Toddler taming/training advice please (sorry, quite long)

[NotGeoffVader]

Although DD isn't yet two, (23 months)she has already got into the 'terrible' phase. Little tantrums when she can't have her own way, throwing/kicking things around (ditto) and answering everything with 'no'.

We live in a very small flat (one bedroom) and have no safe 'naughty step' or anywhere to put her to stand in the hall.

We did start with a 'naughty spot' but she won't stay on it.

We had three months of waking in the small hours (Sept- Dec), broken by a blissful week of sleeping right through. Bedtime routine is washing face & hands, getting into babygrow, milk, a story and cuddles, clean teeth, then cot. Dummy too, with backups for when she wakes up...which is now what we're back to. Not just waking. Standing up in the cot, grizzling and crying. I've checked that she's not too hot/too cold, etc.

It seems to just be case that she wants to come into our bed, as if either of us go over to her, she wants to be picked up. We've done picking up, soothing, putting back down. We've tried controlled crying, but in a very small flat, and in the middle of the night, this isn't really feasible.

I have spent the last three nights laying on the floor beside her rather than pick her up and bring her in with us.

DH works most days and needs to be up and out at a reasonable hour. Last night he resorted to laying on the sofa (5ft long, he's 6' 3") just to get some sleep.

I'm home most days with her, and although we do go out and about, go for walks, do active and creative play, and plenty of talking and reading. She's fairly advanced with basic skills, so I am guessing this is a case of testing boundaries, gaining more independence etc.

I'm doing my best to stay calm but the constant whining and stropping (combined with interrupted sleep) is wearing me down. I'm starting to get more stressed as I have exams to sit in two weeks time and so far have managed no revision whatsoever as the day nursery is closed over the festive period.

We don't have any local parenting groups, and none of my friends locally have children of a similar age, so there's not much support on tap.

If you've got this far, thankyou! Other than chloroform, any suggestions are very welcome. :)

I do feel for you, we have fairly similar at home now, are you sure she isn't teething?

My dd (20 months) is currently having a tough time with teething, her bottom 2 canines are just cutting and I think she dreads going to sleep, for the last week or so she started really playing up at bedtime and would not settle, as soon as I give her some ibuprofen she settles straight down and sleeps right through.

The teeth they get at this stage are the worse, canines and molars.

I hope you get it sorted.

The tantrums sound normal, but the lack of sleep must make them seem worse. My DD always says No to everything, but I'm not sure she actually means no, its just a good word and I say it to her all the time to stop her from doing naughty things.

Molars? They were horrid.

Also the shit sleep effects her too. Ds was whiny and grumpy because he was tired, ill, hungry etc. so we made sure he was well fed, got decent naps and we didn't expect too much of him. She's very young!!

I'd still be going with distraction and positive reinforcement not naughty steps at this age. Avoid situations which might result in tantrums if you can.

Thanks Party - the teething is potentially an issue but she has pretty much all of hers now. She has had a cold during the last week so is a bit more snuffly than usual, but even neurofen isn't really helping with the sleep.

I realise 'no' is just an attractive word but it's so bloody annoying.

We realised we said no too much because ds rarely said yes!! Felt a bit and :( so got more positive which made things nicer and easier.

I think she's too young at 23 months for a naughty step approach, anyway. It's best for age 3+.

Sorry am no help, I would end up camped on her floor most nights.

Thanks to all those who've answered so far. I am trying with the positive reinforcement and trying to ignore the bad behaviour but it's hard work! I have just started to say 'okay then' when we get a barrage of no's and then walk away. Ditto tantrums.

(Today I asked her to come with me for a nappy change, to which I got several nos'. So I just said, "Okay then, I'll change your nappy without you" and headed off with a clean nappy in my hand. Cue DD running behind me saying 'yes, yes'. I think world of crazy is going to define our next few months).

On the plus side, she's now been asleep about an hour and a half, I've had a half glass of wine, and nursery is open on Thursday, so perhaps there is a light at the end of the tunnel. :)

Parents of more than one child, I salute you!!