I have just walked out of a supermarket, for the first time EVER.

[PavlovtheCat]

DD is 6. DD, while not an angel and can be a right pain in supermarkets, has never pushed me to the point of walking out and leaving my shopping.

DS, aged 3, now has. He fell asleep in the car on route to replacing broken tree lights at B&Q at 5pm. woke and had a meltdown because he was hungry. Kids ate in the cafe, although he did not really eat as it was Not Right.

He was a little sod. I was in sainsburys for them to pick a decoration each for the tree, buy mince pies so we could have them with hot chocolate after putting new lights on the tree and adding our new decorations. I also needed to buy eggs and bread to make sarnies for DSs nursery party tomorrow.

He refused to follow me. He would only come if I squatted down with my arms out, cute the first time, not the 10th. He just stood where he was and would not come, or he would wander off. He won't sit in the trolley, I don't even bother trying that one any more.

He then promised to be good and behaved himself, so they got to pick their decoration. All decorations reduced by half price so I picked a few for my myself (£1 each!) and got the children some little christmas bears and a Santa Stop Here Sign.

Then, DS plonked himself down on the floor bashing his little bells on the floor, and I kept having to drag him/carry him/squat down just to get him moving with me. It was torture.

But, I was not going to be beaten, I just needed eggs, mince pies and bread. Which was right at the other end of the store. Next thing I know DS is running in the opposite direction jingling his little bells and laughing.

Now. I left work early today due to increased back pain. I should not really have attempted a supermarket in my state, but I wanted the tree done as the lights have been broken for days, and I promised DD and DS new decorations each.

So, I couldn't run after him, he ran around and across long aisles, not far from the door and I could not keep up with him. I finally grabbed him, and I was so bloody cross I abandoned the entire shopping, took his bell from his hand and carried him, hobbling out of the shop.

On the journey home I have had both children in floods of tears. DS promised not to run away ever ever again and they both tried to persuade me to drive back. I refused.

I am still very cross. DS is still being a pain, DD is upset as she lost her treat although I promised I would try to go back tomorrow for her. Unlikely there will be anything left though.

And, to top it off my back is now screaming in pain and both the children are demanding 'mama!' 'mama!' 'can I have a drink? can we watch tv? can I watch thomas? please? I want! I want! I want! MAMA!!!'

I am absolutely not going shopping with my DS again for a long time. His behaviour is appalling right now.

Ok, I think it's all out.

You went into the supermarket after 5pm with a tired and hungry 3yo - never going to go well, they just can't deal with how they are feeling.

dd1 is nearly 5 and is really well behaved unless she is tired and only now is she able to take on board when she starts playing up and I point out that it's because she's tired, at 5pm we are home about to have dinner (If I fed dd1 after 6pm she had a melt down and ate nothing and turned gremlin-like), dtds seem more flexible but not 3 yet so time will tell.

OP you did the right thing to walk out.Sometimes it's just better to get out of a nightmare situation, calm down & go again when everyone has had a good night's sleep. Next time you go, tell him that you expect him to behave, then try to give him little jobs to do-putting things in the trolley etc
We had a situation when DS1 was little and he didn't want to come into Homebase with us. He decided to crawl round on his hands and knees wailing "my legs won't work!"
DH & I ignored the performance but we got some seriously strange looks. Someone asked if he was ok but they were fine when I explained it was a tantrum.
Some days though you just want to curl up in a heap and make it all go away. It does get better, honest!

It is so hard, isn't it.

DS is lovely but he could just go completely mad at times when he was 3.5-4. Now that he's five (will be 6 this summer) he has calmed down quite a bit.

All sympathies. :)

princess he shouldn't have been tired, he had a bloody nap! and the kids had snacks in the car after school/nursery/afterschool club and he had snacks at afterschool club too, so while it was not their main evening meal (which was light anyway as they both had hot dinners and pudding at school today) they were not starving. And, he was offered his tea, albeit in a cafe (which he loves when the wind is blowing east and the moon is at crescent and there are no clouds). And sometimes, needs must. Like I said, I regret it now and also realise what I felt was important/essential, clearly wasn't as I walked out!

kvet oh don't say that it's just a tough phase. If it were not for the fact that I have a well balanced DD already I would definitely feel it was my fault completely and that I was not a good mum, but it most certainly is a phase. I think it is known as terrible twos followed by the Threenager years. And that is the truth ain't it?!

