High needs baby -desperately seeking help and advice

[helsybells]

My 3mo little girl is very high needs and I'm at breaking point, so just posting in the hope that someone can offer some support and/or advice.

Is there anywhere or any way of getting some sort of formal help in my situation?

Baby is very clingy, cries a great deal and is difficult to feed due to reflux (being treated with ranitadine and every other trick in the book, tilted cots etc). Sleep is the worst thing though. She rarely naps during the day and it takes a huge amount of work to get her there. By evening I am exhausted but she gets to her worst . She w ill not go down at a reasonable time at night and cries and feeds continually between about 5pm and 10pm. When she does go down during this time she usually wakes within about 15 minutes and won't resettle. I have read many books inc baby whisperer, Gina Ford, no cry sleep solution etcetera but have not found much help in them. Tried a sling which helps a bit but is a pain literally. Overnight she isn't too bad, wakes once or twice and usually goes back down ok after between 45-90mins. she also sleeps from 10pm to 5am sometimes if she's exhausted herself enough.

I am becoming more and more depressed and am breaking down frequently, snapping at hubby and our previously seriously happy marriage of 3 years is really struggling under the strain. I'm feeling more and more distant from her and even beginning to regret becoming a mum . hVs etc don't seem too bothered as she's gaining weight fine etc.

Is there anywhere I can turn for help that I haven't heard of yet. I'm a very hardworking and level headed and organised person usually but right now I'm feeling very low and helpless.

Thanks for reading.

Hello

My DS was a nightmare napper but hat worked for us wa a close sling + dummy + me walking round the house. He could not resist the combo and napped in there till he was 7mo ish and too heavy for it. He is now a dream napper (at nearly 2) so it will get better.

If you can afford a close I highly recommend one :)

The first thing I would say is that I found it hardest around 3 months with both of my daughters. People are telling you things should be settling and they just aren't. In my experience with both things get easier about 4 months.

I think you are doing well to have identified that your LO is a high needs baby, with my first I didn't realise I thought it was because I was crap. My second was a lovely, docile baby in comparison and I realised how easy it should be (apart from wanting to smack the patronising twats who kept saying 'its because you're more relaxed') gahhhhhh!!!!!!

For the time being you just need to accept that things are how they are and stop listening to people's stupid advice. I would just keep feeding on demand and following baby's rhythm. It sounds like she is at least sleeping OK at night, which mine also did but she was bloody hard work the rest of the time. And remember it is 30 years since your mother in law had a baby, she has no idea what she is talking about. I forgot what it was like having a newborn in the 2 years before my first and second.

I would also get your health visitor round and have a chat about how you are feeling. You don't want to end up with pnd and assuming she is as normal as the ones I've had it will help to share it with someone properly.

Hi, its a long time since mine were that little but just wanted to say have you been to your local children's centre? My local one runs a group for mums with new babies.

It might help if you can get together with other new mums and share some experiences. There is certain to be someone else there with a demanding baby.

It is really hard when they are little and it is easy to become isolated, can you try to get out for a walk everyday even if it is raining. The baby doesnt need to be dressed just wrapped up warmly.

Keep coming on here for support and remember it doesnt actually hurt them to cry for a few minutes, at least while you go to the loo or make a drink.

My Dd3 used to sit in her bouncy chair in the bathroom while I had a shower etc.

Please go to your Gp if you feel sad most of the time, PND is really common but can be treated.

Good luck

Dd was one of these, and I remember how hard it was. If it helps to know, she is now a very cuddly, affectionate and inquisitive toddler (though still on the sensitive side I'd say). I second the advice to read dr sears, and to give up on early bedtimes for now, it's not worth the stress and yo baby will gradually sleep earlier as they get older. What helped me was getting out of the house - I'd put dd in a sling and walk round the shops, and if she'd just been fed she would often sleep for a bit then. And going to as many baby groups as I could helped too - I literally started going crazy stuck in the house with a grumpy baby for too long. Talk to your Hv if it helps or if you think you're developing pnd, but for me I felt better working through it myself and learning what helped dd, it was hell for months but dd and I have a really strong bond now. Please make sure you're seeing friends and getting some time to yourself somehow, and eat well.

MY SIL had a baby like this. This difficult time will pass. Just try to pull together as much as poss in the mean time and have low expectations of things (cleaning/activities etc) for a while. My SIL baby grew into a lovely happy boy and she even had a second who was a dream baby with no problems.

oh hun, i feel your pain!!
my dd was like this when she was first born, up until 4 months or so...i never got any sleep, and it was like waiting for a time bomb to go off every day! at one point i wanted to take her to hospital as i thought there is no way a baby can scream this much and get by on so little sleep, i was dying!! when i went to baby group and the mothers were saying how their little darlings were sleeping all night and they were just perfect blah blah blah, i could have cried, in fact many a time i did!! i said to my dp one night am i ever going to be able to sleep again or just sit down and have a tiny bit of me time. thankfully my wonderful mum would come to my house every day (after a tearful phone call from me) and would look after little one for an hour so i could have a little nap, shower and just feel human!!

what turned things around for me was using Dr Brown bottles, the HV recommended them and within a day, literally, the difference was amazing, i immediately went out and bought 10 and never looked back. not saying she was an easier baby after that but it certainly calmed things down and helped her sleep a lot better...albeit she didn't sleep all night but generally from 10pm to 5am we were on a safe bet
just know that this really won't last forever and things will eventually calm down, it doesn't help now i know but there is light at the end of the tunnel. my dd is now 25 months and has been sleeping like a dream from about 14 months old, we still have the odd night with her but nothing horrendous....and the women who bragged how wonderful sleepers their dc were, well some of them are not bragging now...it all swings in roundabouts hun.
big hugs x

I haven't read whole thread but had a baby a bit like yours years ago. Mine did settle wtih the ranitidine eventually but takes a while to get dose right. Also putting books under cot end so it is raised very upright helped too.