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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Am I expecting too much from my 7.5 year old?

24 replies

Miaou · 15/04/2006 20:43

I'm turning into an old nag (that's nag, not hag) over her room and I don't like it. It is always a tip - so this holiday I have cleaned it completely and put everything away. Everything now has a "place", and she has enough storage. I ask her to tidy up at the end of each day - but tbh unless I stand over her and nag her "put that bit of paper in the bin, put that toy on the shelf" then she just leaves it. I don't think it's so much that she doesn't see it, just that she can't be bothered! So I have said that, at the end of the holiday (Weds) I will not nag her any more, and when she goes to school I will remove anything left out and bin it. (I am doing this with dd1 and it is working well). I'm just so fed up of nagging but do wonder if this is maybe a little drastic...(I also think she doesn't actually believe me!) ARGH...

OP posts:

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7up · 15/04/2006 20:47

star charts!wonderful things, especially for her age. i used them with my eldest son and even tho hes now 11 he sometimes suggest a star chart so he can win a prize or money

Blossomhill · 15/04/2006 20:48

No I don't think you are expecting too much.

I expect my 8 year old to tidy his room but he doesn't usually do it without a fuss!

charliecat · 15/04/2006 20:48

Well my 8 and 5 years old room has been badly trashed, as in cant get in the door or see the carpet 3 times in the past fortnight (halfterm). First time I helped. 2nd time I shoved it all in a HUGE pile in the middle of the room and told them to sort it all out and 3rd time, this morning I said they couldnt get dressed and werent doing anything till it was tidy.
At 4pm I couldnt belive that it was a tip again :(
The pile in the middle of the room works well for ease of them tidying up.
You could have a basket or something for bits on the floor for you to throw things into and if its not empty by sunday night it goes in the bin?
Id need 2 dustbins for my dds bits though lol

kid · 15/04/2006 20:48

My DD is also 7 and she never tidies her room. Her excuse is she doesn't know where things go so she just leaves things there. I am working on her tidying her room, it sounds like a good idea to throw the things away that she doesn't put away, should encourage her to tidy up! I might just try that with DD.

KBear · 15/04/2006 20:48

My DD is the same age and the same as your DD. She loves tidying up as a rule but gets overwhelmed when it's a real mess, like when someone has been over to play or all the Barbies have been played with.

I find it's easier to do it with her and she is more motivated then. If I say "go and tidy your room" she doesn't know where to start and then leaves it and gets all stressed about it. The thing that motivates her is having a friend over. I say, "do you want to Emily to see your room looking ike a tip?" and she scurries away and tidies it up!

I think half the problem is that girls just have so much stuff!

busybusybee · 15/04/2006 20:53

Ive tried the "Ill throw stuff away" idea with my 4yo

The trouble is, what happens if they dont put something away that is expensive/you like!!!!!!
Do you still go ahead and throw it away!

I have never had the courage to do that

Furball · 15/04/2006 20:53

Well, I say similar to my 4.5 year old and have done since he was 3.5. If he 'can't be bothered' to even try and help me tidy up anything that is left gets put in another room for 24 hours. I haven'd had to say it for a long, long time as he soon learnt.

I think at 7.5 she is more than capable of putting her things away. Maybe you could try similar in that anything thats left lying about gets 'put away' by you for 24 hours. - Be careful not to say your are throwing it in the dustbin as I'm sure you'd end up chucking out some really nice stuff!

Wallace · 15/04/2006 21:23

We have just started doing a regular 15 minute tidy up. We set the alarm and ds, dd and I blitz their bedroom. The rules are that we have to work as fast as we can, then when the alarm goes, even if everything isn't away, then we are finished. So far we have always been finished before the alarm. I am hoping that soon they get into the swing of things and I can leave them to do it by themselves.

We aim to do this at least once a week - I am not to bothered about have stuff lying around on a daily basis. Sometimes they liket o leave games out for a couple of days. As long as it gets put away before I have trouble walking across the room without breaking an ankle it's fine

Wallace · 15/04/2006 21:26

Just to add that they are a bit younger (6 and 4) and I got fed up of nagging about the mess, getting pissed off about the mess, then ending up tidying up myself. I thought it was about time I taught them to be responsible for their own stuff.

Original poster

Miaou · 16/04/2006 08:31

Oooh, I thought you'd all say I was really mean!! . I've tried the "confiscation" route but it doesn't work with her - she really doesn't care! I thought long and hard about the throwing away route - ie what if it was x that was being thrown out - but tbh she doesn't have any really "nice"/expensive things so I'm prepared to follow it through.