You have my sympathy too. Don't beat yourself up for attempting to get on with normal life in the face of intractable 3y old. Keep on trying.

Oh god, YES! DS is like that too with the having to start everything again. He SCREAMS at me if I go down the stairs first when it's "his turn" and the amount of times I put his socks on in the wrong order, and he insists on taking ALL his clothes off and starting again

I find also he is extremely sensitive to both blood sugar levels, and tiredness, even though he was a perfectly chilled out baby who would just feed and sleep whenever he was hungry/tired and barely cried I find if he gets past a certain point of tiredness (which can be a hangover from a previous day, even) then he gets silly/fussy about eating, which then means his blood sugar drops and he goes totally insane. No hope of any kind of sensible attitude to food, no hope of any easy sleep (half because he's hyper, half because he's hungry) = utter nightmare, and can drag on until the next day too very easily due to tiredness.

I'm so glad it's not just me!

When I really keep on top of his food and make sure he's eating more protein based stuff than carb/sugary stuff, and pre-emptive early mealtimes and bedtimes if he's had a late night, he's a lot better. Also just reminding myself why he's acting in this way and being prepared for the stuff he throws at me when he's really mad (Look forward to: spitting, scratching wherever he can reach, copying any other lovely behaviour they've witnessed from other kids like biting, and intentionally burping in your face) - have learnt to react calmly and just restrain now rather than getting angry and wanting to lash out He works his way out of it eventually. And then he's lovely.

Bring on 5

oh thanks for that post bertie i never thought about sugar levels, but that is exactly how DS is, when over hungry, his behaviour is appaling and he then won't eat, thus perpetuating the problem. Again like you, when he is sleeping and eating well mostly he is ok, I say mostly as not completely! But, to be fair to him he is still recovering from this horrid coughing bug that he has had for the last month and I guess I am forgetting that while he seems well now he is still not 100% and its all just so mixed up, tiredness, hunger, not quite right in himself.

Poor little boy, he is fast asleep now and looks very lovely. He told me he will be a good boy tomorrow and I was his best mummy ever. I told him I love him and he will have a lovely party at nursery tomorrow then the next day we have a whole day just us two, so it ended on a lovely note at least.

I could have written your post. I actually met with a friend's mum on Monday who is an early childhood worker with years of experience because I felt like i was totally failing as a parent! :( (I'm abroad and don't have parents here to quiz!)
We have just had the most hideous tantrum because I dared to tell him to wash the sand off his sore knee so I could put a plaster on it! Half an hour later he is flat out on the couch and probably won't go to bed tonight!

oh no, that sucks, did he go to sleep ok in the end?

DS came in with us in the early hours and kicked me constantly. And refused to get dressed for DH this morning, proper full on meltdown, but it has been stressful here today as my back has 'gone' and so the kids fed off my pain and upset I suspect.

It goes without saying that when you feel like crap, your children will KNOW and they will behave appallingly, while you feel like you're watching them powerless through a glass wall and can't do a thing about it.

Total sympathy. I can't run atm either, due to huge bump and SPD and I can't shout or call them, so they have been told that they stay with me, or they'll be lost! I feel so restricted and weak.

It's horrible. I hope that it improves soon. The only thing that worked for me in supermarkets with mine was putting them in the buggy tbh...and giving them stuff to eat while in it. It won't work every time though

I mean I hope it improves for YOU soon. Sorry, not totally self indulgent post there I hope!

sleds oh your poor thing, how horrible for you, SPD is the pits. I agree not being able to call/run after them is so disempowering, and DS knows I can't run and seems to find it funny!

He is such a little boy though that I now feel very guilty for being so cross with him, he is learning all about his emotions and how to manage them and how to manage people and it's all so new to him still these thoughts and feelings, added with hunger and tiredness and mummy being poorly.

After meltdown this morning he came for a cuddle and literally slotted himself into the gaps in my body, he curled himself in and around me and buried his head, so I think he is feeling out of sorts himself. I held him so tight.

