afraid of sleeping alone

[roglyn]

My 6 year old has developed a fear of sleeping in his own room. He had a nightmare a few weeks ago and now says he's afraid to sleep alone. His big brother is fed up with him demanding to sleep with him. There's plenty of room so it's not a huge deal, but how do I stop it becoming a habit?

We have had an ongoing saga of night fears starting at a similar age after a nightmare. Finally found something that really helps. We aren't religious but we say a little prayer together every night asking God to put 4 angels at each corner of his bed; he elaborates on how powerful and good they are.

Our son (3) suddenly got afraid of the dark and afraid of being on his own in his room. He would keep appearing in our room several times a night and need taking back to bed. Each bedtime we would have a scene when we tried to leave him. It was exhausting and worrying as we didn't know what was causing it or how to deal with it.
We have always prayed with him each night as we are Christians but we made a special point of saying that Jesus was going to be with him and there was no need to be frightened. Our prayers consisted of asking Jesus to come and look after him while he slept. Sure enough, the fears disappeared and he now sleeps really well again.

The dreamcatcher sounds fab, SueW. D'you know where I could get one?

My son has 2 dreamcatchers in his room, a small one my brother bought him because he is only 15 mths he only has little dreams and a bigger one. Scummy, you can get them from places like good gift shops, little curious shops and sometimes craft shows, places like that.

Thanks for this, girls.

Unfortunately we are all atheists in this house so I don't think he'd swallow a change of heart from me. It must be very comforting for a child to believe it, though. When my boys ask me about things like dying I always wish I had a more cheering message to give them.

I hadn't thought about dreamcatchers - are they from native American folklore? I could do with one myself, certainly if it brings good luck and harmony! Great idea.

Roglyn, what about a ceremonial 'chasing out of monsters' each night, before he goes to bed? By looking under beds, in wardrobes etc, you're acknowledging his fears and also demonstrating that you won't let anything happen to him.

SueDonim, I read recently somewhere how important it was to acknowledge their fears. Dont say 'dont be silly of course there's no monsters/ghosts' etc.

We'll all be keeping our eyes out for those dreamcatchers now. Shout if you see one!

You can buy make-your-own dream catcher kits from craft shops. Depends on your son, but making one of his own might help him feel more empowered. (Hope this doesn't sound too Californian!)

Rogyln, I used to be very afraid of the dark as a child. To keep me in bed, I simply had to have the door open and the hall light on. But I suppose you've tried simple things like this already.

I'm pretty sure there's a 'make your own dreamcatcher' kit in the ELC catalogue. I'm not a superstitious person at all but they do sound really sweet.

My nearly 3 year old ds went through a night-terrors phase a couple of months ago. Kept saying there were skeletons in his bedroom. We were at a loss as to where he had got this idea from but on discussing it with his key-worker at nursery she mentioned they had been reading a book with all the kids called 'Skeleton in Your Cupboard'!!! Apparently all the kids love it but obviously it gives some (my son included) really vivid dreams. Through reassurance and having the lights left on outside his room he is now over it. Have you tried speaking to your child's teacher at school? Maybe they could shed some light on it (excuse the pun!)

There's a small article in the Times today that says 'children are more frightened of the dark than their parents were because increasing exposure to artificial light means they rarely experience total blackness.'

Apparently nearly two thirds of children aged under ten insist on sleeping with a light on.

According to some psychologist, children's imaginations need to be given space to develop, being in the dark gives them a blank canvas on which to paint their own imaginary pictures. He reckons it can be very stimulating for them to play and entertain themselves in the dark, because all the images they produce will be unique.

So there you go - we should plunge our children into complete darkness at night time and when they have screaming nightmares, or won't go to sleep because they can see monsters, we should congratulate ourselves for helping them with their imaginations!

All comments to Dr Aric Sigman - pyschologist and author.

Ho hum - not sure about that theory. As children, we lived in the country, no street lights, so it got REALLY dark at night, also our parents used to switch off the lights and leave us alone to go to sleep. I always hated it and still don't like total darkness. I don't think it did anything for developing my imagination. How about my alternative theory that children who live in the countryside tend to be more isolated than town children, that's why they play more on their own and develop their imaginations that way?!

What happened to my earlier post????? Anyway, what I said was that I heard about this on the radio. There is some concern that the images chldren see on TV and at the cinema are much scarier and more 'real' than the monsters of their imaginations. It's harder to deal with when the child has seen a 10 foot high bug on a cinema screen. I'm an out-and-out scaredy cat anyway, I'd never watch a scary film at all, or read a scary book on my own.

our two year old has just started coming into our room and not wanting to sleep in his room. This seemed to coincide with getting a Peter Pan video since he is obsessed with Capt Hook being nasty. we're slowly getting through to him by telling him that no-one can come into the house without a key. That seems to convince him that the house is safe and works for any nasty that he mentions.

Saw the dreamcatchers kits in ELC today, £5. make a great little prezzie.

Thought I'd revive this thread because 3 yr old Ds is refusing to sleep alone and when I try to force him, acts truly terrified. The trouble is, I can remember feeling exactly the same and hating it.
We haven't tried the dream catcher yet, but have looked behind curtain, etc, to no avail. The monsters are banished when you have company though, as I remember it.
Tearing my hair out!

Anyone out there with ideas?
Anyone at all?
Please?!

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Thanks robin. Some stuff to try. I've mentioned praying, but can't seem to get the idea across. He's 3, do you think this is too young to understand? OTOH, I can't remember not knowing, so must have been introduced to it before that age.

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Dd1 gets a 'magic kiss' in her hand to throw at any ghosts/bears/monsters that occasionally invade her room.