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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Mummy's girl: how can we improve association to daddy?

14 replies

LaCiccolina · 02/01/2013 19:43

Dd is recently 2. She was bf for 14mths and has always been since very early quite patently a mummy's girl. She is very affectionate to me. Sits on my knee, asks for "mummy do it" all the time. I am sahm. She goes to nursery 2 days per week.

She can be quite mean to daddy (we are married/living together so he's about quite a bit). She will kick up a fuss if daddy tries to help. Isn't keen to read on his knee. Can slap him away. Cries and begs "no daddy" on occaision.

Actually I find all this extremely painful to watch. He's a very good dh and daddy and is a very cuddly nice daddy. He works fortunately decent hours and is extremely generous to her with presents etc. we are close and love each other very much. Id thought that eould just create comfort in her, doesnt seem too. :(

Tonight she actually made him cry because she refused and cried and stamped feet that she didn't wSnt him to play with us at bath time.

I tried to explain that she's upset daddy. She did notice and cuddled him when she saw tears. She can be if she wants very nice to him. It's just very rare. I'm concerned as I have dd2 in 18 days. I'm beginning to be very worried about how she's going to react a) with dd2 b) me c) daddy.

Anyone had similar? What could we try?

The thing is I'm really unsure Also if she's actually pretty normal and young girls learn to love daddy's. That its not as instinctual as mummy's generally? Anyone know? Could be its an average thing and we don't know so expecting both of us to be equal we are setting ourselves up for more disappointment. Dunno, just a thought....clinging to all hope!

Whose got daughters then? We need experience and help! Thank you

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HalleLouja · 02/01/2013 19:58

She will change over time my ds was a proper mummy's boy. When he was 2 1/2 he suddenly changed and became more equal. It's just the way it is sometimes. Dd is a mummy's girl but is starting to even out.

HalleLouja · 02/01/2013 19:59

She may become more clingy when the baby comes too as it will be a shock to the system. Just go with it.

sedgieloo · 02/01/2013 20:02

I can only tell you that my dd was a bit like this...until I had ds a few weeks ago. My dh naturally became much more involved with her during paternity leave and now on weekends and he handles bath and bed whist ds does his fussy cluster feed marathon session. If anything she is now favouring him.

Be prepared for a possible rough few weeks when dc2 arrives. It was for us anyway! It's a huge change for the whole family bit her having to share mummy was tough.

In the meantime can he take her for some trips out of a weekend little treats her and dad. It may help.

N0tinmylife · 02/01/2013 20:04

I don't have daughters but my DS has always been a bit of a Mummy's boy. I would suggest don't make a big deal of it, and make sure your DH does do things with her on his own. If you can be "busy" so that she has no choice but to do bathtime or whatever with her Dad. I'll bet once you are out of sight she will have a great time!

fraktion · 02/01/2013 20:09

DS is an only and was very much a Mummy's boy but he's evened out to the point of preferring Daddy for some things.

3smellysocks · 02/01/2013 20:27

He is behaving in a needy way and she is enjoying the control. He needs to just have lots of silly fun with her and not make an issue out of having cuddles. He should just make her laugh and make everything daft. He could pretend to be a cute monster about to eat her or a licky badly behaved dog. He could fly into the lounge looking for passengers to travel on his back.

Iggly · 02/01/2013 20:30

Yes your DH should not be taking this personally. It's what toddlers do. And it will switch to the other way. I mean crying seems a bit extreme (my ds has been like this and it got worse when baby arrived)..?

Iggly · 02/01/2013 20:31

Also giving presents shouldn't count towards your DD's affection as mentioned in the OP..? Not sure why that matters?

Original poster

LaCiccolina · 02/01/2013 21:22

Iggly it's extremely personal to see as it is very hurtful. Frankly I'm glad it caused tears as a lot of what I see here is dead beat dads. Arseholes who hurt, lie, abuse and worse. I was merely trying to illustrate that whatever else dh might be, he most definately is not one of those dads and I presently thank my lucky stars for that.

It seems it might be normal level behaviour then? Well that's good. Agreed, need more silly time perhaps and I can disappear a bit. Like some of the games ideas. Will mention. Any other thoughts I'd appreciate them. Thanks all

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EverybodysSnowyEyed · 02/01/2013 21:31

Do they do anything alone together?

My dd is same age and a mummy's girl. Dh takes her to a class every weekend and they go to the park together. When the chips are down she still wants me but she loves her daddy and being with him!

SavoyCabbage · 02/01/2013 21:33

I think like smellysocks that he should up the fun quota forba while. He obviously can't help his emotions or change his personality if that's not who he is naturally, but there is a bit of ham-acting involved with parenting sometimes.

I have two dds and they want nothing to do with me at all once their dad is home. Can he not just scoop her away for her bath. Then she wouldn't be able to say she didn't want her daddy to join in as you wouldn't be there. Bath might be a good thing for him to become in charge of.

I once saw on Dr Phil that it's a good idea to have one special thing that only you do with a child. So a book that only he reads to her or a game of tiddlywinks because he was the king of tiddlywinks when he was seven.

Iggly · 02/01/2013 21:43

Ds has done all of this but we don't react to it. Just treat it in a light hearted way do he knows it doesn't get the reaction. So I'll say ok, then will do it or vice versa.

BlablaSos · 03/01/2013 20:33

My dd is exactly the same, but she is still only 15 months, according to my DH she is totally different when I'm not there.
My dd has now started clinging to her nan and crying when I come to take her back - the little monkey!

Jakeyblueblue · 03/01/2013 22:51

My ds is the same. He's still bf at 18 months and I do wonder if this is one of the reasons for it. I'd second the getting her to do stuff on her own with him. Ds is fine with dh if I'm not around, he's also fine when I'm at work! At this age they get very clever and know exactly what gets them what they want!

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