I think, best thing is to accept that for a little while, no matter how good an idea I think it is, supermarkets and DS don't mix, then we won't get into that situation again.

you can be self indulgent i knew what you meant, but likewise hope it improves for you too

You did completely the right thing!! DON'T YOU DARE FEEL BAD ABOUT IT FOR EVEN ONE SECOND!

Jesus, are we meant to put up with kids' cr*p these days because they might have "low sugar levels"? Seriously??

OP, your life sounds like it's revolving around other peoples' needs, from the shopping to the specific type of sandwiches. Learn to put yourself first! Make sarnies from whatever you have in the sodding cupboard - seriously, nobody will care.

YOU MATTER TOO, you know! And good for you for taking them home. Why should you tolerate that kind of behaviour? Even 3 y/os know how to behave. (as he proved with his "pleath mummy I will be good" speech. He knew he was being a PITA.)

I also diagree with avoiding supermarkets because they don't "mix" with your DS. How inconvenient will that be for you?!

Your DS's cuddle this morning was a sign he was thinking, "I pushed her yesterday and finally discovered her boundaries" which is GOOD.

Take him to the supermarket again today and I think you'll find he's an angel.

Thankyou it should after this baby appears!!! Your poor back though. It must be awful.

Imo all little ones are very tired at this time of year, there's simply not enough light and warmness and they can't understand it.

You're still there....you held him, you do hold him all the time I'm sure, and he knows he belongs with you and to you and is safe. He knows this so well, or he wouldn't have approached you in that very sweet way.

Please don't think you have done him any harm. He'll be cool and it'll all be forgotten. We've all got stuff going on that makes things 'not ideal' from time to time, it's just life and the important thing is knowing that your love for him runs far deeper than anything superficial that might be happening or going a bit wrong.

Take care x

Seriously - take him there today. You walked out yesterday with no treats, which was EPIC, so there's v little chance he'll risk it today. He's not thick!

Don't lay it on - no threats or reminders. He was there, he saw you leave with no treats. Today, he won't risk leaving treat-less, so he'll be good.

Back home afterwards, say how impressed you were with his behaviour while he is happily earing his mince pie, and he will think that he magically discovered the up-sides of good behaviour by himself.

anuvva he did know, I agree, he was definitely pushing my buttons to see how far he could go.

I offered to do the sarnies, because the nursery staff are so lovely, that I wanted to help, they had said anything I could do/provide would be appreciated, but, they work so hard I wanted to appreciate them a little more (they said the adults loved egg mayo!) After all, DH made them and took them in late today with the children who were also late after me getting up demonstrated I could not actually walk anywhere let alone do the school run!

I do feel guilty, but also know that is the 'usual' mother guilt, that children have the fab ability to bring about just by being lovely when they need to be. I don't actually regret what I did looking back, I am happy the decision was right, reassured DD it was not her fault and she had behaved well but know if I had stayed, it would have ended far worse in terms of my mood, my back etc.

sled its a pain. But I hope it improves soon too !

oh god, DS2 who is coming up to 3 is just like this at the mo. Every morning when I drop him off at his CM he throws a full on tantrum. It seems to be a habit now so I armed myself with a bag of chocolate buttons this am and he was much better once I had bribed him

OP, you sound so lovely. :) I really hope your back gets better very soon.

You're doing a great job with your kids. Just please remember to put yourself first every now and then. In the long run, it'll be easier.

Have a massive un-Mumsnetty hug.

It's the FUCKING THREE'S. Terrible two's is sooo last season darling.

My DD turns three tomorrow and for the past week she has been ebil.

Once they go into true mardy arseness no amount of consoling/bribing/gagging will work.

They start school soon chin up.

I had one of these. He is now eight, and delightful. Was utterly horrid at 2, vile at 3, and then gradually started improving. Chin up!

gnu oh good to hear light At the end of the tunnel ! He is from the poem, a male version 'when she was good she was very very good, and when she was bad she was horrid'

my lovely 3yo, who kicks and screams every time I ask him to do something, got dressed without quibble for DH this morning, prompting the 'I don't understand the problem' remark from DH. Of course, the second daddy left for work, DS switched on his hell spawn setting, and has been a turd all morning. It is very difficult to praise his good behaviour at the moment, as there is so bloody little of it!!

pav DS is like that too - an utter delight when he's in a good mood, but sprouts horns and glowing red eyes when thwarted.