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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help, distructive 18 month old

21 replies

Cupcakemummy85 · 01/01/2013 11:06

I really need help. Have put a post about this before but not much response. I'm crying in frustration I just don't know what to do. My dd is 18 months and is being really naughty. She tantrums about everything, being in her high chair, going in the car, putting on her shoes, the list goes on. She has started throwing things too. She throws food across the living room and food from her high chair. It's got to the point we've had to lay a sheet of Lino underneath her chair because she has ruined the carpet. She demands I read to her all the time which I don't mind but after the tenth time I'm ready to cry. I've got another one on the way in 6 weeks time and I don't know how I'm going to cope. I seems to get the I told u so from everyone which is making me feel even worse. I'm seriously down about this!

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JingleJohnsJulie · 01/01/2013 11:25

Poor you cupcake. Seems like you are both in a destructive cycle. Have a look at little angels by dr Tanya Byron, there is still time to turn things around before dc2 arrives

Original poster

Cupcakemummy85 · 01/01/2013 11:40

I really don't know what to do. I've read all the toddler taming and baby whisperer etc and it explains why but doesn't really help if u know what I mean. I can't distract her with crafts and baking because he doesn't like any if that yet. Tv is too controversial to even mention lol so what can I do? Can an 18 month old be disciplined. Some say yes and some say no. I firmly sy no when she launches her breakfast across the room but that has absolutely no affect what so ever. If I ignore her she doesn't learn tht she can't do it. I really feel like slamming my head against a brick wall!!

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clabsyqueen · 01/01/2013 12:01

Oh poor you! You have all my sympathy. I'm only just starting to have to deal with foot stamping and screaming so its early days with my 16 monther but I read 'happiest toddler on the block' recently and it seemed helpful and easy to read. Give it a go? (On the bright side - good that your DD likes books!)
TV is not controversial in my book - it's a life saver. Truly truly life saving.

JingleJohnsJulie · 01/01/2013 12:05

Toddler taming is a fairl good book but not sure about the baby whisperer, who's it by? I'm quite selective with my reading on things like this and like my info evidence based and written by someone who has had a child.

Have you tried her with baking? She should be able to stir a bit, try putting a damp cloth under the bowl so that it doesn't slip and put cake cases in the tray. Agree though that her attention span won't be long but she is still a baby . Try getting a child safe knife too, pampered chef do one for about £4. With that she should be able to chop a few things, she might like to chop banana to put in her cereal.

What behaviour is she doing that you like and are you heaping loads of praise when she does? If she does things you don't like, for instance throwing food, how are you reacting?

Is she getting enough exercise too? Is she going for a walk or swimming or even soft play?

Both of mine watched tv too, it can have its uses especially if you are thinking dc2

JingleJohnsJulie · 01/01/2013 12:07

Just thought, amother thing I used to do at that age was to remove the toys they had played with in the morning whilst they had their afternoon nap and bring in some new ones, just to give them a bit of interest in the afternoon.

JingleJohnsJulie · 01/01/2013 12:11

Have a read of this you might find some of the tips useful

beautyguru · 01/01/2013 12:16

My heart goes out to you as I so know how you feel. I can't really offer much advice other than to say it will get easier in time..it might be a long time but you will get there eventually..my DD1 is 7 and went through it and DD2 has just turned 2 and also went through a very difficult phase from 15-22 months...she was incredibly demanding, got super stressed constantly and used to scream at the slightest thing. However since she has learnt to say more words and communicate she has improved and I can sometimes reason with her. When it came to her throwing food on the floor from her highchair and just used to take it away and leave her sitting there. She used to scream at me but I tried very very hard to stay calm (which did feel impossible!!) and said her name quietly until she calmed and I had her attention. Then once she was looking at me would ask if she wanted her porridge/sandwich/yogurt. She would usually say Yes so I then explained that if she threw it again then I would take it away again. And this would often repeat several times but now she understands and its rare she throws food anymore. Same to when she shouts/screams "PUDDING" at me before she has finished her mains...keep the language very simple..sandwich first, then pudding. And stick to your guns..don't give in...or she will learn that she can get own way very easily!!
Both my DDs watch TV and it has not done either of them any harm at all!! I'm not saying sit her in front of it for hours a day but snuggles together whilst watching Cbeebies can be chill time for both of you...you aren't superwoman so please don'y be hard on yourself. Have you tried visiting your local Surestart centre as I found them really helpful. Also have you got any family/friends who would be willing to help you and look after her for a couple of hours? I always hated asking for/accepting help as it made me feel like a failure. However I have learnt that it is the difference between me being a sane happy Mum and losing the plot completely!!! I really hope things get better for you soon...keep posting on here too as support is vital so you know you are not on your own. Good luck xx

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 01/01/2013 12:24

Oh, so much of how you're feeling is because you're so close to having a second child. Eighteen months is really difficult - all the .5 years are, they tell me - and personally I don't believe that much discipline will be effective. Certainly a stern NO and removing the object of fascination, but time outs or anything longer term is meaningless to a child that young. They're barely verbal yet, remember. And it's all the harder on you because you're heavily pregnant and also no doubt worrying about how tough it'll be to transition to two.

