish school if they arent doing anything about it.