independence at 2?

[piglettsmummy]

my dd is 2.4 and is completely reliant on me for practically everything (has SN) but wondering how independent your dc were at 2? I see many of my friends with children the same age as dd and they do a lot more than her. we are not sure get how bad her SN are .

I am sorry that you have developmental worries with your dd.

All children are babies at 2 years old and development varies considerably. Although many two year olds think otherwise they are completely reliant on their parents.

Some lucky people have their children out of nappies where as other children are in nappies until 4 years old. Some children at 2.4 hold a full conversation where as other NT children can barely put two words together. Ofcourse mumsnet pfb can read war and peace!

None of us have crystal ball to know how our children are going to develop whether they have SN or not. Many mothers are pathological liars about thier children's achievements.

Every two yo is different. Some are talking, most are walking (but not all). Sme are sleeping, some are not. Pretty much none of them use cutlery independently, or are capable of any basic care needs. At 2yo, pretty much none are toilet trained. Two yos are toddlers (or non walking toddlers) and for the purposes of dla, are not expected to have much independence at all.

The best way of making comparisons is to get thee to a mums and toddler group. Two yos vary enormously in ability.

Two of three of mine were walking and talking, the third didn't walk until five, or speak until four.

For the purposes of dla, they are really more interested in the number and type of professionals involved in care, the frequency and type of therapies (ie periods of physiotherapy for twenty minutes, four times a day, speech and language involvement ie signing or pecs, feeding therapies, ability to swallow - type and preparation of food, time taken to feed if chewing/ swallowing an issue) ability to sit independently, amount of specialist equipment in use (ie standing frames, specialist seating, physio wedges etc) how many times a night you are awake and taking care/ changing/ resettling etc.

At two, my two nt kids were actually more work than my very obviously sn child, because they were mobile and wreaking havoc! despite the four or five hospital appointments a week lol. independence isn't really something associated with 2 yos, nt or otherwise, they are pretty much expected to be supervised 24/7.

the worries I'm having really are she is unable to tell us when shes hungry, cannot get up/down the stairs, cannot understand simple instructions etc. apart from sat playing on front of me she actually
lay spend have clue what's going on bless her he doesn't even no when she's sat in wet clothes due to very rare nappy leaks I maybe though she would have been. little more advanced than she is a few family members have said this too. I cud just be surround by a group of wizzkids though!!

I'm sorry you're worrying about this. My NT 2 yr old can walk, babbles with only occasional proper words. He can takes off his trousers and socks off but not tops. He feeds himself (and anyone near him!) and carries things to the kitchen. He still has a bottle overnight and is nowhere near toilet training. He wakes most nights at least once and is starting to throw proper trantrums, mainly when you can't understand what he's saying. He does do independent play well and can use an iPhone shockingly well.

As hard as it is, dont constantly judge yourself against a small group of friends. If I look at my friends kids my DS is way behind. He walked really late, still isn't talking, and can't do clothes properly. But we'll within normal. At this age the range is so broad that you can drive yourself nuts by trying to gauge where your own child is.

Oh my DS can't tell us he's hungry. Its only when he's getting proper grumpy and you actually offer him food that he'll nod. He will sit in wet clothes for ages - just doesn't seem to bother him.

delayingtatic my did can use an iPhone too she's had a few noted missed milestones but not many my daughter babbles a lot to she does no words she doesn't use them much

My nt Ds was completely unaware he was soaked to the skin until he was about ten. Wet pants just don't bother him. He also will sleep through the night having wet the bed. Being wet just isn't an issue for him.

I think most 2yos will know if they are unhappy or grumpy (ie they are mothering or bawling) but not have the wherewithawl to recognise a particular cause and identify it, and try to solve it by working out what they need.

The said 10 yo is horrific when he's hungry, but he doesn't recognise that as the issue. We do.

The thing with developmental delays, is that they work on a completely different timescale to everyone else, so comparisons are pointless. You just need to identify delays and try to work on them... Dd2 was a reet pain - it's very common to spend two hars working on a particular skill (ie sitting independently or moving an object across the midline) and fail miserably. Then you all cry, give up because she's never going to be able to do it, and the blooming kid will just magically learn the next week.

We were told that dd2 wouldn't walk or talk. She is 9 now and walks, runs, skis, dances, sings (tunelessly), shouts, argues with her brother and sister incessantly, and is generally a regular 9yo (but with cerebral palsy). She missed every milestone known to man by months for the very early baby stuff (she didn't smile until past six months, laughing was well past a year) and years for gross and fine motor... She's a pretty functional 9 yo though. And can even do stairs!

It takes a long time to come to terms with the fact that kids with delays work to their own schedule, and it's hard. There's no need to hide yourself or them away, the more you can face getting out and about into the community and toddler groups the better, but there will also be an sn baby and toddler group around (and if there isn't start making noise and start one, whilst bugging her therapists for professional support services - dd2 had a feeding specialist SLT and a physio who visited our sn baby and toddler group).

And be kind to yourself. This is normal. It really is. To be comparing your dd to a predetermined list of abilities is to suggest she isn't. You just need to adjust your 'normal' radar.

And be kind to yourself. Disability lasts forever. Tis impossible to rush, so you may as well slow down and smell the flowers and have an extra cup of coffee.

What sort of sn has been dx with, as a matter of interest? Or is it just a developmental delay tag at the mo?

she has a respiratory condition but also some ASD/as/ tendencies doesn't eat normal food just purees has missed 3 milestones by months she's being assessed in January for SPD

Ok. Well the dx themselves don't mean much, and ordinary variance between two yos covers the span of probably almost a year in either direction.

Does she see a specialist feeding SLT for her oromotor issues? Dd2 was still on purees at this point, but eats a pretty ordinary diet at 9yo - ask for a referral if you don't have a feeding SLT. Ours was brill and kept me sane through years of crying over food.

Dd2's first 'solid' (ish) food was quavers btw. courtesy of the SLT, who I thought was screaming mad. She was absolutely right - it provided just the right intro in a bite and dissolve manner. We also have to put food into the side of dd2's mouth (she has no lateral tongue movement, although we didn't know that until four lol) so literally couldn't chew as she couldn't move the food around!

I like www.new-vis.com as a feeding website, btw. It gives lots of ideas about feeding therapies (face tapping etc to wake up the oromotor before feeding) but your SLT will be able to give you lots of ideas. Lots of kids struggle with the transition to solids. Dd2 never was able to do lumps. Ever. But we essentially continued to thicken the purees until they were pretty much solid over time. she just couldn't handle two different consistencies in her mouth as she didn't have the oromotor ability to cope. She eats a normal diet now, but we still supervise hard apples, carrots and no boiled sweets... (I made sure that all of the supervising staff for yr r were trained in choking incidents - it was written into her statement)

Yes she's seeing a slt

Specialist feeding SLT though? Or just run of the mill speech and Lang SLT? Huge difference, tbh.