I definitely did do baking and crafts with mine by that age - didn't believe it, but omeone on here convinced me and it worked! But honestly, I'm pretty anti-TV, and I still say if ever there was a time for TV, it's now. Also playdates with mum friends, handing over DC to the partner and going out on your own, just generally seek company and be kind to yourself.

JingleJohnsJulie · 01/01/2013 12:27

Agree with beauty. If you think her lack of language could be causing tantrums have you thought of introducing a few signs?

Do you go to any groups with Dd, like the sure start ones or play group?

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 01/01/2013 12:33

dd2 has always been a bit like this
she is always much better for some fresh air and exercise, so i would try and get to the park as often as you can. get a good sling so you can keep it up when the new baby is here.

baking and crafts are good, but i always spend 4 times as long clearing up as we do on the activity itself. easier indoors activities have been water play (messy but clears up in two minutes), playdoh and aquadoodle.

JingleJohnsJulie · 01/01/2013 12:45

They are good activities Charlotte. At that age mine also used to like banging my saucepans with a wooden spoon, he'll of a racket but kept them busy for 10 mins!

Original poster

Cupcakemummy85 · 01/01/2013 14:51

Because the weather wa so crap I decided to try playdough, painting, colouring, gingerbread, all the fun stuff but se just didn't want to do it. I even tried playing kitchens with her as we got her a kitchen and all she wants to do is pull it apart.
As for exercise I really do try and get out for a good run around at least one a day but because she has only started walking it can be a little difficult, especially as she is too small for wellies and still in cruising shoes that are totally covered with mud now lol.
She had a huge tantrum about going into a puddle, should have I given in to we tantrum and just let her get ridiculously muddy or was I right to stand my ground. Sometimes all this staying calm and being positive is exhausting.
To answer your question julie. I praise her when she is eating well and tell her no when she throws food on the floor etc. but when she gets praise she sees she is getting attention and then stops her good actions.

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lorisparkle · 01/01/2013 15:05

poor you, it is so hard when you have a toddler and are pregnant. how is she sleeping? this can have a huge impact. my suggestion would be a calm no, remove toy/food then distract / move on. distraction is very useful. avoid battles unless you have to. say something like ooh what is that up there or did you see that cat etc. baby and toddler groups were my salvation especially when I had a new born and toddler

lorisparkle · 01/01/2013 15:25

oh yeah I bought all in one waterproof suits. my DS s can all get as wet and muddy as they want without any stress from me. because they have straps on bottom they also help keep little wellys on.

Original poster

Cupcakemummy85 · 01/01/2013 15:36

We have one and they are a great idea but they don't do wellies big enough unfortunately. She is still in cruising shoes which have lots of holes in. She did go in the puddle and fell over and splashed mud all in her face. It was a real mud fest lol.

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Original poster

Cupcakemummy85 · 01/01/2013 15:38

I can't wait for the toddler groups to start next week. I'm lost without them lol

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lorisparkle · 01/01/2013 16:17

hope you are having a better day today.

JingleJohnsJulie · 01/01/2013 17:33

If she is walking I'd get her a pair of proper shoes, they will keep drier and she will be able to walk better.

mrslaughan · 01/01/2013 18:06

Is she getting enough sleep - she should be getting roughly 12 hours at night and then a nap in the middle of the day.
I just ask because my kids were always particularly bad if over tired.

To help you cope have you thought about daycare - even 2 mornings a week, it may give her some outside stimulation.....and more importantly you a break

NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown · 01/01/2013 18:38

I was in a similar boat a few months ago, DS is 23 months and DD 10 weeks. Sorry to say things got much worse around 4 weeks after DD was born. DH had been back at work a week (which was a really good week so I felt all pleased with myself) and then the shit properly hit the fan and I'll be honest with you it was bloody hard, many similarities with what you mention.

BUT Things are getting better and the bad days are getting fewer. I think the important things are to think of each day as a fresh start where things can get better, try and cherish the good bits and forget any bad feeling as quickly as possible once it's over (easier said than done but try and remind yourself often), discuss feelings as much as possible and make sure she knows it's OK to feel sad/cross etc (it doesn't mean she'll get what she wants but it will give her confidence to express herself)

Some days I feel like a rubbish mum with a difficult child but more and more I'm feeling like I'm getting the hang of things and we are great friends. We're only human at the end of the day! Have just started reading Playful Parenting which seems to be pretty good so far

lorisparkle · 01/01/2013 20:24

when ds2 was a baby and ds1 was a toddler it was the 2nd most difficult time of my life (ds1 being a newborn was the most difficult) it is hard work but so worth it. just keep in your head that it won't last forever. have a strategy and plan in place for tricky times and enjoy the good. however it did not put me off as after 2 years I had ds3.

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