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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

help needed regarding dd!

16 replies

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 10:50

I am just writing on here as sometimes I wonder if I am alone in this matter. The fact is my dd needs so much attention and will not willingly go off and get on her bike and go and play with her friends.I spend a lot of time playing and doing things with my dd and ds believe me, I always take them swimming, for walks, feeding ducks, making cakes, trips to library etc yet some weekends I don't want to take them out and feel really bad about it like am an awful parent. I have even arranged for her to do gym class in a few months but presently she is on the waiting list...perhaps I ought to be having a moan at dh, because it is me, yes always me who takes them on these trips, he has never taken them to the gym, and I can count on one hand the times he's taken them off for the morning/afternoon for a bit of fun in the woods, without me....Don't get me wrong he's a very good father, it's just that I can't be a superwoman! did suggest that dd went to play on her bike she said she wants to stay here all day...sorry sometimes don't want to go anywhere just do a spot of gardening, catch up with a few things etc. does anyone else have this problem, as really stuck for answers at mo?

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charliecat · 10/01/2004 11:40

Whilst your doing the garden can she not help, like piking up leaves or something and stick the baby in the door bouncer/baby walker...sorry not sure how old ds is or get him helping too, as long as they are in the safety of your garden i would just get on with what needs to be done with them in the background. Id they pester stick them in front of the tv for the afternoon, it doesnt hurt once in a while.
My dd is a demanding little so and so and i take any oppurtunity to sneak off to do something for me, or even just sit doing nothing for 5 mins.
Hope you have a nice afternoon anyway!!!
Oh and dp is good for the half hour b4 they go to bed which is really the only time he sees dds.
I am superwoman in this house, like it or lump it.

Original poster

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 11:53

Are you a superwoman? Nobody can be that modest. thanks anway

OP posts:

charliecat · 10/01/2004 11:55

Well, i do do everything from cleaning the loo to getting the kids to school, homwork, cooking, cleaning rah rah rah...so yes i am!!!!! Well i try. House is a bomb,kids are clean and fed though. It is saturday!

Roscoe · 10/01/2004 12:07

Don't feel bad about not wanting to spend every waking moment with your dd. We all need a little bit of time to ourselves.
Maybe you could try arranging an outing somewhere for dd and dh alone while you get on with your own thing. She might even think of it as a special treat to spend some time with just her dad. Is there anything that they both enjoy doing that they could do together?

Original poster

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 12:18

Charliecat, house is also untidy and it's only dh that worries about it!

Roscoe, for the last few years dh has had a saturday morning to himself, and Sunday too, because I only work part-time and he does f-t he feels he needs more time away, yet everytime he looks after dd and ds for a day, he has to go out in the evening as too much for him, if I go out 3 times a week I get a really hard time, when will dp/dh's understand that childcare is the hardest job on earth and mums need as much space as them...will suggest something when he gets back. Does anyone else get less space than their dp/dh....because I enjoy my job he feels that I get more of a break during day??

OP posts:

Roscoe · 10/01/2004 12:26

Yes dh does seem to get more time to himself than I do (hope you're reading this, dh! ). He gets to have a lie-in every Saturday and Sunday morning - although in his favour he deals with a lot of the night-wakings.

I recently had to stay in hospital for a few days so he had to look after our two boys by himself. I've noticed that since then he has been a lot more understanding of my need to have a bit of space. I'm not recommending that you get yourself hospitalised btw, Lavender!

Original poster

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 12:39

Thanks Roscoe, sorry to hear you've been in hospital, hope you're feeling better the truth is sometimes on Saturday I know the place is untidy but I feel like relaxing and not running around after everyone. He gets annoyed when he comes back and still untidy. really moaning now, but we have no inlaws who ever look after our dc, for more than a night in 8 and 1/2 years. My mother has been all over the world literally, about 5 holidays and she can't spare a day to come and see us, she's 250 miles away, but Africa is much further(she's just come back from there), he has no inlaws and so it's us, friends or nothing, you can't expect friends with children already to have yours for a couple of nights. When I was growing up my mother was doing so much, 5 children etc and so I feel sometimes I am lacking in the get up and go thing (she would never complain then, British stiff upper lip)...Anyway have gone on rather a lot but feel better for talking about the no inlaws thing.

