Struggling with dp behaviour management - is he right?

[bluesmile10]

Our 2.7 ds is a delightful but very strong willed little boy. He has never been a good sleeper and gets up early every day, between 6 and 7. (as well as woken at least twice during the night!). He generally gets into bed with us to doze a little and then the tension begins!!!!! He will start to ask to come downstairs or have the telly on. My dp has to be the grumpiest man ever in the mornings and just wants ds to lie quietly (or even ideally go back to sleep til 9!!!!!!!).

This morning he lost his rag being "tired of ds controlling this house!" and put ds back in his bed in his bedroom, where he cried and cried. I didn't have an issue with this, but after 20 mins if leaving him to cry, I asked if he was going to go into him, his reply being no, he could stay in there longer!

This is the bit I struggle with, I can't leave him in their indefinitely - he won't go back to sleep and is still sobbing. So I ended up getting up to bring ds downstairs. Is dp right? Should we just leave him? I find it really difficult! Is there another strategy we can use which will avoid us having a row???

My two dcs wake up at 530am, it's a pain but its normal for little ones. Doesn't mean they ate controlling the house!
Rather than getting your DS into your bed, can't you just get up with him?

Some children wake up early. FACT.
At 2.7yo your ds might even need to drop/ limit his daytime nap to help with the early risings.
BUT (as someone with 2 early birds) it is much easier just to take them down to watch tv and laze on the sofa together. I have true everything with my 2 dc to try and stop the early starts (6am is normal here) Some kids just wake up early and if your ds is sleeping till nearly 7 sometimes then you're doing ok IMO.

Your dh need to accept all of the above. Then you both need to organise a system so you take turns having a lie in/ being on 'earlies'.

Fwiw ds was like this but by 2.9yo he had stopped napping and slept later (when dd didn't wake him). However cutting his nap out before he was ready had no effect other than making him grumpy.

Get yourselves a system. :)

What time was he in your bed this morning? We have a gro clock which we set for half six. When it turns yellow the boys know its morning and can come into our room. It use to be set earlier and we have gradually moved it. They play till then. Once clock is yellow I take boys downstairs and we start our long day as neither will nap! I get a lie in on a Saturday if Dh isn't working. My boys are 2.6 and 3.5 it took a couple of weeks for them to get use to the clock but we have now been using it over a year. Good luck

My ds is also 2.7. 6.15 is his normal wake up time. I wouldn't even attempt to get him back to sleep then. I come down and doze on the sofa while he watches TV. My dd was the same, but started sleeping past 7 at some point. Can't remember exactly when.

Between 6 and 7 is not early for a small child, it's completely normal. It's very unfair to put him back in his room at that time. Your DP needs to accept that this is just part of parenting small children. If he won't, he's being a dick.

I'm sorry but 6-7 is not that early. You'll be thankful when he starts pre-school. My ds is a late sleeper ( about 8) which causes problems when were trying to get him to school! 9 is late for a toddler & is not likely to change unless you put him to bed later. What time does he go to bed? Any naps during the day?

Can he not play in his room? Could you make a box of special early morning toys that he can play with until 7 when you'll get up and see to him?

Thanks, youre all saying what I already know. He used to wake at 5, so am grateful for the later time now. It's never an issue for dp on a work day!!!!

Ds still does have a daytime nap, sometimes up to 2 hrs. However I never find this alters his bedtime wake up time! Should I be limiting this? Would this help the night time waking? He never wakes for long, generally because he's become uncovered or lost his muzzy!

My DS is the same age as yours and still naps for an hour, minimum - I've tried to drop it but all that does is make him want to go to bed at 530pm! And baby dd would wake him early anyway sigh.
Worth a try to drop the nap though!

We also have a gro clock and it very helpful. Remember that your s&s has no idea what time it is when he wakes so if you want him to stay in his room till a certain time, you need to provide a way of showing him what that time is. Shutting him in his room for an indefinite period of time solves nothing, especially if the rules are different on weekdays. Our click is set for 6:25 as a compromise between when I'd like him to get up and when he wakes!

S&s = son and click = clock.

So this is only an issue when dp is off work?????

Then you need to take it in turns to get up with your ds so one of you gets a lie in or if it doesn't bother you let your dp lie in and you get up with ds every day.

