Probably the wrong forum, but would be glad of any advice.

[GreeenFingers]

Recently my little girl had a sleep-over at a friends house.She ( my daughter) and her little friend have thier fair share of squabbles, but I think that if pretty normal for six year olds, and I tend to turn a blind eye to it.
My daughter is quite grown up for her age and mostly very well behaived.Her friend is also bright, but much more of a " sweet little girl"if you get my drift.
A couple of times the (friends) father has told me he's reprimanded my child for being naughty.which I don't have a problem with.I never found them to be overly strict and I'm happy with leaving my child in thier company.
However, on collecting her from thier house, I sensed all was not well. The Dad stormed out when I entered the room, most unlike him!The Mom seemed edgy so I asked what was up. She informed me that my child had told her that her little girl had said the " F" word .She explained that her daughter didn't know any swear words and that my daughter had been teaching her rude words...I left their home and the Mom returned some food items I'd sent ,saying she wouldn't have any use for them.I thanked her for having my daughter to stay, but I could tell she was fuming.
Well you can imagine how upset I was. We are newish friends and get on well. This shocked me. I confronted my daughter and asked her why she'd been swearing? I told her it was wrong to tell tales on her friend. She informed me her friend had told her the rudest word she knows is F*.
My daughter is no angel, but I'm hurt that the Mom should assume my daughter is to blame and that her own child couldn't possibly have ever heard a single swear word.Does she think I use bad language in front of my child?
I think it's perfectly normal for 6 year olds to discuss the rudest words they know, it's about pushing boundaries.I can even remember doing it myself.
What do I do now?

Sounds a bit like they don't want to believe their little darling knows any bad language and it's much easier for them to pretend to themselves your DD is a bad influence! They'll never be your best friends, not necessarily a bad thing. Better to know however lovely your child is they all do naughty stuff once in a while including swearing!

They are good parents but do kind of reinforce there childrens " babyness", Their DD is very sweet and innocent,whereas mine is a bit precocious.I don't think either is particuarly naughty,they're just doing what kids do.

Their reaction is completely ott and quite vindictive too i think- returning the food you'd given was a horrible and unnecessary thing to do. poor you - that was very hard. agree that they wont ever be your best friends and it might be hard to come back from this? but if you really feel its worth pursuing then i suppose you could approach the mother when a bit of time has passed and see what comes of that. explain that you were quite hurt by their way of dealing with it and that really noone knows what went on and surely thats a pretty normal (which it is) thing for 6 year olds to do. i would just be concerned that this kind of thing will happen again if that is their attitude to honest so you may well find yourself in this position again.

i dont know- these days i think life is a bit too short and we are all getting on a bit to have to put up with this sort of crap behaviour! sometimes people talk about other peoples children being a nightmare but im beginning to feel more and more that its other childrens parents that are the problem.

Good luck and hope you feel better soon.

Thank you for your reply. I agree that we life is too short, but good friends are too at the moment. I think perhaps my DD's friends parents might be doing thhings by the book ( childcare manual) rather than going with the flow.
I'm just so utterly shocked by thier reaction to what I consider to ber perfectly normal,even healthy behaiviour. I'd have been concerned if one of them had used this word in normal conversation.

of course you're right and i wouldnt suggest just 'dumping' people for no apparent reason etc. but as you said its the reaction rather than their parenting that would concern me. theres just so many better ways that they could have handled it out of respect for you and the friendship.

But yes of course again you dont want to be the person who runs at the first problem in a relationship. i suppose a lot might depend on what your friend does next? as to whether she approaches you first and has maybe thought a bit about her reaction? might be hard to just resume with no conversation about it.

I think she might have handled it better if hubby wasn't around at the time as he's a bit hot-headed.
It seems that we live in an age where people have to over complicate matters and scrutinise everyone and everything.
My DD knows that every home has it's own rules and is quite respectfull.I don't even mind other people telling her of when she is in their care.
I could tell she was upset when I picked her up.She doesn't have that many friends outside of school as I work funny hours. I feel for my little girl. We've had a couple of similar experiences before,with parents falling out with me, but not over behaiviour or anything like that.

I agree that children do discuss "the worst word", although in my experience it is older children than that.

But was it that they were encouraging each other to say words then your dd went to tell on her friend to get her into trouble? I remember that happening when I was primary school age, and, looking back, it was a form of bullying. It usually worked in the way that the more dominant started the conversation, did a couple of mild word, encouraged the victim to say the worst word they knew, and then ran to tell either the teacher at school, or the parent.

As a similar thing I stopped having one of my dc's best friends over for several months after she started coming to me and saying " your dd is being really naughty. She won't let me play". On close examination it was usually dd was not lettin her either take home something valuable/special or not letting her do something she knew wasn't allowed (like drop books out of the window) I wasn't cross with the friend for asking to do these things, I was very put out that she was trying to get my daughter into trouble with me.

I've pointed out to my DD that she shouldn't have told on her friend. I agree it could be a form of bullying, but her little friend tell's on my DD as well,so it's hardly one sided.
I know my DD is on the whole a very pleasant child as she gets so many invitations, including a fortnights holiday with relatives. If she was so awfull she'd not be invited.