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My children are just unbearable and I am at my wits end!!!!!!

16 replies

plum100 · 02/01/2013 11:47

They are dd1 8, dd2 5 and dd3 ,2 - and they are driving me nuts.

They don't do particularly 'naughty' things , they just constantly wind each other up. For example - both laying on the couch and one is secretly trying to kick the other , only gently , but keeps going until dd1 shouts at her. Then its time to get ready - i have been letting them watch a bit of tv in the mornings as there is no school - and I get totally ingnored when I say tv off - so i turn it off and get told - 'what did you do that for - you need to ask before you do that' to which I reply - ' No I dont its my house, and I did ask you to turn it off.' ' to which dd1 replies 'no its daddy's house'. I dont want to be drawn into arguements.

another example - there is crying as dd1 is sat on dd2;s bed as she gets ready - they have bunk beds. Constant 'get off get off get offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff' . Then its time for teeth - dd2 lies and she said she had done hers when she hadnt so I took her in to do them and she refused to open her mouth . Then I have told her to lie down on her bed and have a rest and a think as i think shes very tired and she just point blank refuses. They are just uncooperative , unhelpful and rude all the time. I get lots of huffing, big sighs, arms folded and 'yeah, so?' which I think is just so rude. They just think its fine to refuse to do as they are told.

But my main bug bear is that all this goes on in front of dd3 who now also huffs and strops around and they are all so awful I am ashamed and embarrassed to go out. The older two are now upstairs as i have said their behaviour towards each other and the way they speak to me is so awful that I do not want the little one to see so they can just stay up there so she doesnt see it.

please helpme xx

OP posts:
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MrsMushroom · 02/01/2013 11:59

It all sounds normal. Mine are 8 and 4..also DDs. DH and I have a new way of dealing wth them fighting...unless there is blood or a real fight, then we ignore them.

We think it's important to let them find a balance...if one is bugging the other on purpose by niggling, then I tell that one to leave the room. If she doesn't then she's firmly escorted out.

If they do the "yeah so" or "i'ts Daddy's house" I threaten them with removal of fave items...for being cheeky...then I do remove the items.

MadameWattinger · 02/01/2013 23:48

You are not alone!
I could have written your post. Mine are 6, 4 and 2 and it's a similar story with us.
We've had some success with the fantastic '1-2-3 Magic' book but the 6 yr old is still really defiant and the younger ones are starting to copy...
Divide and conquer works well at the weekends when my husband is home, but it's sad that it comes to that when we should be enjoying family time together Sad
I think/hope it might just be normal.

ZebraInHiding · 03/01/2013 00:01

Watching with interest as we have the same age gaps and similar issues!

MrsShrek3 · 03/01/2013 00:09

aren't they all like that at this time of year? huge excitement build up to Christmas, then no matter what they got present wise they went hyper with it, now they're all knackered and bickering. we have resorted to them having to earn privileges including choice on tv and trips out, by standard of behaviour and earning extra bonus points fir being kind or helpful beyond what is expected. Normal basic expectation i.e. being polite and doing basic tidy own room and make own bed doesn't get bonus points [evil mother] Wink fwiw mine 11,9+7

BeaWheesht · 03/01/2013 00:13

Sorry but normal . I have ds (just turned 6) and dd (2y3m) and they fight non stop - tbh dd is worse - she nips an scratches but ds is a sneaky sod and will press down on her fingers or just fidget enough to annoy her.

It does my bloody head in and they do get disciplined for it but I've started to leave them to it a bit as well.

I honestly think all this is good for them though, really.

deluded

maxmillie · 03/01/2013 00:13

Me too 3 ds exact same age and the constant bickering between the older two and me shouting at them really worries me for the 2y old - he shouts at the cats and sounds just like me!

The older 2 didnt have all the bickering/shouting at that age - does worry me. Dunno what answer is. All I do is send them to separate bedrooms when it gets too much, same as you.

RyleDup · 03/01/2013 00:14

Sounds like my kids. Thank goodness school is starting again soon.

duchesse · 03/01/2013 00:19

May I suggest some basic positive classroom management techniques plus some other stuff I've found useful along the way?

Mean what you say. Do not issue vague or impossible to carry out threats. Carry through. eg, If the television is the problem and interfering with the morning routine, switch off the television and ban it for following day. They have to do the crucial things (like getting dressed) before they do the fun things.

Don't raise your voice, drop it the crosser you get, both in volume and pitch. You won't get a sore throat and they will respect you more for keeping your calm.

