Toddler hating sharing any of her toys play dates suddenly a miserable affair

[sedgieloo]

My 26 month old has in recent weeks become very precious about her things.

She can hardly bear the other child touching her toys. She wants whatever they are playing with. If they switch to a toy, her attention switches too. It's quite distressing to her.

She is otherwise outgoing and sociable. Or has been!

I suppose its a phase. I know sharing can be an issue with toddlers. Any tips on making play dates more pleasant please.

I have a newborn so quite a few friends and their little ones are dropping by.

I mentioned this to my HV here for my newborn. He said just keep play dates shortish and warn the mum she will grow out of it. But I wod appreciate any other tips or advice in handling my dd

Have you got many "sharing" toys? Sometimes it's easier with a big pile of duplo, say, rather than expecting children to relinquish a more self contained toy to a guest.

Yes it's just a phase, remind her to share and reward sharing with praise. One of my dt's has been doing the same. He used to hide the toys he wanted to play with in our change bag other dc only had to look at the toys he like and he would have a full blown tantrum. He seems to have come out of it now at 29 months, but playgroups and play dates were horrible for a while.
Has she just been doing this since you had the baby ? Might be her reaction to a big change.

Princess, yes HV said new baby would have exacerbated this. It has been since then I think. We have serious meltdowns. We had both girls crying one day. Then yesterday she was so upset I had to give her some quiet time in her bed and she fell asleep I think exhausted by the trauma of it because she doesn't normally nap anymore!

Must be rough with twins. Dare I ask how long it lasted?

Have heard others say it helps if there is something they never have to share (favourite toy) but other things they do. We have just begun to hit this phase too (at 28 months dd has always been late at everything)

Pinko yes I do have a good few sharing toys. I leave everything out normally perhaps I will have to put certain things away. She will still want certain colour bricks sometimes if another has them. It's really not enjoyable to have people over anymore.

We did drawing with lining paper and one side for her and I and the other side for the other mum and child with a pile of pens each. Also did a tea party where my dd had to 'show' the other toddler what to do, but then that all unravelled when the little girl took both teaspoons! The outrage!!!!!

Yes. Utterly normal. We have 90minute play dates with half time snack.

Works a dream. And also ensure very special toys are hidden, get other child(ren) to bring their dolly or their doll buggy or their teapots. All flash points in our house

A couple of months, I ignored the tantrums in the end as me trying to reason and distract him made him much worse.

Don't get me wrong he will squark if he sees someone playing with a toy he wants but gets over it quite quickly.
It felt really hard for ages and then one day I realised that we had a couple of good days in a row and then and more from there.

Congratulations btw

Not that it helps (my DS 23 months and 'mine' is the favorite word at the moment) but it's completely age-appropriate behaviour. It's not until they are over 3 that they start to become more receptive to sharing.... Yeah, right!

As others have said, absolutely fine and normal etc but yes deeply irritating. I found that mine were/are much better at other people's houses/in soft plays etc than at home. More able to share toys which aren't "mine" to start with. So I avoided having play dates at our place for quite a while. Improved at nearer to 3 but still not great at nearer 4! If we did have people round I too made sure that 'special' toys were put away. Also found that a packet of balloons was fabulous at keeping kids entertained during a playdate (so long as enough for at least one each) and as soon as the weather is good enough get them outside with a ball (or several balls, to be on the safe side!). Things to climb through/in. Or dancing to music. Basically physical stuff that they can all join in with.

Also don't talk about sharing too much - very hard concept to understand. Turn taking is easier to get. So if they are fighting over a toy say "it is' Xs turn now" (I usually start with the one who was making less fuss) and they can play with the toy until I count to 20, and then swap (often by 20 the other child has found something else to play with and isn't bothered about the first toy). One of the books (Toddler Taming? Not sure) suggests using an egg timer for this - so "it is your turn until the bell rings, then it is his turn" etc. Worked quite well for us.

Savoir some great ideas I will be using thanks!