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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Anyone have experience with introverted toddlers?

15 replies

CheerfulYank · 23/12/2012 05:27

I'm writing this on behalf of my best friend. Her DD (my lovely Goddaughter) is 27 months and has always been pretty cautious.

At home she's a ham, singing and dancing, etc. She seems okay in public places and does well at daycare.

But when people come to her house (even if they're people she knows well, like grandparents) she's very clingy and won't look at them for awhile. She also gets really upset (will scream and cry) if someone talks or laughs really loudly. My friend says it's not introversion, it's like absolute terror; when she picks her daughter up she can feel her heart pounding.

Does this seem normal? I think since she's fine other places, she just is used to a routine at home and doesn't like it to be disturbed. Does anyone else have experience with this?

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TheElfOnThePanopticon · 23/12/2012 06:06

My little boy was like thus from around 18 months to two and a half. He's 3 now, and still not terribly social, but copes fine with visitors - if it gets too much he will wander off, but he now tends to be interested in new people rather than terrified.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 23/12/2012 07:17

Bumping in case more people are awake now :)

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Original poster

CheerfulYank · 23/12/2012 18:16

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? :)

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MegBusset · 23/12/2012 18:24

DS1 was like this - very sensitive/shy, never played with other DC, wouldn't speak to other adults, hated being touched by anyone apart from DH and I (and even then only on his own turns). Now at nearly 6yo he has come out of his shell loads - will never be one of life's extroverts and often prefers observing to joining in, but has plenty of friends at school and will talk to people he doesn't know. Preschool and school helped a lot but really it just took patience and time.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 23/12/2012 19:38

Thanks! I'm forwarding the replies to her. :)

OP posts:

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 23/12/2012 19:39

DD (2 1/2) is exactly the same, I am assuming she will grow out of it in time.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 23/12/2012 19:42

dd1 was and is an introvert
at toddler groups she'd often spend the entire session sat on my knee
at 5.9 she is still shy, and slightly socially awkward
we do coach her a fair bit in terms of learning the skills to make friends, but she can't be doing too badly as we get a fair few party and playdate invitations.

MirandaWest · 23/12/2012 19:42

I was like this. So was my sister. As there's 7 years between us I can remember how she was - she would freeze when other people came round and wouldn't look at them and definitely not talk. She would "defrost" while they were there.
My mum and dad ignored it (having explained to the people coming about it) and it was fine. My sister is 29 and this doesn't happen any more :)

ConstantCraving · 23/12/2012 20:03

My DD is the same (aged 3 years) - as others have said, am assuming (hoping) she'll grow out of it.

AngelDog · 23/12/2012 22:49

DS was quite a lot like this but is growing out of it quite a bit now at almost 3. He's still the only one sat on a parent's lap during singing time at toddler group but having a sibling seems to have helped immensely in the last couple of months.

It was always worse when people came to our house than when we were elsewhere - I think he felt his personal safe space was being invaded.

DillyTante · 23/12/2012 23:00

Dd2 was like this, really outgoing with DH, I and her sister but almost selectively mute in front of anyone else, even people she'd known since birth (yet a dig could bark next to her & she wouldn't flinch).

Can't explain what changed. She's started going to a child minder one day a week & since then she is like a different child.

Before starting at the CM we left her with a couple of friends & apparently she was fine. When she wanted something she had to ask for it & the shyness disappeared for seconds at lunch!

No advice really, I just know we went from apologising to people about her all the time to a talkative toddler - even to strangers.

matana · 24/12/2012 08:12

DSD was like this. She's 13 now and very sociable, outgoing, and confident.

yellowsubmarine53 · 24/12/2012 08:29

My dd was like this as a toddler, though wasn't any more confident out of the house.

She's now coming up for 6 and a definite introvert. She needs time by herself to emotionally recuperate. She does however have plenty of friends, does very well at school and can cope better in different situations. She still doesn't like going to certain friend's houses without me, has bottled out of sleepovers and doesn't like surprises.

I think you have to go with them when they're young.

RandomMess · 24/12/2012 08:31

dd2 was like this, don't make a fuss about it let her be quiet and come around in her own time.

ElvisIsKing · 24/12/2012 08:34

My dd is like this (2 1/2) and my DS was like this too (now 5 1/2). DS has completely grown out of it and is now a very confident little boy. I'm sure dd will grow out of it too as will your friends DD

I just think it shows that she very secure with her mum and I wouldn't view it negatively :) having said that I also used to wobble when I would have DS clinging to my legs for dear life when other children were zooming round the room at playgroups

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