Try giving a sweet to the first child to do what you say. Not the second, or the third, only the first Very surprisingly effective even in a class of 30 unruly 15 year olds.

With my children I introduced a "points" system which was surprisingly effective. You may to defer this until the children are listening to you again (and they will, have no fear). Basically every child starts with 10 "points" in the morning. 1, 2 or 3 points are added and deducted to the total whenever the children do something praiseworthy or reprehensible (depending on your view of what is praiseworthy or reprehensible). So for example, helping your sister find her shoes--> 1 point added, pulling your sister's hair, deduct 2 points, etc etc. At the end of the day, those with 10 points or more had a flake on their ice-cream. The others just had ice-cream. The point of this was not to divide the children too much- if one/some had had ice-cream with a flake and others nothing, resentment would have built up and they would have rebelled.

"Good deed bad deed" jars. My friend did this but I'm not sure how effective it was. Involves beads/pebbles etc in two separate jars and treats when the good deeds outnumber the bad.

At all costs avoid tarring them all with the same brush! Do not issue "class punishments". Avoid also issuing public dressings down. Speak quietly and confidentially to the problematic child and make sure they know you mean it.

Do not overlook the same behaviour in one child that you pick up on in another. Age is no excuse- they are all working towards the same goal regardless of age.

Get out of the house and to the park/walk every single day without fail, even in poor weather! Exercise the little sods cherubs into tiredness.

GOOD LUCK! It's really hard but you will manage. Underneath this inchoate poor behaviour are some loving and well-behaved children. They just need to find their way out.

maxmillie · 03/01/2013 00:44

you are so right about not shouting - so hard though!

Today when they were moaning about their food, I wasn't really angry as I thought, I don't care, they are going to eat this lunch or have nothing, I simply told them quietly and chirpily you are having this or nothing then made myself a cup of tea and ignored the whining - and by jove they ate it! (was something they both "hate")

Kickarsequeen · 03/01/2013 00:55

Duchesse, good to see you and even better to read your sage advice, I've been having a v bad day! :)

pumpkinsweetieMasPudding · 03/01/2013 01:03

You are not alone op, it's all normal.
I have a 9yo, 6yo, 4yo & 2yo and dc are also acting up at the moment.
I think it's where their intial excitment about Christmas is over and the fixation on the gifts has stopped...
So what do they do best, fight and argue about pretty much everything really. Like yours my eldest 2 will secretly kick/hit eachother & wind eacgother up over petty things and the younger 2 fight over one toy/game just because the other has it.

It's back to school next week, although i'll be glad of the peace, i'm going to miss them very much, especially our days in watching Netflix all cosy under a duvet and our baking and making days..

CaHoHoHootz · 03/01/2013 01:24

Sounds familiar..... Confused

Mine were often like that, thankfully they are now all older and have turned into lovely teens/young adults who are a pleasure to have around. I guess you have to wait it out Grin

There is no magic answer but here are some random thought

be VERY consistant.

Praise them a lot and talk to them about why they need to behave well.

My DC's loved to play on the computer so I always told them I would 'remove their computer privilages' if they were naughty and I did when nessecery.

Try and let them have there own space. Three year olds can be very annoying at the best of times. Siblings should help by playing with them but they should be able to play on their own too.

Try and make sure you and your DH/DP set a good example, ie very polite and respectful of others.

Good luck. Smile

lorisparkle · 03/01/2013 21:24

I got the book 'calmer, easier,happier parenting' and it gives some great ideas for these ages. I have 3ds - 6,4 and 2 and if I work hard at the suggestions in the book things are so much easier! it is good to hear that mine are not the only children who behave like that though!

ThreeBeeOneGee · 03/01/2013 21:27

This sounds very normal to me, too. My children (12, 10, 8 and 8) aren't badly behaved but there is a lot of low-level silliness and winding each other up, particularly towards the end of the school holidays.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 03/01/2013 21:31

I do expect them to speak to me respectfully though. We use 1-2-3 magic and rudeness and disobedience would definitely get 'counted'.

We did a thing called 'starry skies' recently, where they could award each other stars for kindness and consideration (all stars went on the same board so collaborative rather than competitive). When I do see them being kind towards one another, I try to make a big deal of it.

doughnut44 · 03/01/2013 23:06

yep all normal. I have 3 siblings who all were awful to me growing up but as it was the age that we were mostly playing outside, my parents didn't see it. Taught me to stick up for myself!

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