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5yo ds driving me mad...

6 replies

lucylookout · 01/01/2013 19:31

DS has always been extremely lively, confident, boisterous etc etc but recently his behaviour has become quite unbearable and downright irritating. He does not do anything, ANYTHING when we ask him to/not to. When he then gets told off he just says 'I didn't hear you'. Or "I didn't Know', or 'I forgot', He says sorry, but insincerely. He's impervious to either rewards (I started a 'pasta jar' where pasta got put in for good behaviour and if he got over a certain amount by the weekend he would have got a special treat) or punishment (taking fave toys away, not letting him watch TV, going to his room to 'think').
It's hard to say exactly what he does but everything seems to happen at 100 miles an hour. I went to the shops with him yesterday and he pulled his wooly hat over his eyes and tried to scoot through people on the pavement. I told him not to, to come and scoot right by me. He came over but started walking backwards. I tell him not to, to scoot by me, he holds onto the pram and scoots so closely, bending over ds2 that the pram and scooter keep colliding. He kept pushing through/colliding with people in shops, but he talks all the time and I'm trying to keep track of what i'm trying to do, as well as hold a conversation with him and try to keep him in check. If you kiss him or cuddle him he jumps on you and tries to wrestle you/lick you/play bite you. If DS2 is lying on the floor he runs around him and jumps up and down dangerously close to his head. Everything he does with/to DS2 seems to be done about 2 inches from DS2's nose (even though we ask him to move back and give DS2 some space). While DH was hoovering stairs this aft he kept running past (pretending to be a spy I think), bumping into him, generally getting under his feet and risking a fall for both of them. I heard DH ask him to come into the kitchen with me 3 times before he got told to go to his room.
So it's not really naughty stuff, just thoughtless and very silly. And writing it down it all sounds like attention seeking doesn't it, but he gets so much one on one attention. DS2 is almost 6 months old. DH is self employed and took off about 6 weeks when DS2 was born so that DS1 had plenty of attention up until when DS1 started school in September. When DS2 naps I play with DS1 at whatever he wants to try to gibe him some quality Mummy time. Also DS2 is still at an age where DS1 and I can go to the library or cafe etc with DS2 asleep in buggy.
I'm torn between being strict and just coming down hard whenever he doesn't do what i ask straight away, to wanting to take a more gentle but still consistent approach with the belief that it's another phase he'll come out the other side of.
And he has had a couple of big changes this year; DS2 in July, starting reception in September.
But he is so bloody irritating and I have turned into shouty/annoyed Mum which I hate because I adore him and he's gorgeous.
Aaarrgh!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
yousmell · 01/01/2013 20:54

I think he is choosing to behave like that and is getting (negative) attention though your shouting and you being annoyed with him. Can you swap this round. Lots of praise and encouragement when he is walking/sitting nicely or being gentle with his brother. Stay calm and unflustered.

Also use time out in his room for naughty behavior. Issue a command and then count to three 1.... 2....3 ......, OK time out. Place him in his room for 5 mins. No discussion or attention. Also find a naughty spot for when you are out and about if he needs it.

Make deals with him. 'you can only have your hat/scooter if you ride without bumping into people' Remove the scooter/hat straight away if he fails to abide by your rule. Stick with your rules and do everything calmly'

lorisparkle · 01/01/2013 21:00

I bought the book calmer, easier,happier parenting (or something like that!) and have found it great. lots of praising the good, getting them to tell you how they should behave, deciding on rules and routines for difficult times, clear and consistent consequences.

lucylookout · 01/01/2013 22:37

Thanks yousmell, good advice. I really do try to praise the good but I get myself so wound up it's hard. I suppose what's difficult is that maybe 50% isn't even naughtiness, it's just silliness and often it's not one thing he does that pisses me off, it's the accumulation of noise and extreme excitement and clownishness that accompanies him at all times that gets to me (and is also hard to explain here as i can't remember most of the individual events). My most frequently used words seem to be 'a bit quieter please' and 'ok, now CALM DOWN'.

lorisparkle thanks for book recommendation, I'll look into that. I have playful parenting and how to talk so your kids will listen, and they have both been very useful, but right now I just want him to do as asked without me having to cajole, persuade, turn into a game

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lorisparkle · 01/01/2013 23:18

one of the key things in the book is that you only ask once! I changed a few key things and went from losing my temper every morning to both ds1 and ds2 being ready independtly by 8am to watch scooby doo! ds1 is 6 and DS2 4. also have ds3 of 2.

lucylookout · 01/01/2013 23:37

Well that sounds ideal! I can feel an amazon purchase coming on Smile

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lolalotta · 02/01/2013 06:49

Regarding the silliness with the scooter, that sounds very wearing! Could you buy a hook got it for the back of the pram, so if he refuses to scoot nicely and sensibly the scooter goes on the hook and he must walk by the pram holding onto the side until he promises to scoot properly and safely? If you are consistent surely he should realise that scooting is more fun than walking by mummy? My DD is only. 3 though...no experience of 5 year olds!!!!

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