7 year old DS suddenly anxious at bedtime - but only at my house. New baby on the way.

[snowqueenrollo]

I have shared care of DS 50/50, very amicable friendship with his dad.

I'm 7 months pregnant and I'm assuming this is the trigger for DS suddenly playing up at bedtime. He only does it here though .

He has come up with so many reasons as to why, and it really does reach the point where the excuses are SO ridiculous that I start to think actually he is attention seeking rather than actually suffering anxiety.

Last night he was up and down declaring he could not get to sleep until half twelve, having gone to bed at his usual 7pm (lights out at 8).
Tonight we had the same routine.....he is fine until lights out, when we kiss and cuddle and say goodnight until the morning. As I was leaving his room he started crying and saying he was panicking 'in his head' already. I gently told him he just needed to lie down and listen to his CD. He has a night-light on too.

I have tried to use the approach of giving him more of me, more time during the day, letting him choose activities and more time at bedtime with extended cuddles etc and it has seemed entirely counter productive as he drags it out ALL night getting progressively more wound up each time I try to leave to go to my own bed. (he's in the top of his bunk beds, and insists he must be in his own bed so I can't co-sleep or even get in there with him!) The worst night of this he didn't fall asleep until 2am

Now we're trying the no-nonsense approach of telling him that at lights out he is to stay in bed.....last night that didn't work. Tonight I've told him getting up for attention will see the removal of his hand held games console.
I feel pretty dreadful at resorting to this tactic but at the moment sleep deprivation on top of other pregnancy issues just makes me so ill I struggle to function during the day so I'm having to do whatever I can to get sleep.
DH is being fantastic, but as mums will know - even me being in bed doesn't guarantee rest because I hear every time DS gets up and I end up awake with worry.

I don't want to fall into the trap of being manipulated by my DS for attention (he has tried this before in the past) but equally I really don't want to ignore him if the anxiety he feels is real (as an anxiety sufferer myself I have sympathy towards how irrational and consuming it can be).

Has anyone got any advice or experience to help me deal with this?

oh he's also started sleepwalking! He's fallen asleep tonight and here we are 40 mins later and he's just appeared downstairs having a nonsense conversation with me!
DH has just taken him back up.....
Now he will either sleep right through until the morning or he will actually wake up in the next half hour and be up all night like he was last night.....

I think he's anxious about the new baby. He's worried (subconsciously) that he will be usurped in your affections.

I think you need to have a good conversation with him and explain that that will not happen - I'm no expert on this, but there must be some books to help with this sort of thing - try to make him understand that the new baby is for him too; a brother or a sister, just for him etc etc.

I don't think he's necessarily manipulating you for attention - after all, no-one sleepwalks on purpose - and isn't sleepwalking supposed to be a sign of anxiety?

Failing it being about the new baby, perhaps try to find out how things are going at school - is there something there which could be upsetting him?

we home educate so it's not a school related thing.

It must be about the baby. We've always been very open about everything, and he's never really held back if he's been worried about something. We have talked about the baby, i've been honest about the fact there will be some changes and he's expressed concerns. He was worried he would have to share his bedroom for example and we've made it clear that his room is his space and that will not change.
I've been trying to deal with this at a level he's happy with, so not making a big thing about the baby's due date because I know for him Christmas is a big thing. I don't want the pregnancy/baby overshadowing the things he enjoys.
I don't want him to think next year is going to be ALL about the baby.
To be honest I think the arrival of a new life is such a big thing even for us adults to get our heads around, that I'm going to have to persevere with DS until the baby is here. I don't think he's going to be truly reassured until the baby is here and he is dealing with the reality of it rather than what he thinks is going to happen.