OP posts:

Roscoe · 10/01/2004 12:50

Our house goes to pieces on a weekend (she types, looking guiltily at the surrounding clutter! . ai just think that if dh is getting two whole days off work then I should be entitled to relax a bit too.

My mum also had 5 children and tuts a bit when she sees that our house is untidy - but she conveniently forgets that when we were little her motto was "This is a home, not a show-house."

It's a bit of a cheek to travel round the world and thensay that you can't visit your own relatives in the same country because they live too far away. No wonder you're annoyed!

Original poster

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 13:10

Roscoe, have actually got out of dressing gown and am dressed (did have shower a while ago) and am about to tackle the washing up and make some lunch. Where are you in the 5 children, I'm the fourth youngest.

My mother is one of these high maintenance types who even though retired now is still doing committees, playing tennis has about 100 friends (not quite but the quantity of people in her life is a lot more than mine...I'm a simpler person, afew close friends and I am happy!) and she is always busy, with a capitaL 'B', it's like I have to book her months in advance. She has been to see sister in America (sister now lives in England) for 10 DAYS at a time, and like my sister said it's because it's a holiday for her, she doesn't spend much time with the grandchildren yet is out in Boston sightseeing...there is nothing exciting for her here, except of course for her 2 beautiful grandchildren and me and dh, so yes I do feel annoyed... she's had 7 invites and made excuses all the time...I think I wont ask her anymore....I think she doesn't like dh (called him an alcoholic once, as he used to drink a lot of beer...now dh and I drink the least of all my family...we've given up...over a week now), fed up of playing silly games with her(she's playing games I think...she's nearly 65 ffs)....long winded I know...tell me to stop moaning and just get on with it...feel better for this outburst (although still have mother to deal with,

Hope you get some time to yourself this weekend

lavenderxxx

OP posts:

Roscoe · 10/01/2004 13:26

Lavender - I'm no.4 out of 5 children. I have two brothers and a sister who are older and also have a younger sister.

If she's already turned down 7 invitations I'd be tempted to just leave it as an open invitation. Let her do the stressing about arranging visits.

OMG! Just realised the time and I'm still not dressed yet!! MN is too addictive!

Original poster

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 13:30

yes she has suggested I go up in half term, I don't want to travel all that way and will be working.(she should be down here for once)..should I just politely decline....sorry to go on on last post

OP posts:

Roscoe · 10/01/2004 13:36

It's not "going on", Lavender. It's called Mumsnet Therapy.

If it's inconvenient for you to get there then I would turn it down. If she's free enough to travel around then it should be easy for her to visit you. If you have to drop everything to go then you probably wouldn't enjoy the visit there anyway.

Original poster

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 13:49

Put it this way the last time we went up, she spent no time with them at all, heard her saying in bed, I can't be doing with all this noise I'm not used to it, to my older sister, and I spent most of my time playing with them and felt more stressed than when at home....We got stuck near a flooded underground railway tunnel, so had to walk the long way around, the children had already walked a long distance (with me not her?) and when I aked her if she would pick us up she said oh, if you walk this way then it's (another half a mile), bacically no! so that's why I wont go up, she's just not interested unless on her terms...Rant over...

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Roscoe · 10/01/2004 14:00

In that case I DEFINITELY wouldn't bother going! She may even have chosen that particular time to invite you because she knew it would be difficult for you to make it and so you would say no.

Original poster

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 14:09

It's because she wants my sister and her 2 children to stay as well, she knows my sister doesn't get half term off...mothers eh!

OP posts:

Original poster

lavender1 · 10/01/2004 14:15

Why would she invite me if I was unable to make it? logical? just don't bother eh

OP posts:

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