I shall let you know how I get on. I can guarantee that I will be doing at least three "throwing out" sessions at this rate .

OP posts:

beetroot · 16/04/2006 08:35

I would do it together, so she can see HOW to tidy a room. It will stop hte nagging and teach ehr the proper way, rather than chuck in the nearest bvox

noddyholder · 16/04/2006 08:36

I don't think kids see mess like adults and they are just playing not deliberately trashing the house.I must admit I am quite relaxed about ds bedroom as it never stays tidy as it is the only room where he can do all his stuff with his mates whereas we have the whole house!It is fine to get them to put bits away but I think real cleaning is for adults

Tickle · 16/04/2006 08:36

ooh wallace like the timer idea... may implement that one! :)

Tickle · 16/04/2006 08:37

btw, beetroot can you come round & show ME how to tidy a room?

SecondhandRose · 16/04/2006 09:42

My DD is OK when asked she is nearly 7.5. I tend to say friends can't come over unless she tidies up but she has been having a clear out to buy new toys by selling old ones. There is a lot she doesn't play with that just sits there. Why don't you do a boot sale with her to clear some of her stuff?

littleshebear · 16/04/2006 15:34

I think this probably shows who is a tidy adult! The state of the children's room doesn't matter that much to me - I get them to pick up the bits from the floor about every two weeks so I can hoover, and try to get them to make their beds every day/remove cups/put obvious rubbish in bin.Every so often I have a big tidy up with them. Their rooms are untidy but never more than half an hour from respectable. I always remember being sent upstairs to tidy up as a child and just feeling overwhelmed. i think children need the job broken up a bit and a lot of help until they're quite old.

roisin · 16/04/2006 15:37

I feel like that completely Miaou. I hate nagging, but nothing gets tidied/cleaned in this house unless I do it or nag someone else to do it. DSs are supposed to clear up after themselves at mealtimes, but only do it if I remind them. I told them they could invite friends round to play this holiday when they've tidied the playroom, but they've never done it. They have done about 20 mins tidying twice this holidays, and that's it. It's a tip.

Unfortunately I go back to work before they go back to school, otherwise I would definitely be doing big bin bags here too

I'm really fed up about it atm.

Original poster

Miaou · 16/04/2006 17:11

Beety, we always have done tidying together up until now - I just feel that now she is old enough to do it without me. She has specific boxes - a doll box, a dressing up box, a paints box, a paper box etc - so there is nothing that doesn't have a specific "place".

We had a clearout recently and tbh she doesn't actually have that much "stuff" - it's just that when she plays she gets everything out and then leaves it - grrr....

I know that the problem is, basically, that she doesn't "see" the mess and she is naturally untidy (takes after her father!!) - but she is going to have to share her room with ds in about a year or so so I want to instill good habits before then.

I'm quite relaxed about being tidy - I'd rather see a "played-in" room than an obsessively tidy one - but it's got to a ridiculous point where stuff was getting broken and damaged and I couldn't even get in to collect the washing!!

We'll see what happens....

OP posts:

Freckle · 16/04/2006 17:17

Well, I'm still nagging my 12yo, 10yo and 7.5yo to tidy up. However, as I'm not the world's tidiest person, I suspect that they are doing as I do, not as I say (sigh).

We do occasionally use star charts or similar strategies, but they only seem to have a limited duration and then you have to think of something else.

beetroot · 16/04/2006 18:22

i let them tidy then I goo up and say..just have onemore look around and see if you can see what i will see...then i go in and say 'WHAT ABOUT HTIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS...

maltesers · 16/04/2006 19:13

Sometimes I just give up with ds 18 and dd 15. dd keeps room fairly tidy but ds 18 has a bedroom like a refugee camp a t times with clothes all over the floor. Occassionally you just hasv to let it go and let them live in a mess. but it does annoy me. Try to keep my ds 5 yr room tidy which it is most of time. But yes they should be tidying it themselves by 7 yr ish..

stoppinattwo · 16/04/2006 19:52

I find my DS who is 7.5 loves the idea of tidyin his room, but has the attention span of a gnat!! and end up finding somethin he hasnt seen for ages, which goes with something else at the bottom of his toy box which he has to empy to find (1 step forward, 3 backwards!! it keeps him quiet for ages tho)

kayzed · 18/04/2006 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveMyGirls · 19/04/2006 08:55

my dd is coming up to 7 and has always kept her room tidy - at least tidy enough for me to get the vac round and she always brings down her dirty cups and her dirty washing. she hates her room being a mess and i never have to nag her its wonderful. she started tidying her room when she was about 3 (with me helping) now i go in and have a move round and a really good clean every 4/5 months

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