Sorry but pmsl at 6-7 being early after 6 years of 5.30 starts. Your dh is being an arse. Gro clocks are great as long as you put it somewhere he can't play with it. sometimes though you just have to suck it up. It will change. My two slept till 8.30 yesterday which I never thought would happen.

Expecting a 2.7 year old to sleep till 9am is ridiculous; your DP simply has to be made to understand this. Perhaps you could take it in turns to go downstairs and play with him in the morning. I think what your DP did was extremely cruel.

I wouldn't drop the nap. I would either take turns of getting up with him or (what we did) you get up with him and then go back upstairs when he has his nap.. You could nap, read, Mumsnet etc but this is your time. Then one of you can play with him whilst the other one cooks dinner.

Tbh your do sounds like a twat. Do you not have to be up for work most mornings anyway. That is a very normal wake up time for a child so he needs to get used to it. Poor little boy being out back to bed when he's just woken up.
Dh and I take it in turns to do the early mornings some if which began at 4.30 for a while.
We sky plus stuff to watch in the mornings but I wouldn't let dh treat our children like that. Lots of lie ins Re a thing of the past when you have children.

Don't drop his nap if it's not messing with bedtime or wake up.

The night wakings seem normal to me. If he's coming out of his covers tuck them in or put more layers on. This worked for our ds until he learned how to sort his covers out (have you showed him how).

As others have said his wake up time is normal.

Your DP has completely unrealistic expectations quite frankly.

My Ds wakes at about 6 am and is not allowed in our room till his digital clock shows 630 we had months of hassle of him waking between 530 and 6 and him coming in our room but we couldn't cope with 530 am starts anymore so we made a point in not allowing him in to our room till 630 so we brought him a clock to show him the time took a few weeks of screaming and putting him back but now he knows to wait until 630 but he is 4.5 so old enough to understand he used to sleep brilliantly until he went to school!

Your dp is being a very selfish and cruel, bordering on abusive bastard to be quite frank.

I feel so sorry for your ds! You need to stand up to your dh otherwise your ds is thinking both of you are a united front on this..

6-7 is NOT early for children. In fact it's an ideal time - ties in with school days and everything else. It's a normal time.

I think your dh has completely unrealistic expectations. When you have children you say goodbye to sleep unless they are being looked after elsewhere!

My dd now aged 9 still wakes every day at 7 even at weekend's and her brother 7 months wakes at 5 !

Tell your dh to fuck right off. Grrrrr.

Also your ds doesn't understand the difference between work days and non work days! Your dh doesn't seem to understand this.

Dh would like to have similar expectations.
Problem was dd1 was a fantastic sleeper-often asleep still at 9am despite 8pm bedtime. Dd2 used to sleep late because she was a night bird-she slept about 10pm to 8am.

Then ds came along who needs to be asleep by about 7:30-but then wakes round about 7am sometimes.

It took me most of 2 years to persuade dh that it wasn't reasonable to say "before 8am, therefore he needs to go back to bed". Babies don't work like that generally.

We officially alternate mornings. Actually I do do more, partually because I wake much more easily, partually because I'll roll out of bed and go down within 5 minutes. He'll take 10 minutes to get out of bed, then won't do anything until he's dressed and shaved. But I will sometimes take an afternoon sleep, leaving dh with 3 dc, and he doesn't complain much.

I also refuse to complain if ds gets into bed with us. I say to dh if he hates him coming in first thing in the morning he can get up with him. Ds will lie quietly with us for over an hour, which is very valuable dozing time for me!

It's not your ds's fault he wakes up 'too early' for your dp. Putting him back in his cot to cry is not the answer, your ds doesn't understand and won't understand what your dp is trying to teach him by being left alone to cry.

its totally unfair to put a small child back in the room and leave them to cry just because they woke up earlier than you/other half would like.
my 25 month old regularly wakes about 7am and its not a problem, its the time she wakes, after months of her not sleeping we take what we can get. i certainly wouldn't "punish" her by putting her back in her room and leaving her to cry. they are only little they don't understand the concept of having a lie-in. if your partner wanted sleep then he shouldn't have had kids....sorry to be harsh but it breaks my heart to think of a child crying in their room just because their parents are not ready to get up!!!

Iris girl, it's not parents who don't want to get up - just one parent!!!! I completely agree that dp,s actions were that of a selfish twat!!!

Thank you for all the messages confirming what I felt.